@Tulip_Squid that sounds like a really tough situation. I really liked what you said about how you're feeling stuck because you want to leave but "it would put them in a bad way if i did, but i'm in a bad way if i stay" - that's so wise and so true.
When you put it so clearly, I guess it makes me think that at the end of the day, you can only really be responsible for yourself and your own wellbeing and happiness. In my experience, even if we try to sacrifice ourselves for other people's happiness, usually they're not happy anyway. You deserve to be happy too.
Do you think the relationship is redeemable? Eg. Do you think you could talk to them and tell them how you're feeling? Or do you feel like the relationship is past that point for you now? It sounds like there's been a lot of hurt and only you can know what's going to be best for you.
I understand that you're worried about their feelings if you decide to leave, but they do have each other and your feelings are just as important as theirs. 💛
I'm not sure if it's helpful, but we have some good resources on our website about friendships and dealing with a toxic friendship that might be worth a read through.
Do you have any other friends or people in your life you could talk to for advice?
I really hope the best way forward becomes clearer for you.