help with relationship stuff

Hi there @I_Tried 

I'm hearing that you're missing your previous relationship, but are unsure if you actually miss it or if you just want to be loved. It sounds like you're having a difficult time with these feelings, and it's been a hard time for you recently.

I understand that you're unsure if you want to move on or not. Maybe you could write down a list of pros and cons, or write a letter explaining your feelings so that you can get some further clarity about the situation. I like to do these sorts of things when I run into conflicting situations, because it helps me analyse my thoughts when I can see them externally. 

It can be difficult to see reminders of a previous partner or relationship when you've just gone through a breakup. What methods of self-care do you have in place to look after yourself when you experience these difficult feelings? For instance, when I went through something similar I tried to get in touch with my interests and listen to songs that I like, or watch a favourite movie, or spend time with my friends. 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, reach out again anytime 💜

Hey @I_Tried this is so tough - you deserve a relationship where the other person wants you just as much as you want them. I hope you are taking care of yourself during this hard time and doing little things that bring you happiness. 

All of these feelings and desires you have to love and to be loved are really special. It might be helpful to try turning these back on yourself - show yourself all of the affection and care that you want to show someone else. Be proud of yourself, take care of yourself, reward yourself and do random special things for yourself. This sort of thing can really help build your self-esteem and confidence, plus can help you to learn heaps about the person you are! It can be tricky at first - but small steps work. I hope this is helpful. Let me know how you go 💜

Hi @I_Tried 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, it can be hard to do so.

It must be very hard what you are going through - to have someone around and someone to talk to, to then not be able to talk to them anymore. In this time, self-care and learning how to be comfortable with being by yourself is very important. What things do you like to do to make you feel better?

Like what @ironsharpensiron said, embrace this new chapter in your life of singleness but also let yourself feel the emotions you are feeling. Keeping them bottled up wouldn't be good for you at all and this is a good time for you to grow in yourself.

I haven't been through a break up with a romantic partner but i have with my best friend of 10 years. When i lost her it felt so uncomfortable to be on my own and when things happened, it felt weird not telling her straight away. But as time went on, i learnt new things about myself. I learnt how to be okay with myself and i also pushed myself to try new things and make new friends. Now i have a whole new friendship group and have grown into a person i love. It is so wonderful to be able to have experienced a love and share the memories that you had with her. 💕

As hard as it is, try to not blame yourself through this. Break ups happen, and it is not your fault that is happened. Try to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to heal over this. 

Hi @I_Tried - thanks for being vulnerable in sharing your story.

I can only imagine what you're feeling right now, and I empathise because I have experienced similar instances with past relationships (one fairly recently that ended): the feelings of longing for intimacy, the reminders from past memories and seeing styles of clothing that she would wear, and everything in between.

It is nice to feel comfortable and supported, and being in love is arguable the best feeling in the world, however you are in a situation now where you have to accept that she made her decision - although seemingly abruptly - a while ago. It isn't fair on you to have to grieve longer, but it is the way it is and experiences like this definitely happen for a reason - and you will grow stronger in the long run.

I would advise to embrace this season of singleness to care for yourself, go through the emotions to their entirety, understand that you did everything in your power to make things right and be grateful that the relationship did not end on bad terms. Look back at the good times, and apply that to the next relationship, but please do not rush. Take your time to grieve properly and continue growing to be the best version of yourself.

Don't put blame on yourself for trying to make the relationship work (I felt like I lost myself at times too), it just shows that you were willing to compromise and grow together. But biblically speaking, you cannot  be unequally yoked and you should spend this time to figure some things out about yourself - as uncomfortable as it may seem!

God bless, and if it helps, maybe strengthening your faith in this period of singleness will allow you to find peace and ultimately the source of love - engaging in the Word has definitely been helping me overcome feelings of loneliness and heartbreak.

Hi @I_Tried 

I’m sorry to hear about your relationship ending. The ending of a relationship of any kind can be tough, a friend of mine recently went through a similar thing, so I aim to support you through this message as I do my friend. 

It is a great thing to have experienced that love and to have such positive memories from that experience despite the relationship ending. Maybe some time away from each other will make the bond grow stronger or, the more common occurrence, you will discover new things about yourself that you wouldn’t have been able to whilst in a relationship. Sometimes you have to learn to love yourself first, which I know sounds super cheesey but I have been in so many relationships where I did not value myself or my own company and found myself rebuilding. I know it is easier said than done, but I truely think this is a positive step even if you two do reunite! 

I highly recommend looking into arranging an activity with your friends that maybe you may have never tried before but always wanted to, or even go do it alone! 

Here’s a little Spotify podcast rec that may help, I would link it but this forum doesn’t seem to let me post Spotify links. It’s called The Psychology of Your 20’s and the episode is ep.79: The Psychology of Breakups.

The best of luck on your healing journey! 

Hi @I_Tried , 

Thankyou for sharing with us, i'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling this way lately. It can be really upsetting when relationships end, I really feel for you. It sounds like you've been having lots of confusing feelings since you broke up with your girlfriend, which it really understandable.

Please know that you're not at all alone in these thoughts and feelings, I think that a lot of the things you've described here are a really normal part of going through a relationship break-up, and beginning to heal.

I'm really sorry to hear that you had a panic attack the other day - these can feel really scary, especially when it's your first time experiencing that kind of anxiety. I'm wondering whether you have any special support people in your life who you could lean on at the moment while you're healing - a friend, family member, counsellor? henever i've had a relationship end, it's always really helped me to lean on the other people in my life. It sounds like since this relationship has ended that you're really missing the connection you used to have with your girlfriend - having someone to talk with, spend time with. Romantic relationships are really special, but emotional closeness is something that you can find in lots of different types of relationships! You've made a really great start at this by articulating all your thoughts and feelings here too!

You might also like to check out this RO article about going through a break-up too:

https://au.reachout.com/relationships/romantic-relationships/coping-with-a-breakup 

Please be gentle with yourself. I'm thinking of you and sending lots of care your way 💗🌻