Getting cheated
My gf of about a month left me for her ex this week. And I feel miserable
all my relationships iv been cheated on multiple times
but this time was supposed to be different she seemed lovely with no signs of red flags.
But now the person I’m supposed to go to for my problems is now a stranger.
i feel so tossed aside. Like my feelings aren’t important or they don’t matter.
i told her about my relationship history and she promised she’d never do something like this.
i struggle meeting people and when i do they often hurt me.
i want a loving relationship so bad. I’m ready im caring. But I can’t find the right person
Comments
oh man that seems so sucky, i'm so sorry you went through that. Relationships can be really really complicated and it can be really tough. Trust me, I relate to the feeling tossed aside and hurt with friends and relationships so I can understand what youre going through. You dont deserve to be cheated on and part of me wants to tell you to go to your ex's place and put glitter and itchy powder or something hard to clean up in their car, clothes and generally everywhere. The other part is saying just ignore them and you'll find someoen amazing. i've been feeling liek i wont find someone but eventually we both will and it'll get better. Maybe try going to pride events or idk if you have any friends that could maybe introduce you to anyone? (sorry about my spelling i was typing too fast)
Hello @PirateVII
That sounds awful, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. It's important to recognise that your feelings are important and they definitely do matter, equally as much as everybody elses.
It's great that you want to find a loving relationship! Sometimes finding the right person can be tricky. I know that for me, and with dating, it can be frustrating to open yourself up to another and not have it work out or get cheated on. It can also be difficult to bounce back from it, which I'm sensing from your replies to other comment posts that this is what you're feeling. It's great to hear that you have hobbies and such that youre doing during this time for some self care, i think its great to take some time for yourself after something like this. When this sort of thing occured last time, was there anything specific you did that allowed you to bounce back and try again after some time?
to say it was absolutely horrible and not in the least bit healthy.
Hey @PirateVII
I'm sorry to hear that. I think at this stage self care is definitely one of the most important things to focus on, which it sounds like you've been doing. Doing things you enjoy as a form of self care is a healthy way to enhance your mood or potentially distract from unhealthy thoughts. Remember to be kind to yourself as you go through this process. Also reaching out to some private, confidential, anonymous help sources could be a good idea if youre up for it, such as the ReachOut Peer Chat or Lifeline if you require it.
Hey @PirateVII
This is some tough situation to go through mulitple times....like this is really messed up.
While I have never been in a romantic relationship, what I can give you some clues or tips on avoiding such people again based on being a female and had female friends in high school.
Girls are very good in faking a facade, either in front of their friends or significant other. It is the creation of making an ideal version of themselves. The less red flag looking attribute they have, the higher the chance they are faking it. Specfially when talking behind another person's back.
While I can't 100% guarantee that all females are like this, you might had encounted 2/3 of the 100%. There is still the 1/3 of the 100%, meaning there is still a chance of finding the right person.
Take your time in finding the right person, and I hope this wouldn't happen again.
Hey @PirateVII
Firstly I wanted to welcome you to the Online Community!
I am really sorry to hear that your girlfriend has left you for her ex this week, and that you have been cheated on several times in all of your other relationships. I can only imagine how much this must have hurt you and it is very understandable that you are feeling this way. I am really glad that you have found us and have been able to talk about what has been going on for you.
Being cheated on is really tough and I am sorry that this has happened to you in the past. It seems like you had communicated this to your ex girlfriend and expressed how hurt you have been which must have made this all so much harder for you when she had said that she wouldn’t do the same.
The way you are feeling is completely understandable but it is important to remember that not every relationship will be like this, and it isn’t a reflection of who you are at all. It sounds like you are a caring person and you deserve someone in your life that treats you how you deserve to be treated.
I was wondering if you have been able to speak to anyone else in your life about what has happened and how you are feeling? Whether it be a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional. If not do you think this might be helpful?
I was also wondering how you are coping with this all and if there is anything that might help you take care of yourself, whether it be a distraction, hobby or even some self-care? It is important that you are taking care of yourself at the moment as break ups can be really tough to go through as it is.
I wanted to share some resources we have here about relationships with you that I thought you may find helpful. We also have an article here that’s about how to cope when being cheated on.
How are you feeling after sharing this with us?
Take care and I hope to hear back from you soon.
Iv told my mates and what not. But like in the past it’s always “yeah she’s
rotten, blah blah” except idk she was really nice. Ig she just made a
stupid stupid mistake.
Anyway the point is the people I talk to only have things to say about her.
But it’s me who’s the one who is suffering.
She’s interested in remaining friends but is ignoring any of my messages
because she feels shitty for what she did and hearing to my deafening sobs
would make her feel worse. (How do you think I’m feeling smh)
either way I haven’t really spoken to anyone worth while since posting
online.
Iv been distracting myself with hobbies such as lego and gaming, a bit of
gym too.
But when I’m driving, or in a state for shower thoughts
I get a cocktail of emotions both sad and angry.
It hurts so bad I feel physically sick and blind
And I have to pull over.
The weekend has made it easier
But I drive for work.
In the meanwhile my mum knows but hasn’t really said anything to me.
And long story short I can’t go to a therapist because employers will find
out and it will not be good to say the least.
either way iv been in the past and i just didn’t find it very helpful.
I believe im ready for a relationship but i just can’t meet people and when
i do they’re usually horrible. So im just left window shopping like “if
only she’d give me a chance” 😕
It pretty shitty.
Hey @PirateVII
I am really glad to hear that it felt good to tell someone!
It sounds like when you have spoken to your friends it hasn’t been that helpful for you by what they have been saying. It is very easy to say harmful things about people when they hurt us, and I noticed that you still talk about her with respect and speak highly of her which is something you should be really proud of. It is a real reflection of the type of caring person you are. I was wondering if you think it would be helpful explaining to your friends that it would be more helpful to talk about how you are feeling? I completely understand if not.
I also know you mentioned that she would like to stay friends and was wondering how you feel about this and if you think this is helpful for you at the moment? I can imagine that it would be pretty tough to be being ignored especially when you are already not feeling great about this all.
It sounds like this is really impacting you which is very understandable. It is good to hear that you have some positive coping strategies and have some things to distract yourself. I know you mentioned that you sometimes get a lot of emotions when driving or in a state for shower thoughts and it hurts so much that you feel physically sick and blind which must be very scary for you. Do you feel safe when driving? I was wondering if your work involves you driving or if you meant driving to and from work and if so was wondering if there was another way you could get to work or if this is something you could speak to your work about. It is really important that you are safe when driving.
Do you think it would be helpful to speak to a doctor or someone about this, I know you mentioned that you can’t speak to a therapist because your employers will find out and was wondering what you meant by this?
I wanted to share this article with you about confidentiality which might be helpful to have a read through. We also have an article here that explains the different types of mental health professionals. If you would prefer to speak to someone online and remain anonymous you could also speak with a counsellor from Kids Helpline. It is a free service and they provide support to people up to 25 years old. You can also connect with ReachOuts peer chat service and book in a chat with a peer worker. It sounds like you are going through a lot right now and sometimes it can be really helpful to talk to people about what’s going on for you. Do you think any of this might be helpful for you?
Take care tonight.
I drive for work (from site to site) so there isn’t any other options for
travel. Whilst I get in a bit of a state whilst driving I’m sensible enough
to make it not dangerous to myself or others.
As for therapy. I can’t really go to a GP or anything as I have to disclose
all of my medical records to a future employer. It won’t end me. But I
don’t want to put any roadblocks in my way due to the selfishness of
others. Iv survived in the past.
But it’s just… so.. shit.
I’m tired of putting myself out there. She seriously seemed legit. Is
legitimate. She really had so much going for her and appreciated me a lot.
She left me for her ex. I was told wouldn’t be a problem. She didn’t have
many friends as they’d move out of state. And their relationship had
transitioned to a friendship. And it’s not up to me to make sure she’s
loyal. So sure I let them remain friends.
But anyway ig seeing us happy together made him regret some things so he
confessed to her and made her realise she also still had feelings.
And now here I am tossed aside again.
The hardest part is finding people. It took me close to a year of searching
to find her and
It felt like a miracle. A lot of people are actually downright horrible /
just never give me an opportunity to talk to them 😔.
Hey @PirateVII ,
Thank you for sharing more about what has been happening for you! I can see how tough and heartbreaking it’s been for you recently.
It’s good to hear that while you are in a state, you are aware enough to not pose any danger to yourself or others while driving. I’m interested to know if you’ve previously felt so overwhelmed that you’ve had to pull over or stop driving, or if this is the first time?
I can also hear your concerns around your future employer having access to your medical records. This is normal and completely understandable as this can sometimes put roadblocks in the way of your employment success.
Have you thought much about connecting with helplines such as Beyond Blue or ReachOut's Peer Chat service? This can allow you to choose to remain anonymous during sessions.
