Fear of Romance/ intimacy/ vulnerability?

Wow @Liskii06 

This post feels like it peered right into my soul, I have had those exact same feelings that you have felt about being afraid and running away from intimacy and like you I am relatively young too at 21!

Being vulnerable is something that is terrifying, and although I have spoken to and spent time with many women I can level with you in not being in a serious relationship before and craving it so badly. But trust me when I tell you that there is nothing wrong with you, when you've never experienced something before and you want it badly it can play on you're mind and when it finally arrives you can become anxious.

I don't want to assume anything about you as I don't know your past but from my personal experience it is sometimes fear of not being good enough or that they'll be dissapointed once in a relationship with you.

I've found it might be helpful at looking at attachment styles as they tend to portray a very accurate representation on how we interact with others and it has really helped me figure out what causes this high anxiety!! 😊

Hi @Liskii06, 

Thank you for sharing!! I felt like this for a really long time, and when I was 19 I never thought I'd be able to experience any intimacy or any sort of relationship like what both my siblings had around me. But now I am in a very comfortable and loving relationship with someone who was so patient and waited for me to feel comfortable with them.

The anxiety is really tricky to overcome, but I think talking to some close friends or family members about how you're feeling could really help.

You are definitely not alone! Your sexuality and attraction to people are so everchanging and fluid, so you shouldn't ever feel as though there's something with you or you are just different from everyone else. (Even if you are different, that's great! Being yourself is all you can be).

Goodluck! 

Hi @Liskii06 ,

Wow!! I thought I was the only one that felt like this, seeing as everyone around me is in relationships. As a kid, I thought I would grow out of it, but I still feel the same way. It is definitely fear that makes us feel like this, but I feel like unfortunately the only way to overcome this is to just do it. I don't think there is an easier way. Doing some reading online, looking at resources, and listening to podcasts/youtube videos may be helpful though. :))

Hi @Liskii06 I really appreciate this post because I feel like so many people (including myself) can relate to these feelings. It’s so normal to crave emotional intimacy but dating can be a really scary and hard thing to do. I know some people who are in their mid 20s who have never had a relationship despite wanting one so I don’t think you need to stress too much at 18! 

I 1000% relate to having fears of being alone forever!! These thoughts are SO annoying because they make the idea of dating somehow more stressful 😫😫

I find it helpful to try and remind myself that these fears are decades away from possibly coming true. Instead I try and focus on what I can do in the present moment that’ll help ease my anxieties about the future. So for you perhaps that’s working on vulnerability.

I also recommend the imperfects podcast they have some great episodes on dating anxieties and loneliness with a psychologist (plus it’s super funny).

You’re not alone in these feelings or in life 💕💕

Hey there @Liskii06 and welcome to the forums. Thank you for sharing with us about what you're going through, it does sound like this has become incredibly stressful and confusing for you to navigate alone. So it's awesome you are able to be open and talk about it with us here 😌

First off, I just want to say that you are definitely not alone in your experiences. Romantic/sexual relationships can be very intense, both to seek out, and to be in. I've spoken to many folks who have had similar experiences and just wanted to assure you that there's nothing wrong with you - and as confusing as it may be, it is something that with time and support, you should be able to work through and understand. 

Do you have any mental health supports in place? The intensity of the feelings of panic, and the distress this is causing, could be something to explore with a therapist, if you're open to it. Relationships come in all different shapes, and whilst romantic/sexual relationships are only one kind of relationship we might be in, they certainly can carry a great amount of emotional weight in our lives. We are social creatures by nature, and working on understanding ourselves (in therapy or through other means) is often also a good way to understand who we are in relationships, and become more attuned to the reasons we may be struggling to find/create them. Food for thought! 

I wanted to share with you this thread where others in our community identify along the asexual/aromantic spectrum. I know you say you don't want to be ace, and that's okay! It could still be worth exploring and connecting to the community there, just to see if anything resonates with your experiences. There's also some further reading and resources you could look through here and here. 

It is awesome that you've decided to talk about these things, and we will be there beside you to support you however you choose to approach this journey 😊💚

Hi @Liskii06 ! Welcome to the forums!

What your dealing with sounds quite frustrating but you should feel proud about opening up about it! 👍 First, I just wanted to say that there is no time limit for establishing relationships. I am much older than you (not telling you my exact age 😁) and I too have never been in a relationship, not even a date. 

As with what you've described, about feeling like you're having a panic attack when you encounter romantic gestures, has this ever happened in non-romantic scenarios? E.g. when making new friends?

For me, it's helpful to remember that everyone has different boundaries when it comes to romantic situations and it's natural to feel uncomfortable when your personal boundaries are overstepped. Personally, I've also had times where I also froze when someone flirts with me and what I've found helpful was to be honest to the other person about how I felt e.g. saying something along the lines of "sorry about my reaction, I'm just not used to situations like this". Often, the other person is super understanding! Do you feel like this is something that could help?