Relationships with males
I'm a bit scared when it comes to relationships with males. Because I'm scared if I start talking to someone, I'll start liking them more. And then I'll hurt myself because they won't like me back the same. Which I've done a few times. I think I just am lonely so I'll take an attention I can get and then assume they like me.
Like how am I supposed to know when it's ok to message someone individually and what's normal to say? Is it ok to just say you haven't seen them for a while and ask how they are? But then you have been chatting on that level with others. So they might assume I like them but it's just friends.
I'm just scared I'll hurt someone or myself again. And that's making me question everything I do. And every interaction I have with a male.
I'm not sure how much sense I'm making. But I just want to know what boundaries people make when talking with people of the opposite sex.
And how friends with girls should be different with boys. Like obviously you can't have the same types of conversations and share as much. Idk
@Lemon_Dolphin I think you've hit the nail on the head! You're the one doing this life!! Ultimately, we can't escape other people's judgement because it's just a byproduct of living in a world full of people with views and beliefs different from our own. But that doesn't have to be something that stops us from doing what we believe is right for ourselves. I think this mentality can also apply to your current dilemma about how you interact with boys. Have you had any more thoughts about this whole thing, or has the way you feel changed in any way?
@PeelingOranges I mean, I've still been talking to boys quite a bit. There's also a lot more boys where I go, so it makes sense too.
@Lemon_Dolphin That's good! Honestly, I think it's healthy to have friendships regardless of gender because you get to talk to all kinds of people. Do you still feel any doubt?
@PeelingOranges I mean I totally agree. I think I just need to work on myself a bit to feel good about male friendships without assuming they are more.
@Lemon_Dolphin That's a great reflection! Wishing you all the best with it, you got this!!😊
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin 
Relationships can be tricky. It can feel very risky to put your heart on the line like that with all the uncertainty surrounding reciprocal feelings. It's okay to feel apprehensive or perhaps lonely when it comes to the topic of relationships. Definitely been there before 🙂
That example you gave of what to message someone and say sounds perfectly fine to me. Have you tried it before?
Regarding male friendships, I have a male friend at uni and the friendship I have with them is pretty similar to any friendship I'd have with a fellow female. I can agree that perhaps we don't discuss things that are more intimate in nature, but we get along the same and joke around as if he were female if that makes sense. Boundary-wise I feel like it's one of those things where you only share what you are comfortable with in discussion and that could be subjective to everybody.
Hope some of this helps you from what I've experienced
Hey @Green_Ghost
Yeah, I have sent messages like that before, and they go quite well. Also small talk in person. But anything more than that and I feel like I shouldn't be. Like when I shared pretty much everything with one person. But I feel he's an exception because he is extremely caring and trustworthy so heaps of people talk to him about hard things. But I think I just did too much.
Ok, that's a great boundary to have. Thanks.
Hi @Lemon_Dolphin,
Thank you for you post 🙂
I’d like to start off by saying it’s really amazing to see your able to consider and reflect on past experiences it’s not an easy thing to do at all. It take a lot for us to sit with things and analyse them and you should be so proud of yourself.
From what I’ve read it sounds like you’re going through a really confusing time and that’s ok.
Relationships can always be a tricky thing for us to navigate, especially when it comes to friends and the ways we communicate with them. and I’m wondering if you’ve been able to talk to anyone about this? This could be friends or family you feel like you can seek support from, or even a professional such as a counsellor.
The community is here for you and be on the lookout for an email we are sending you way 🙂
