developing feelings again
im in so much denial it's not funny, im having a hard time accepting the fact that i still have a crush on that girl from last year then things happened, we both made mistakes, she Hurt me, and I hurt her( not physically), we’ve said sorry and i guess we're back to good friends, i mean, she’s buying a bracelet off me and asking about the market I have and for me to send her the details and she’s calling me my nickname plus she said she's going to buy me beads for my birthday present( no hesitation and i just suggested something like beads because I'll need to stock up) she just responded promptly "right, I'll buy you beads!". and at snack she called out “NICKNAME! hi!” in a very enthusiastic tone. im not sure, I guess I just don’t want my heart broken again.
Advice?
P.s: she’s coming to my birthday party in the middle of November ( my birthday is in the first few weeks of November)
P.P.S: we've known each other for maybe nearly two years
EEK i have butterflies just from typing this lol
Comments
Denial is a pretty common component of having a crush. I think a lot of the difficulty that comes with admitting a crush is because of the pressure it may put on us. People tend to think that a relationship or heartbreak are the only two endings of a crush, but in your case, you absolutely don't have to set any expectations for the future of these feelings.
If you did get your "heart broken again," would that be because of rejection? It can be hard to make peace with rejection when you want a different outcome, but it's much easier to do so if you feel assured that it's not the end of the world. That's not to negate how sad or disappointing rejection may feel, but time will always pass and you will grow along with it.
Your birthday party can be a great chance to talk to her as a person, and perhaps get closer.
Hi @gay_disabled_human ! Developing feelings for someone can be both an exciting and confusing experience! It's perfectly normal to have mixed feelings, especially when you're navigating a relationship that's had it share of ups and downs. I can completely understand your hesitation and fear around getting your heart broken again, its natural to be cautious when you've been hurt in the past.
Your upcoming birthday party seems like a nice opportunity to spend more time together and see how things unfold. Remember to prioritise your well-being and do what feels right for you 😊
While us mods can't offer relationship advice, i'd love to hear what advice you'd give to a friend who was in your situation?
unfortunately i wouldn't be able to give advice because I've only ever been in one real relationship and it was incredibly toxic.
Hey @gay_disabled_human ,
It sounds like you've had a rough trot in the past, and hence it is understandable you are a little cautious about this girl. We hear you don't want to be hurt again, especially if you have been in a previously toxic relationship.
I'm wondering if you can ask yourself what you are feeling deep down about this girl? (You don't need to answer on the forums). Also, what would an 'ideal' relationship look like to you - Are there things you see important/must have's in a relationship (e.g. trust, openness, honesty)? At the same time, what are things you don't want in a relationship?
These are all questions for yourself. Things to consider.
As Hannah mentioned, maybe this party is a good way just to chat and see how things go. Then maybe, in due time, if you think things are progressing, then maybe an open conversation with her is a start.
You may not have the answer straight away - and that's okay.
Take your time. It's important you feel comfortable with whichever step you take.
I am sorry to hear about your past relationship experiences. I know that you are not alone in this and that I have been in quite a few toxic relationships in the past, which has made it hard on my current relationships, so it is entirely normal to be experiencing these types of feelings and thoughts after being hurt.
I would say be extra kind to yourself, and if you need to take some time to prioritise your mental health needs, I would highly suggest you do so in whatever way that looks like.
Having a crush, particularly on someone you were close to and had an intimate connection to, can get a bit overwhelming; I see that you both made some mistakes that hurt each other, which can add to feelings of confusion and overwhelm.
However, it is a great sign to see that you managed to apologise to each other, move on and stay as good friends; that shows that you two have a healthy relationship despite the challenges with maturity and good communication.
Let things flow, be friendly, talk with her casually, enjoy her company, and you never know what can come out of that down the track. Sometimes, we meet the right person, but the timing is not quite right, so be hopeful, try to stay in the moment and take each day as it comes so you don't get disappointed or hurt if something doesn't go as planned, for example.
By the sounds of it, I think she really likes your company and what you bring to the friendship!
I hope this helped you feel a little better; I would love to hear an update on how your connection with her is going, so feel free to drop by any day to share what's been going on if you feel comfortable or need further support. 😊
Take care! 🦋🌸
