Time for Tinder or Something More Tender?

That makes a lot of sense to me @j95 tell me if I'm getting this right. Judgement happens when someone doesn't respect or understand your reviews and on top of that is a bit of a dick about it. So if someone is judging,  they might pay you out, get mad or upset when you're just trying to be yourself?

What makes the difference between a friendship, casual sex or intimacy and a romantic relationship?

You picked another tricky one @j95!  

I think that you could potentialy have all three types of relationship with the same person at the same time! Certainly I think a lot of people in "normal" relationships are friends and also have a romantic relationship.  I know a few people who are in relationships where they are friends, have casual sex but are also romantic though! So i think maybe these three things are ingredients in a relationship and you can have all or none of them in any connection you have with a person. 

I need to chew on that a little though!  

What makes the difference between a friendship, casual sex or intimacy and a romantic relationship?

I think both of you have hit the nail on the head there @Ben-RO @tsnyder They can be ingredients to a relationship or be just fine on their own. But alone, a friendship is when you know a person is there for you, non judgmental and happy to hang out with you,  casual sex is pretty self explanatry and doesn't go that deep emotionally, and a romantic relatiionship might combine the friendship and sexual elements (or maybe not) while allowing you to get a little closer and get to know each other a bit more. 

Sure dude!  

@tsnyder yep i reckon that's the key, making sure both people know what's up! I think things get especially complicated when you don't spend 5 minutes letting the other person know what you'd like out of the relationship, and also ask them what they'd like too! 

Do you think people are often comfortable enough to say what they want? Especially if it's not what they think the other person wants? 

@Ben-RO I don't know if most people are comfortable enough or not... I know when I was younger my mates would always tell me to manage it by going through periods or not texting someone (basically micro managing), but when  I got older I found it helpful to occassionally just casually raise the point casually.

Have you ever used Tinder or anther dating app? How did you find it? Or why don’t you use em

No I haven't! I feel like its akin to cataloguing people which seems obscene to me because there is way more to each of us than our appearance or blurb could say.  I feel like the swipe right swipe left thing is teaching poor values.  That being said, if it's your thing, then that's cool to, not judging!

Have you ever used Tinder or anther dating app? How did you find it? Or why don’t you use em?

Have you ever used Tinder or anther dating app? How did you find it? Or why don’t you use em?

Yep! I have used Tinder, i found it pretty good, although i made a lot of friends and didn't find many people i wanted to be more than friends with :P. I was kind of annoyed at having a conversation via text, it felt really repetitive and like  i was just getting to know the parts of the person's personality they felt like they wanted to " show off" rather than the actual person! 

Have you ever used Tinder or anther dating app? How did you find it? Or why don’t you use em?

I have used Tinder and its worked out for me on a couple of occasions, like briefly, nothing hugely serious came from it though. When I first used it I was thinking eeek what if people I know see me on it, is this weird, am I being desperate? But eventually I just got over it and didn't care, turns out a few of my mates use it anyway haha

I definitely don't think there's anything wrong with Tinder, I think it's a great place to meet people just not such a good place to get to know them better, that' probably just me though! 

haha yeah @j95 a lot of people use it!  What would you tell someone to expect who wanted to start using it?

haha I'm not about to start using it, but it sounds like a lot.  Do you think it effects how you view people?

So I'm still really curious 

What are some of the things that make us a bit hesitant to just share what we're feeling up front? 

What are some of the things that make us a bit hesitant to just share what we're feeling up front? 

Maybe concern that the other person isn't feeling the same way and the relationships will end?

Pretty reasonable @j95! 

For me I think it's fear that what i want doesn't match with what they want, whether that be wanting more or less than them. For e.g they might not want something too serious, or they might want something really serious, and i might want the opposite. 

So my instinct is to not say anything for fear of stuffing up what i do have by saying the wrong thing. It's one of those cases where maybe my instinct is wrong, and it's better to be a bit more upfront even if it means you have to go back to swiping a little sooner. That's because I've decided telling people what i want is a way of showing them respect 

How is a gentle way to have this conversation, since it seems to be a pretty nervous one?