Girlfriend talking to friend about relationship issues
Recently i found out the my girlfriend had being texting a friend about our relationship issues. She explain how I’ve been feeling jealous towards her for being able to hangout with her friends without being anxious. This is a problem I’ve been having and I’m trying to get help for. She said some things that were pretty hurtful behind my back. Like she was making fun of me because I am anxious to hang out with people. I feel bad because I found out through not so ethical means. I didn’t want to tell her because of this. I feel betrayed now. I alluded to wether she had told anyone about it issues, and she said she had, except it was a different person, and she said she was very vague about what she said. Which was not true at all. I also found out she had been showing people videos of me singing. I’ve told her I’m self conscious about it. I’m not sure why she is keeping all these secrets from me, as we are quite close, and I thought we told each other everything. I just want to know if it’s valid that i’m feeling betrayed by this. Im not sure if I'm being toxic or not. Thank you.
Comments
Hey @Salmon_Cod
I think @Courtney-RO has said a lot of things I would say, but I also just wanted to say that I think it would definitely be really helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend. Trust is a huge part of relationships and I think setting boundaries would really help.
I'm really sorry you've felt so down about this and that you're being talked about negatively to others. It's definitely not a nice feeling to have...
Please look after yourself and do something that makes you happy this week. 💙
Hey@Salmon_Cod welcome to the ReachOut forums, it's really great to have you here!
Thank you for sharing a little bit about what has been going on for you recently. It sounds like you have been dealing with a lot lately and I can hear what a difficult and stressful time it has been for you. How are you feeling today?
I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend has been texting a friend about your relationship and sharing details that you are uncomfortable with, it sounds like such an awful thing to be going through. No one deserves to feel betrayed or like their partner is hiding things from them. You mentioned that you had alluded to whether she had told anyone and she said she had. Do you mind me asking whether you were able to talk to her about how this made you feel?
I am mindful of the impact this must all be having on you and was wondering what other supports you have in your life? Do you have any friends that you might feel comfortable opening up to at all, or perhaps a GP or health professional? If you would like to talk to someone, KidsHelpline is a great service and might even be able to help you come up with other things you can do in such a hard situation. I also wonder if maybe our article on Tackling difficult conversations might be able to give you some ideas as well. Do you think this might be helpful at all?
I also just want to remind you that you're not alone and we're all here to support you 💜
Hi Courtney, thank you I feel really welcome and it's a nice feeling. I'm not as bad as I was the past couple of days, I hope you are doing well.
Yeah sure, she said she told another friend of hers. She said she was very vague about the issues we were having and didn't say anything bad about me. I told her that I think it was good that she was talking to other people and I appreciate that she didn't say anything bad about me. However, she didn't say she talked to anyone else, which I know is not true. And when she talked to this other person, she was telling him everything, all my problems, and some very personal things while also painting me as a horrible person. To be fare I wasn't I was but I apologised and I'm trying to fix that about myself. I'm more just upset about why she is lying and trying to keep it a secret. Like what reason would she have to keep it a secret? Because we tell each other everything, or at least that's what I thought.
I've mostly pushed everyone away because of my social anxiety. The only person I have to talk to is my girlfriend, which I know isn't very healthy. School is coming back soon and I have asked to talk to a school counsellor about my jealousy issues and whatnot. And thank you, I will have a look at both of those.
Thank you for getting back to us @Salmon_Cod. I know how hard it can be to open up about things like this, so I just want to say well done for being brave and for sharing so much with us.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this right now, that must be really hard. It sounds like such a challenging situation to be in, especially as you are having to manage it all on your own. You mentioned earlier that you had come across this information in a 'not so ethical means', so I was just wondering if maybe you would feel comfortable sharing more about this?
I am also wondering if maybe it might be helpful to set some boundaries about this. Is this something you have ever talked to your girlfriend about? Having certain boundaries in a relationship can be really important as they help us feel safe and more comfortable with the people around us. If you would like to have a bit more of a read about it, I found this great article here that explains what its about and what you can do to create them.
I also saw that you said you were a horrible person, but I just want to say that no one is perfect and the fact that you have ackowledged this and are working to make things better is huge and shows just how strong and determined you are as a person.
Talking to your school counsellor sounds like a great idea though, sometimes it can be really helpful to talk to someone who can help you create strategies and ways of working through this. Is there something you could do to make meeting the counsellor a little bit easier on you, whether it be writing things down or taking a stres ball with you?
After such a stressful day, I am wondering if there is there something nice you can do for yourself tonight to help you take your mind off things?
