My ex has found someone else after 2 months
My ex and I were together from July 22nd, 2021 to September 18th, 2024. She was my best friend, someone I could always talk to about anything. We had times in our relationship where we weren't exactly happy, so we would have a week or so per year away from each other to show how much we missed each other, and it would always be better than before. This past year, I had closed myself off and had gotten addicted to video games, to the point where it was all I wanted to do. We didn't see each other much this year, except for when we went to school. She broke up with me after one of our shifts that we had together. For the next week, I did nothing but bawl my eyes out. I did the standard thing where I said I would be better and spammed her until she blocked me. She unblocked me after about a week of me being blocked. After my shifts at work, I would bring her strawberry milk and a chocolate bar, which were her favourite, to her house. One day, I decided to write a letter to her, and drop it off at her house. She found this creepy and blocked me. This happened October 22nd. I've been looking at her instagram every day since, just wondering if she'll message me. I send messages every day through iMessage even though I know I'm blocked, in case one day she unblocks me. I still really want to be with her, but I don't know what to do.
I really want to fix things with her. We had been together for 3 years before i became selfish this year. I've done everything to try and get over her, therapy, new hobbies, but i just cant. I really want to reach out to her but im worried about rejection again. I saw her again earlier today, and it was the most awkward thing ever, but i couldnt help that any chance i had, i would just look at her, remembering what we had, her laugh, her giggle, and the sigh of relief she breathed when she laid in the same bed as me and we hugged until we fell asleep.
it just feels really hard to move on, considering that we both live in a town with less than 2000 people so we are constantly seeing each other. I keep on having people say these things like "you'll find someone better" but i cant help but argue their point, and i dont know out of blindness or not. She would alway do hobbies i enjoyed even if she hated them, because she knew it would make me happy. I remember showing her at her 18th because she was blackout drunk, at it was the happiest I had been that year, because it felt like i was helping her, showering her and walking her to bed, making sure she didnt run into walls or doors.
I checked her instagram and saw she had a heart with someones name next to it in their bio, and vice versa for the other person. I saw that her new boyfriend followed me (unsure as of why). It hurts, because i really wanted to do everything in the future with this girl, and she told me one month after we broke up that she wanted to be single for a bit, but now it feels like she lied to me. I miss her good mornings and good nights. I miss the memes we would sent each other to make each other more sexual. I miss going to school or work and her being there, and me being able to hug
her whenever i want, and now i dont get that back.
Since last night, I have blocked her on everything that she hasnt had me blocked on, as well as her new boyfriend. I really wanted it to work. I wanted to drive 3 hours every weekend to see her whilst she was studying at Uni, but now that'll never happen. I just want to embrace her, kiss her, cry with her and let her know that i will do everything to make her happy, but now she has someone else to do all of that with.
I had a first aid training course yesterday where I saw her. Whenever she looked down at her phone, I thought that she was texting her new boyfriend. I heard her laugh, and that crushed me. It was the same laugh that she would make when we had tickle fights. All i want is her back
Comments
I am really sorry to hear that you are going through this @Ace16. Break ups can be really hard especially with someone you had a deep connection with. It sounds like you truly cared for her and so it is understandable that you are struggling with this loss.
It also sounds like you are having trouble accepting that she has moved on. It can be difficult not to take it personally but it is important to focus on what is best for you and to take care of yourself.
It might feel like your plans for the future now are uncertain but just remember that there’s still so many possibilities and opportunities for you! There will be many meaningful relationships in the future. Be patient with yourself during this time and let yourself heal.
Can I ask if you have spoken to any trusted family about the way you are feeling?
I have provided a link below for an article you might like to read. I hope it helps in some way!
https://au.reachout.com/relationships/romantic-relationships/coping-with-a-breakup
I've talked to my parents about it a lot but my mum is sick of it and wants me to "get over it" which is really hard. My dad understands it a lot more but constantly works so its hard to have deep conversations with him
That sounds really tough @Ace16. It can be really hard when you feel you don’t have the support you need especially when you are processing something painful.
I wonder if your mums response comes from a place of wanting you to not be hurting anymore. It is clear though that the loss is still having an impact on you and it’s not something you can just get over. I think sometimes it can be hard for people to understand where you’re coming from if they haven’t experience that pain themselves.
It is really great that your dad seems more understanding but it’s hard that he works a lot. I wonder if you could try communicating with him when he does have the time even if it isn't those super deep conversations. Even just letting him know what you need even if that's just him checking in on your every now and then. For me personally, when my parents check in on me it helps me feel less alone. It's okay to be honest with them about that.
Is there any other support people or services you have tried using?
I have used ReachOut, Headspace, GameAware, GP's, Therapists, but nothing seems to help. It seemed like it was getting ok until i saw that she already replaced me
Hey @Ace16,
Welcome to ReachOut! Thank you so much for being courageous and sharing what you're going through. It sounds like things have been really tough after breaking up with your girlfriend. A break up can be incredibly heartbreaking and upsetting, so how you're feeling is completely valid and understandable. I want to take a moment to acknowledge your resilience and help-seeking efforts. Attending therapy and engaging in new hobbies are really great ways to move on and take care of yourself after going through something difficult. You should be really proud of yourself!
Therapy can be really helpful to work through coping with the break up and I can hear that you've accessed a number of service by haven't found it helpful. It's so difficult to see someone you still love and care about moving on with someone else, and can really take a toll on your mental health, so I am interested to know if you're actively seeing a mental health professional? I can see that you've spoken to your parents about your ex which is really good! It sounds like your feeling really hurt by your mums comments to get over it and being sick of it. This would've been really hurtful to hear. I am wondering if you've spoken to any other family members or friends about what you're going through?.
I'd love to share this article with you on how to cope with a break up and a topic on Romantic Relationships which includes a number of articles with tips and advice on being single and managing issues that might come up in relationships that you might find helpful. In case you are interested in additional support, I encourage you to connect with Beyond Blue who offers free and confidential counselling 24/7 for young people, and are available via phone and online. It's really important to look after yourself when you're going through something really tough, so I am wondering what you will be doing to take care of yourself today?
I hope this is helpful and look forward to hearing from you soon!
I've used beyond blue multiple times and it just feels like it doesnt help very much. And due to my families financial situation, i've had to cut all possible therapy that i previously had
Hey @Ace16 I just wanted to chime in and say I can imagine how much this situation has been consuming you. It seems like everything new that happens is making it difficult to move on, and being in this period of uncertainty about how you two relate now would be difficult for anyone to manage. The fact you've been so resourceful in seeking support is really impressive. It takes a lot of resilience to keep finding ways to manage a difficult situation, I hope you can keep giving these services a shot as your situation changes, including on our community here!
You mentioned that therapy seemed to be working until you saw that she was already talking to someone else. I was wondering if there was anything in particular about therapy which was helping? Sometimes it can feel like you're starting from scratch again when something new happens, and it can be difficult to remember what strategies may have made a difference at the start. It could be worth revisiting some of these specific strategies when you're feeling in the right headspace for it.
It sounds like you would be open to therapy again if you could afford it and I wanted to say that there are often low-cost options available, whether that means asking at your local clinic for a reduced rate or finding something via telehealth. You might also find a free online therapy program or course like MindSpot is helpful, and at certain levels of the program you do have the opportunity to talk to a therapist if it's appropriate.
As has been mentioned already, it can take a long time to get used to the way things are now without a particular person in your life. It's normal for feelings of loss to come and go in waves. It's important to look after and work on supporting yourself at this time ❤️
I think the therapy just helped me move foward slightly, until i saw she had someone new. Im not sure if more therapy would help anymore, all i want is her and to be able to make her laugh again
Hey @Ace16
Break ups are always really tough, but most especially when you live in a smaller town. I come from a smaller town and I remember those exact feeling when I broke up with my ex, feeling anxious to see him or feeling incredibly awkward when actually seeing him.
Also, as much as focusing on video games may feel like it was selfish, and maybe isn’t the best thing to spend all your time doing, you are allowed to have hobbies that you love doing outside of a relationship! So please don’t feel to guilty over that, and don’t let this experience keep you from trying new things! The best advice I ever got in my last break up and the advice I give to my close friends who have also been going through break ups recently is to focus on yourself, and to try something new you maybe were too afraid to do while you were in the relationship for whatever reason or just because you want to! It was the most freeing experience for me, for me it felt like for the first time I had found myself outside of the relationship again after not knowing them for a long time.
Lastly, Ex’s moving on, especially after what feels like a short amount of time is always difficult. I don’t know what else to say other than it gets easier over time, which I know sounds so cliche and is very over used but unfortunately it’s true. You unfortunately don’t always get the closure you’d like, or maybe if you do it might be a while after the breakup. For a friend of mine it was a few months, for myself it was a year and for another friend of mine a few weeks through word of mouth. From personal experience it will hurt to open the wound, but over time it begins to heal and stops hurting as much. Especially when you begin to heal your relationship with yourself!
I’m sorry I can’t give much advice, and I hope this helps you a little!
Here’s a link to my absolute favourite podcast, that I hope you can use to help you through this time a little!
https://open.spotify.com/episode/2FkTsE0WFMgvvkiS45OtTX?si=feJobzKcQbqx924LgH4G8Q
