Too sensitive?

OMG i can definetly relate to u gurl. Like, my whole group of friends made a group chat but no one added me in, i was mad, but sad aswell, since i was the leader of the group, how could they forget abt me, sure, it could've been a mistake or something, but as my sensitive self, yeah, i felt like ditching them so bad, and, guess what? i did.

I am so sorry for ur situation, but maybe yo should take a break from them, maybe stop hanging out with them for a while? i know it might sound tough, but if i can do it, you can too!!

i believe in ou!!❤️😄

The day before my birthday, I organised a hang out and literally none of my friends could come nor RVSPed. I was pissed. I'm glad I'm not the only person who feels this way.

Hi @Watermelon_Springs 

I'm so sorry that you got cancelled on. I know exactly what you mean, I also find it difficult to understand why people cancel because of the "if they wanted to, they would" idea. It can feel exhausting to feel like you care about it more than they do. You're not too sensitive at all. Sometimes we can just feel a bit attacked when people cancel on us, it's totally understandable.

I'm only just starting to begin to accept that sometimes plans don't always work out. It's taken a long time to get to this point for me. I usually try and mentalise how the other person/s situation/s are when they cancel. Such as, I wonder if maybe something urgent came up, or maybe they're feeling low and not up to it, or maybe they just don't want to anymore. It's definitely worth clarifying why they've decided they have to cancel. 

I would say that it is definitely worth focusing more of your attention on the friendships you enjoy, that feel the most reciprocal, however, because if the same people are cancelling all the time then there might be an issue there to look into. But definitely focus on the friendships you enjoy the most, as was also suggested by @Catlover101@Catlover101 

Hi @Watermelon_Springs 

You are definitely not alone on this. Many people feel this way. I have felt that was for a long time. I am only starting to get over it.

I have some really flakey friends and I would always take it so personally but over time I have tried to grow my resilience to it and rewire my thoughts from the pathway of, they dont like me enough to hang out with me, to they musn't have the energy or have other things they really need to get to right now.

Its super difficult to change this and for me involved a personal journey of self worth and actively deciding to try and reduce the impact of other peopls behaviours and choices effect on my wellbeing.

Foster the friendships that bring you joy. If someone is doing this so much that it is really effecting you, maybe try and give less to them. Relationships should be equal.

You are doing great and are worth making time for  ❤️

Hi @Watermelon_Springs 

I get it and I understand completely, espcially when its something you were really looking forward to. Sometimes there are lots of different things going on in people lives and thats what I try to remember when plans get cancelled. 

I found that sometimes having a chat with your friends can help resolve some of this and if it doesn't then maybe some boundries can be set and some compromises. It can make for healthy relationship with them.  I know sometimes they have to and maybe if say they are picking up an extra shift at work, that allowing them to talk to you about it allows them tell you what might be going on and why. I also found that especially  as life got busier that sometimes meeting up with them less can help them really stick to the plans made because you've got so much to catch up on. Your friends still care about you even if they cancel, sometimes life just gets in the way. 

I also found if the plans you've made can be done by yourself it is a great way to do them. Particularly if it is something you really wanted to do. It helped me feel like I wasn't missing out on anything and that I wasn't constantly waiting for someone else to do it with me. 

Hope this helps 

Hi @Watermelon_Springs 

You are not alone in feeling this way! It is common to feel disappointed and hurt when someone cancels plans, particularly if you were looking forward to them. It can make you feel as though you are not a priority or as though you are putting more effort into the relationship. The notion of, "If they wanted to, they would," makes the cancellation feel incredibly personal, as though they are choosing not to show up. 

It is natural to become excited to spend time with people you care about and of course upset when plans don't follow through. I have experienced both ends of this situation in which I hope you can find solace. In my own experience when I cancel plans it is either because I am genuinely, overwhelmed, busy, exhausted, or sick. This is where communication becomes incredibly important so that a friend can let you know of these things in advance to respect your time. I have also been cancelled on which can make me feel very hurt, however, again communication is important to understand why it has happened. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting your friends to reciprocate your excitement. 

If cancellations are constantly occurring and there is no effort on behalf of your friends, it would be a good idea to question if these relationships are fulfilling! Try having a respectful conversation with your friends about this openly and see what they have to say!

What do you think about this? Looking forward to hearing from you! 💜

Hey @Watermelon_Springs 

This is definitely a frustrating situation and its good that you are able to air it out and not bottle these feelings up. I want to start by saying no, you are not too sensitive. Everyone values everything slightly differently, and if you cherish the time with friends a lot, you can't fault yourself for that. I definitely feel the same about some of my friends, and I have a couple that do cancel quite often, but I always understand that people do have lives beyond me, and sometimes it is hard to make the time. Perspective is everything, and I think it is important that you do put yourself in their shoes, and maybe see why they don't have the energy or time to commit to going out. 

As for how you feel about this, being sad and getting excited over hanging out with people that might not reciprocate too clearly is something I can relate too. I think this is not so rare a feeling as you think, it definitely sucks to get cancelled on, and this is pretty universal. I think it is important to communicate to your friends that hanging out with them is something you value a lot and how you feel closer and more connected to them. I think compromise is everything in healthy relationships, and so having a chat with your friends and coming to a middle ground is always nice. Maybe if they're too tired to go out to do something you guys can hang out in a call online or something like that instead.

I hope it all works out!

Hey! 
I completely understand how you feel! And I’ve been feeling this way until recently when the tables have turned i have had to be the one reluctantly cancelling or rejecting plans for whatever reason! 

Either way, it doesn’t feel nice to be cancelled on so maybe try to have a chat with your friends who do this regularly, this is something i did when i was going though the same thing and i found it was a good chance to get in touch with each others feelings and have an emotional check in, set/reestablish boundaries, and move on ☺️

I hope this helps 🫶

Hey @Watermelon_Springs 

I totally feel you! I also hate it when people cancel plans because it makes me feel like they do not care about the relationship as much as I do. Especially because I very rarely cancel plans and if I do, it would only be because of circumstances which were totally out of my control. Once I realised this, I understood that I just expected to people to treat me exactly how I treat them without ever explicitly communicating my feelings or expectations. 

As others have mentioned, while quality time may be your way of maintaining the friendships, it might not be the way some of your friends develop connections and relationships. So reaching out to your friends and saying how this has made you feel might be a great first step towards a solution that works for everyone!

You are most definitely not too sensitive; you are someone who feels things deeply and if anything, this is such a huge strength! 💛

Hey! @Watermelon_Springs I feel this very deeply too. The way that I connect with people is through quality time - and when people cancel plans, it can feel as if they don't want to be connected. 

One thing that I have found super helpful is actually explaining this to my friends and family. Once they knew how much cancelling plans affected me, they were more sensitive and avoided unnecessary cancellations. They also agreed that if they had to cancel plans, they would reach out to organise a follow up - which made me feel really reassured, knowing that quality time with me is still important to them. 

Do you think you would feel comfortable expressing something like that? It can feel quite vulnerable, but people who deserve your time will understand that this is something you need extra support with. Don't worry at all - you are not too sensitive - it is just something that is important to you!! 

Hope this helps a bit. Let me know what you think 💜

Hey @Watermelon_Springs 

I truly understanding how you are feeling, and have found myself feeling a similar way in friendships before. Your feelings are completely valid, and you are not too sensitive reacting this way emotionally. It can be disappointing when you look forward to something all week to just be let down.

Like you said, sometimes things come up, life gets in the way, and cancelling plans happens from time to time. I have found myself on both sides of the story. It is important to see both sides, and that reasonable excuses are not personal. Despite this, if you see this happening consistently with the same friends, it may be time to rethink if these friendships are genuine and reciprocal. It can be exhausting and disheartening when a relationship is one sided, and you feel as though you are putting in all the effort and getting nothing in return. I have experienced this myself, and these relationships are not worth investing your energy and spirit into. Friendships should charge your battery, not deplete it. If you feel as though this resonates with your situation, maybe you could take a break, or a step back from the friendship and see how they respond. Pursue the relationships in your life that give back to you.

While considering this, it’s super important to remember that maybe these friends are genuine, and do truely care for you. We often overthink things, and while you may think they don’t feel the same way about you, they actually do. Their lives may just be super busy. Before coming to conclusions, it may be a really good idea to have a private chart with your friend, let them know how you’re feeling, see how they respond?

I hope this helps, and just remember that you should never invalidate your feelings. Being sensitive is something I admire. You are not alone, everyone has experienced these feelings before, including myself.

Hi @Watermelon_Springs 

I want you to know that your feelings are so incredibly valid, and you are most certainly not alone in how you are feeling. 

I do not believe you are "too sensitive"; you are genuinely feeling let down and sad because of people/friends cancelling plans. I think it is important to acknowledge your feelings and that sometimes plans change unexpectedly; have these people/ friends told you why plans have had to be cancelled?

Sometimes, people can't avoid having to cancel plans, whether that is because they are unwell, have to cover a shift at work, have low spoons/have a bad mental health day, have an emergency, etc. I know that I have had to cancel plans, even if I really didn't want to, because of the examples I listed, as have other friends of mine.

As you have said, you do understand that things can come up unexpectedly, but because of unexpected cancellations, you genuinely feel like you are the only person who cares about the relationship and that the other person doesn't. It also sounds like that when no other plans get made when an original plan gets cancelled, and that makes you feel incredibly sad. Have you talked about how you feel when people cancel plans on you with the other person? Perhaps having an open and honest conversation about how you feel and saying how you would really love to create a new plan together may help you and also the other person. 

I want to reassure you that your friends in particular who make plans with you but cancel on them for whatever reason would still care about you deeply, even though it might be hard to believe this because of them cancelling plans. I do understand though finding it hard to believe they care when they cancel plans, I used to overthink a lot as I was dealing with my own anxiety, but I found actually talking about how I feel to my friends and also getting counselling really helped me and my relationships.

Have you considered talking to a mental health professional about this? Would you be open to it?

I really hope just a little bit of what I have written helps you.

- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚

Hey @Watermelon_Springs 

I think it is completely okay to feel sad about plans getting canceled especially if it is in friendships. I appreciate that you reached out 😀 I completely resonate on this topic with you as I have had some past friendships where it felt like I was the only one putting in efforts and others were not quite interested or they were really busy. This situation did take a toll on me and I felt like maybe they are not interested that why they are making excuses and they never replanned anything. I felt really stupid expecting too much from my friends, and eventually I stopped.

Have you tried talking to them?

It might be a little blunt advice, but I will still say it if you are feeling that your friends are disinterested or they are too caught up in their work then it might me a signal for you to give that friendship or relationship some time like just take a break. stop making efforts for sometime- you might hear back from them. trust me on this no one is too busy or too caught up every single time to make excuses and if they are then it is time for you think do u want this friendship work? and if the answer is yes then try give it some break. and if u don't see any progress then maybe try to call them or have a conversation (face to face) with them and let them know how you feel about their behavior.

Also, you are not alone this is something I feel everybody goes through at some point or other in life.🤗 

I hope this helps.