Friendship - Feeling left out
Hello,
I am feeling a bit down at the moment. Throughout my life I have experienced a lot of bullying and exclusion and sadly because of it, I have found myself finding it hard to make new friendships due to the fear of being hurt. I am 90% sure I am displaying signs of rejection sensitivity and looking at seeking professional help.
I just wanted to vent a current situation. So me being me, I like to include everyone because I know first hand how it feels to not be included and I would hate for someone else to go through the same thing. I have a good friend, we met through work and have been friends for 1.5 years and recently met a girl through a hobby and we took her in with open arms. I am finding they are becoming close and I feel myself and my friend of 1.5 years arent speaking as much as we used to. A lot of the catch ups between the 3 of us are prioritised when they are both free and now I am missing out and hardly seeing them. For instance today, I didn't get the full picture or story of their plans and was under the impression they were catching up this morning when I was at work but I have since found out they are hanging out all day and I wasn't communicated this at all or offered to come after work. Yes, I know I could just message and say hey can I come but I'm not one for inviting myself and I a am already feeling left out. Then in the group chat my friend tagged the other friend about them going shopping tomorrow and I was not asked.
Hopefully this makes sense, I am just feeling left out.
Thank you for reading this
Comments
Hey @beachlover567 😊. I can definitely understand your feelings of loneliness and sadness…it really seems you treasure the relationships you have, especially as you have sadly been excluded and bullied in the past. So it must be tough then, being excluded from your friends now…I can really hear this is bringing up some hard feelings for you. 😔 I am glad to hear you are looking at seeking professional support to help you deal with these feelings. I am wondering how is that going for you? It’s definitely difficult wanting to connect with your friends but also wanting this connection to come from them. We simply feel good when we are included! Maybe creating some new social opportunities with your friends may offer you some of this much needed connection and provide a space to chat about how you are feeling. But I also think these difficult feelings are probably not going to go away that easily. It really sound's like you could benefit with some professional support.
I hope you take care, @beachlover567 and find the support you need to feel better in yourself and your relationships. 😊
Hi @beachlover567 ,
I’m sorry to hear you have been feeling lonely within your friendship group lately, that must be so difficult. Feeling left out is really awful. Given your history of having been bullied I imagine it must be especially hurtful and trigger those old wounds to resurface. I am glad you have hopped on to our forums to find connection within this community.
I am pleased to hear you are looking at seeking some professional help for these feeling that are coming up. I wonder if you sought any counselling in the past or were offered any support at school when you were bullied and excluded? I imagine it took great strength to come through that time and put yourself back out there again to form these new friendships. I hear that you are a very kind and inclusive person, these are great qualities in a friend. Can you reflect upon what you did in the past to overcome the hurt and develop the confidence to make new friends?
If you feel it would be helpful to have a conversation with your friends about how you are feeling we have an article on our website with some hints for having difficult conversations. I’d also wonder what are you doing at the moment to look after yourself? When going through a difficult time like this it is especially important to be kind to yourself and do something fun or soothing. Check out some great self-care ideas here.
Hi beachlover567,
I appreciate you sharing your feelings, and it's completely valid to feel hurt by the shifts in your friendships. It's clear that your experiences with exclusion have shaped your approach to relationships, making these situations more challenging.
It's important to acknowledge the pain you're feeling and recognise the impact it has on your well-being. It's okay to vent about these emotions, and I'm here to listen without judgment.
As a potential solution, consider having an open and honest conversation with your friend about your concerns. Let them know how you're feeling, expressing the importance of your friendship and your desire for inclusion. This communication might bring clarity to the situation and strengthen your connection.
Remember, your feelings matter, and it's okay to prioritise your emotional well-being. Seeking professional help can provide additional support and guidance as you navigate these challenges. Take the time you need for self-care and reflection.Wishing you comfort and understanding as you navigate these emotions.
Feel free to reach out whenever you need to talk. Take care.
