Feeling average
I have insecurities and issues around my body and my sexuality (greysexual, meaning I experience little to no sexual attraction for others). I have a boyfriend but his sexuality is different to mine, and the difference triggers my depression and trust issues. I don’t know how to talk to anyone in my life about these topics, I guess I have tried with my best friend, but she didn’t know what I should do or what to really say. I’m afraid to go into details on this post even though the forum is anonymous…because I’m afraid I’ll be seen as a bad person for the way I feel. I would like to be understood and have clarity on what to do next, because I’ve been stuck in this mindset for 3 months. I haven’t been able to work through my feelings properly because I’ve been so busy, and so has my boyfriend, so he doesn’t know who he truly is to be able to work through our differences together. Honestly, I think my problems are too many for one post.
Comments
Hey @reindeer31,
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Having with insecurities around your body and sexuality, especially when your experiences are different from your boyfriend's, can be an overwhelming experience. Also, while it's normal to worry about being misunderstood or judged, I want to say that your feelings are completely valid. 💙
Given the conversation with your best friend, it can also be challenging when we feel limited in who we can talk to about what we're experiencing. As @Chloe-RO suggested, it could be helpful reaching out to some support groups. Here's an awesome list put together by ReachOut: Culturally diverse LGBTQIA+ support services and groups
In the meantime, I'm wondering if there's anything you could do to take care of yourself? I ask as practicing self-care helps to ground me when I'm feeling down or overwhelmed. The small things work best, such as going on a walk outside to reading my favourite book at the moment, as they're manageable and allow me to be consistent. Do you think there's anything you can do for yourself like this today?
I'm wishing you the very best and sending hugs! Please know you're not alone and that the ReachOut community will always be here to listen. 💛
Hey @reindeer31
Just checking in to see how you're feeling today?
I also wanted to share this thread where other people in our community identify as greysexual as well. It might be validating to read their experiences or chat to them about yours 😊
You mentioned that you have insecurities around your body, is that something you'd like to talk about a little more?
Hi, I apologise for not logging back into my account for so long... I have seen that Iona has retired from being a RO moderator so she won't see this reply. But in case anyone else is reading, as sad as it sounds, I am still healing and reflecting on these immensely complicated issues. My relationship with my boyfriend ended over these feelings, although we still love each other. If I am able to eventually find clarity over navigating dating with my insecurities and/or being greysexual, I will let the ace community here know. Still working on it. 🙂
Hi @reindeer31 🪴
No need to apologise for not logging back on — we totally understand. We are just glad to have you back, and we appreciate you sharing this update. It is completely normal to still be healing and reflecting on everything. Healing is not linear, and it takes time, especially when it involves nuanced aspects like sexuality and identity.
I am really sorry to hear that your relationship ended, but it is wonderful that you both still hold mutual love for each other. I hope you know that you were doing your best to navigate it, and sometimes that is all we can do — try our best, learn from the experience, and grow so we can love others and ourselves in a way that feels right.
As a fellow greysexual, I completely understand how you feel, and I just want you to know you are not alone in this.
Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for this lovely reply, I wish you all the best as well! It makes me feel comforted to know we aren't alone - everything we feel is valid and very real.
Hey @reindeer31 ,
Thank you for taking the time and energy to post about what's been happening for you in your life. It sounds like there are some big feelings floating around in terms of your sexuality and the sexuality of others. It must feel isolating not to be able to speak to someone about it, let alone someone who can share some insight.
I read you have tried speaking to your friend about it, but you didn't get much out of it.
I see that you are wanting to gain some clarity around what your next steps can be, especially since you've been in this mindset for 2 months. I'm wondering whether you have every reached out to QLife? You may find their supports helpful in that you can talk about what's happening for you. People often find this service very helpful. Besides phone, they also have a webchat which may appeal to you.
Would you consider giving it a go?
Remember, there are people out there who have been through similar circumstances. You are not alone.
Thank you for helping me, I appreciate you 🙂
You're right, it is very isolating. I'll definitely give them a go.
