I don't know what to do, something still feels off, I'm starting to think it's all just me.
Hey everyone,
Haven't posted in a little while. Been stuck trying to figure everything out, last Tuesday I was forced by my in person councillor to finish my VIS (Victim Impact Statement.) I'm aware that it's something that'll never feel completed however after the DPP (Department of Public Prosecutions) and I had read through most of my statement, (didn't get though it all because mum and dad were spamming etc, I believe I mentioned in a previous post) the councillor had sat with me changing it taking things out (on multiple occasions) that's why DPP had decided we'd stop working on it and left it for the councillor and I.
Fast forward to today, I had permission off a deputy principal aka my legal studies teacher as she was filling in for a deputy principal. To use my phone, I called the detective and he's now up to date, he hopefully won't show up to court around 9:30- 10 am like he'd mentioned as I informed him my understanding is that it'll be at 2pm however since I've taken all of next week off school, Mon -Thu to do work experience at my work as it's familiar and for more/different jobs and so it doesn't mess my school attendance as it did last year when I took the week off for trial now I have a "proper" reason.
I was hanging with my parents in their room earlier tonight and then court was brought up, I thought "oh shit, dad's gonna lose it" he seemed confused at first then mum continued saying how I want to do It in the town court, he said "but why she can do it from our local court in the CCTV room like she did last year," and mum continued to which he's surprisingly agreed saying he'll stay here and look after my little brother, whether he goes to school that day or not will be sorted closer too.
Basically I'm quite shocked and surprised that dad agreed to it, I've been stressing Soo much about it for the longest time now, and to find out it was finally as easy as that blows my mind as whenever I've brought it up in the past, he blows a fuse, yells and reckons he's right.
Now I'm just really worried about tomorrow as yesterday I broke down at school with the thought everything is so close and now tomorrow is the last day I'll be there before sentencing, some of my teachers know a bit about this, some more than others where most just know its court related and nothing further. I spoke to the teacher who's relieving the deputy principal and she suggested I speak to my year advisor, so I did, he said he'll send out an email to teachers to take it easy but now I'm stressed about that as well as I don't want to be bombarded with emails or them pulling me aside either in class, around the school tomorrow or when I'm back eg nagging me to get work done etc.
I hope this has made sense, I'm sorry it's long, Just really needed to vent to someone and I feel heard on here so thank you to those who respond to my posts.
Take it easy.
Comments
Hi @Anonymous_Owl,
I just want to say you’re handling so much right now, and it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot—between the VIS, court, school, work experience, and the stress around how people will respond.
First off, I’m really glad you’re feeling heard here. You deserve that. It’s also okay to feel however you’re feeling—whether that’s relief about your dad’s reaction, stress about tomorrow, or just exhausted from everything.
With school, it’s fair to be worried about teachers treating you differently, but hopefully, they’ll just be understanding without making a big deal out of it.
And with sentencing coming up, I imagine that’s weighing on you a lot. Just know that whatever happens, you aren’t alone in this. You’ve been strong enough to get to this point, and you’ll get through the next steps too. If you need to take things one moment at a time, that’s completely okay.
Please know that the ReachOut community will always be here to listen to you. 💙
I am so sorry to hear that you have been enduring all of this, I can't imagine what you went through and are continuing to go through. I would like to say how brave I think you are for doing a Victim Impact Statement. I hope expressing the impact the incident had/has on you empowers you and helps you attain the justice you deserve.
In regard to your first point, is the councillor changing things in your VIS something you are not happy with? and is that something you could raise with the councillor? After all, it is your VIS and should contain your voice, you shouldn't be stripped of that. If this is not the case, I hope the councillor has still maintained your voice and has just helped with the structure for court and you are still happy with how the VIS is.
It is great to hear that your father has changed his tone and is being more supportive. That is definitely what you need right now. It was definitely understandable for you to be worried about his reaction after how he has acted in the past. It definitely would have been jarring for you to see such a big change in his demeanour, but maybe he realised this close to the court date that he should be supporting you, not adding unnecessary pressure. Perhaps your mum also had a conversation with him about his behaviour. It also sounds like your mum is supportive of you and I hope her being there on the day will be comforting for you. I read your previous posts about your parents spamming you during your meeting with the DPP, and I am sorry to hear that. It must have been overwhelming and distracting for you. I am sure in their head they are just very worried about you and want to be there and make sure you're okay, they just don't realise they're crossing boundaries and being more destructive with their behaviour.
Perhaps it is a good thing that your teachers know, if you do happen to break down at school, they will be understanding and hopefully provide you with support. I hope you have friends that can comfort you as well. I can definitely understand why you would be worried that your teachers will be singling you out or treating you differently, but as your teachers, I think they will act more sensitively about the matter. Even if they don't know the details and that it's just court related, I'm sure they won't bombard you with emails as they won't want to overwhelm you and if they do pull you aside, it won't be during class and they will limit any attention being drawn to you. I hope they will be understanding of you when you get back aswell, as to not add extra pressure on you about getting work done. Perhaps you can develop a work plan with your year advisor to limit the pressure and make the work load more attainable for you during this hard time.
For the sentencing date and delivering your VIS, I wish you strength and courage as you share your truth. May you find peace and healing in expressing yourself, and may your words bring the justice and closure you deserve. May God be with you and know that we are all here for support.
Good luck and I hope for the best outcome possible! 💛
Hey @Luna_Lovegood thank you for your kind words, "is the councillor changing things in your VIS something you are not happy with?" yes it is, I had a meeting with the witness assistance officer and a solicitor earlier and they are letting my sister and I ammend them, however I'm unsure if I'm able to add extra to it, I've been up working on it because they can go through it then once ok send it to the judge and deffence so they all have the correct copy infront of them.
"Perhaps your mum also had a conversation with him about his behaviour." I whispered to her after dad left as I was shocked and she said he did it, so it's quite weird and he's decided to stay home and look after my brother 11 & 18. In relation to the teachers I spoke to a couple last week letting them know I won't be in this week and 1 said I'll have a lot of catch up to do, 2 said any work I need to complete will be put on the google classroom, however whenever anything is posted on there it sends an email and it's hard to avoid looking at as I check my emails for updates from the DPP. I might send a email to my yr advisor later about the stress of school work although I called the school earlier and the office lady's will hopefully pass the message for the deputy principal to call me later as she was busy or I'll pop in before work experience as I start at 10.
Thank you for your kind and caring words I really appreciate your support, I'll keep the community updated.💙
Take care.
Hi @Anonymous_Owl thank you for sharing this with us 💛
This seems like a very stressful time for yourself but it sounds like you have a support system in place with your family as well as your year advisor. It can be overwhelming when you are going through tough situations and outsiders are asking if you are okay. Even though it is because they care, it can be hard to be asked about it a lot especially when you don't feel like talking about it.
Please remember that you are allowed to set boundaries with people if you don't want to talk about it with them. I usually say something like "I appreciate how much you care for me and that you are checking in with how i am feeling but at the moment i dont want to discuss it". I get good responses when i say this because your ackowledging that they are caring for you but also are setting the boundary. Would this be something you would be comfortable in practicing when you go back to school?
It is also nice to hear the support from your dad and relief you would have felt receiving a calm response instead of an angry one. Sometimes it can be confusing especially when you have prepared yourself or only experience a negative reaction. It sounds like your dad is understanding how difficult this time is for you.
Additionally, during this time it might be best to practice some self-care. Some things i like to do is paint, read, exercise or spend time with friends. What are some self-care things that you have done or would like to do to help relax yourself?
All the best ♥️
Thank you for your message @sunnygirl606 It’s reassuring to hear that I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed, and I appreciate the reminder about boundaries. It can be hard to talk about things when I'm not ready, so I think I will try what you suggested and practice setting those boundaries, especially at school. It does help to acknowledge that people care, but also to protect myself when I’m not ready to talk. I do feel lucky to have my dad’s support this time, especially with his calm response—it makes a difference compared to what I expected, I just wish it had come sooner as it came out of the blue after countless times talking where he'd get mad resulting in my anxiety escalating. I think he’s trying to understand how hard this time is for me, which means a lot. As for self-care, I’ve been focusing on doing things that help me take my mind off things, like work experience at PCYC where I volunteer during the holidays and after school some days instead of going to school it's put my attendance as school business for this week, which is good as last yr I had trial and was put on leave which affected attendance like hanging out with my colleague or coloring when I have the energy. I also like spending time with my 3 cats, which is always a calming thing for me. I think I should probably make time for these things more, though, especially with everything going on.
In response to "I appreciate how much you care for me and that you are checking in with how i am feeling but at the moment i dont want to discuss it". I get good responses when i say this because your acknowledging that they are caring for you but also are setting the boundary. Would this be something you would be comfortable in practicing when you go back to school?" I think so, I'm unsure tho as I don't know how Friday will go as detective called earlier saying he won't be there and that he's unsure if itll go forward or not as defendant may not be there but I had a meeting with the witness assistance officer and a solicitor and they said it usually happens in 2 parts and so my sister and I will likely read our VIS's but he may be sentenced on a different day depending.
Hi @Anonymous_Owl thank you for your response, it is good to hear from you!
All those self-care activities sound great! I also like how you acknowledged that you should probably make time for those activities more. If you enjoy planning/having a schedule, i highly recommend doing this! This helps me to make sure i set time aside for myself to reset and care for myself! In saying that, if you schedule only a certain amount of time but find you need more, it is okay! Do not feel guilty about spending extra time on self-care things when you need it.
I understand what you mean about wishing you had the support for your dad earlier because it would have helped ease the anxiety. Is this something you feel comfortable talking to your dad about? Not in a way that he feels like you are accusing him of anything bad, but just explaining that you are grateful you have his support now and how anxious you felt without it? Only do this if you feel comfortable, safe to do so or if you think it is needed. 💛
It must be daunting not knowing what will be happening on the Friday and feeling like you out of the loop a bit. It must feel draining not knowing the exact process of how things will take place but it is good that you are able to speak with the witness assistance officer and solicitor to help guide you through of what may or may not happen. It is okay to feel unsure or anxious about everything going on and leaning on your support system when you are ready can help you manage. I am glad you are willing to communicate your boundaries.
Best of luck and take care of yourself 🌻
