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I hate my mum so much

How many times do I need to continue on getting angry at her just because she won’t even listen to me nor believe a single word that I’ve been telling her about many times everytime she needs to bring up a topic regarding my skin condition. Like she’s always assuming things based off of what she sees and instead of doing any further research about it and of course she’ll always assume it and continue to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do (even though I know very well myself about what works for my skin and whatnot) because she herself hasn’t even experienced having a skin condition that I have right now herself. 🤷‍♀️

Even though I keep telling her many times already to stop talking about, she would say that she’ll stop talking about in the most nonchalant way possible and then talks about it again the next time.

on top of that, she literally doesn’t give a shit about how much she’ll continue to annoy me.

 

oh btw before anyone mentions about whether I’m any other professional help such as kids helpline, eheadspace etc. yes I am - so I would highly appreciate if you don’t provide me ‘suggestions’ for these things at all since I am currently seeking counselling through KHL on a weekly basis, and it’ll make me annoyed if anyone is suggesting it. I hope you guys understand, thanks! 🙂

Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 31-10-2023 02:52 PM

Comments

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 03-11-2023 11:19 AM

Hey @Blueberries

 

That’s highly frustrating. You are the one living with the condition. All that matters is that you found a way to manage it that works for you and your doctor is okay with it. Her opinion on what you should/shouldn’t do is irrelevant especially considering she hasn’t done any research. She probably means well but it really doesn’t reduce the annoyance of unnecessary opinions.

 

I don’t really understand why people continue to talk about things others have specifically requested them to not talk about. It just seems easy to respect other people’s wishes enough to stop. Is there any way you can tune her out? Easier said than done but it might be the only thing you can do if she’s not willing to change her behaviour. Have you explained to her why it bothers you? Sometimes people genuinely believe they’re being helpful by behaving a certain way even when the other person has asked them to stop.

 

I hope things change for the better.

 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 03-11-2023 12:22 PM

@Lapis_Anteater I 100% agree with everything you’ve said - and they’re all exactly my thoughts.

 

yes, I have told her like multiple times why it bothers me so much when she has to keep mentioning them but she still doesn’t give a shit about it and even though she said she’ll stop talking about it (she always says that in the most nonchalant way possible) she’ll continue to bring up about it whenever and whenever she sees the condition of my skin as days or weeks go by.
The good thing is my skin is currently doing better than it was before because I stick to what works for me (which is the skincare products that I’ve been starting to use for 2 weeks now and they’re excellent for those that have sensitive skin) to which she thankfully accepted and didn’t tell me off about of course. But I don’t understand her logic of how “healing naturally” and “not using anything” would make your skin heal faster???? I mean I guess I get that because she herself has had some bad experiences with using some products that end up not being effective for our skin but that doesn’t mean that you can’t stop using skincare altogether - you just have to find out what works for you.

 
 
 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 07-11-2023 04:13 PM

Hey @Blueberries

 

Ah that’s so irritating. I’m really glad that your skin is improving! Yeah, some people think natural equals better or that it is weirdly morally superior. Sometimes you just need to medicate things to fix them. You’re completely right, everyone is different. You shouldn’t really use your personal experience of things to lecture other people on what they should do (especially when they didn’t ask for your advice).

 
frogonthelake
frogonthelakePosted 31-10-2023 11:56 PM

Hi @Blueberries
Although I'm sure I can't fully put myself in your shoes, I would like to share how I experienced a similar situation and I can kind of understand your irritation:) I have been struggling with my acne for quite sometime, though it got a bit better now I may say:)) My family reacted in the same manner your mother did. I mean, I sorta know that it was because they cared about me so they wanted to find a way to improve my condition. But it did piss me off a bit, since I felt like I was a bit "controlled". I certainly did not like how my family was trying to tell me what to do as well because I already did all of the research myself. So I may say I can relate a bit to the situation you are going through. 

I know it's hard for your mother to stop giving you advice based on her observation, it might be because she cares about you and wanna help, which probably has made it a bit harder for you to communicate your opinions. 

So as a person who can kind of see your frustration, I would recommend letting your mum be involved by sending her a scientifically proven article and simultaneously discussing with her how to take care of your skin so that she knows which research you have done and what you are up to. Because really, I think it would be hard for your mum to stop "giving you advice", so I think maybe a compromise could be helpful. She would be able to know that you are getting the hang of it without having to stop sharing her opinion. 

It probably would not make any instant difference in your relationship, but I think it might help reduce miscommunication between you and your mum. 

I hope this can help you feel a bit better🥺. 

 
Stormy-RO
Stormy-ROPosted 31-10-2023 04:12 PM

Hey @Blueberries I can really hear how frustrated and hurt you're feeling about your mum not listening or believing you when she brings up your skin condition. It's so frustrating that she continues to discuss it without doing any further research or understanding what it means to you. It sounds like you've tried a lot to communicate to her that this isn't a topic for discussion, and it hasn't worked. Having something that you're managing all by yourself be a debate for someone else is never fun. I was wondering whether you've been able to find a way to manage the conversation before it gets to the point that you're both angry? Has anything worked to stop the conversation early?

 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 31-10-2023 04:56 PM

@Stormy-RO

I don't see why there should be a way for me to manage it if all she's gonna do is bring it up again and making me upset everytime. And even when I'm upset, she literally doesn't give any empathy or even say sorry to me. She'll continue to bring it up anyway at anytime because I still have the skin condition (I'm not sure why you mentioned "what it means to you" cause I don't see why would it "mean" something to me?) and maybe by the time it goes completely away maybe within months time or something then I guess that's when she'll stop talking about it.

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 31-10-2023 06:28 PM

@Blueberries I can really hear your frustration. Being ignored is never fun, especially when you've repeatedly asked for your wishes to be respected. I agree that it would feel crappy to have to be the one to 'manage' the conversation, I believe Stormy's thoughts were around you being able to protect your emotional peace - i.e. by walking away from the conversation before anger and frustration get too intense. 

 

I am sorry that your mum isn't respecting your boundaries or empathising with you. I'm curious about how you think she might respond if you expressed this directly to her? 

 
 
 
 
Blueberries
BlueberriesPosted 01-11-2023 01:41 PM

I’ve expressed that to her many times before but she stills pretty much answers the same way that she usually would, so it’s no surprise. 🤷‍♀️

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