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i want to stop being friends

i have a two friends that i’m only realising now, are very bad for me, they can be manipulative/guilt-trippy and i always feel like i’m walking on egg shells when i’m around them.

I’ve only been realising this recently, as it’s come to my attention that i’m not the only person that they’ve been treating like this.

If there is any fights or issues within the group they’ll take each other’s side no matter if they are in the right or wrong, and it’s just very frustrating because

they team up in gas-lightning me into feeling like i’m wrong and doing something bad.

I don’t know how to bring up the fact i don’t wanna be friends anymore, because they really don’t have any other friends and i don’t want to leave them all alone. They keep saying how they hope we can be friends forever but i don’t see that as realistic.

I know they both deal with abandonment issues and i really don’t want to promote that. I’m stuck in a loop of wanting to leave but knowing it would put them in a bad way if i did, but i’m in a bad way if i stay…

i’m really unsure of what to do or how i can deal with it.  

Tulip_Squid
Tulip_SquidPosted 29-11-2021 02:30 AM

Comments

 
Philippa-RO
Philippa-ROPosted 29-11-2021 04:47 PM

@Tulip_Squid that sounds like a really tough situation. I really liked what you said about how you're feeling stuck because you want to leave but "it would put them in a bad way if i did, but i'm in a bad way if i stay" - that's so wise and so true.

 

When you put it so clearly, I guess it makes me think that at the end of the day, you can only really be responsible for yourself and your own wellbeing and happiness. In my experience, even if we try to sacrifice ourselves for other people's happiness, usually they're not happy anyway. You deserve to be happy too. 

 

Do you think the relationship is redeemable? Eg. Do you think you could talk to them and tell them how you're feeling? Or do you feel like the relationship is past that point for you now? It sounds like there's been a lot of hurt and only you can know what's going to be best for you.

I understand that you're worried about their feelings if you decide to leave, but they do have each other and your feelings are just as important as theirs. 💛

 

I'm not sure if it's helpful, but we have some good resources on our website about friendships and dealing with a toxic friendship that might be worth a read through.

Do you have any other friends or people in your life you could talk to for advice?

I really hope the best way forward becomes clearer for you. 

 
 
Tulip_Squid
Tulip_SquidPosted 04-12-2021 01:07 AM

hello @Philippa-RO

thank you so much for the advice, i really appreciate the thoughts you put into this response. 

i'm still in this stage of deciding what to do, but this reply has made it feel like there isn't as much pressure if i choose to leave them.  thank you very much 💚

 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 04-12-2021 12:49 PM

Hi @Tulip_Squid, thanks so much for sharing. If you ever want to chat this out a bit more, feel free to drop the community a line here :smiley: We are here to listen!

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