Trying to work out if I'm the problem or if it is the people I am around.
Hello,
This is my first post here. Recently I went through an incident at school were I have been cancelled because I voiced an opinion that upset some people. After I realised that it was offensive I apologised straight away to my friendship group via a message on a group chat. However when they responded back on the chat they did not forgive me and even thought that what I had said I had really meant. This happened last year.
This year after moving to a new friendship group, somebody found out about last year and brought up the thing that I had said, accusing me of saying it to her face. She told everyone in the new friendship group, so for the second time I was cancelled.
This time it was really bad. Whenever I sat down people walked away from me.
I was excluded for up to 8 weeks of school all while this was being investigated by teachers.
However nothing ended up happening so I found 2 new friends to sit with, who I am thankful that I found.
This whole experience however has made me feel like I was the problem. Now it feels like I'm failing at school and that people are gossiping about me, believing lies that are being told about me.
It upsets me because I feel unhappy with myself because a lot of the time I have felt isolated and alone at school.
It is getting better now. I would like some tips on how to move on though maybe.
Comments
Hi there! Welcome to the community, and thank you for opening up about your recent experiences.
I'm really sorry to hear about the tough times you've had at school lately. It's never easy to feel excluded or misunderstood, especially when you've taken responsibility for your actions and genuinely apologised. Try to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and what matters is how we learn and grow from them.
It's completely understandable that the whole situation has left you feeling upset and unhappy with yourself. Experiencing exclusion and isolation can often lead us to question ourselves and feel like we are to blame. I know it can be hard at times, but try to be kind to yourself. You are more than the mistakes you've made and your worth as a person goes far beyond any negative perceptions others may hold. It's important to surround yourself with people who appreciate your growth and efforts to make amends.
I'm glad to hear that you've found two new friends to sit with. Having supportive and understanding friends can make a world of difference in how you navigate school and how you perceive yourself. Have you talked to these friends about how you're feeling?
In reflecting on your past friendships, this friendship test might help, as well as this article on dealing with friendships that make you feel a bit crap.
Take care, and know that reachout community is here for you😊
Hi Hannah,
Thanks for the response. The more time that I spend putting energy into myself and not putting energy into being angry or upset about the past has made it easier to distance myself. The distancing has been good as less people seem to care about what happened and I realised that I was not the problem.
I have also learned that sometimes you have to be careful with what you share with other people. I have found however, people that are willing to listen to my strong opinions and won't judge me for having them. Or challenge my way of thinking but not in a malicious way.
It still was a hard lesson to learn/continue to learn.
JMozina 💓
Hey @Purplepanther15 ,
Good on you for giving things a go. This is the first step in getting things ironed out. I can certainly be hard sometimes.
Even though we end up learning the hard way at times, it doesn't mean you will always learn the hard way. It is certainly encouraged that you learn to appreciate yourself and who you are so that you can then focus this energy on yourself. You deserve it after all 🙂
You may hear people say it's important to 'find your tribe'. So that's about people appreciating you for who you are. Acknowledging you for your values. Seeing and pointing out your strengths.
You are not alone @Purplepanther15 - just keep your head high 🙂
