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I've done it (kind of)

After getting advised to do so from a couple of mods on here, I just went to chat online with an abuse hotline so they could clear up some questions I had about the possibility of reporting my abuser. By the end of that chat, I had given the lady I was talking to the information she asked for so she could report it. 

 

The situation with my abuser is kind of complicated and difficult so apparently she's going to see if she can file a report. She'll call me sometime tomorrow apparently to let me know whether she was able to or whether I'll have to report him myself. 

 

The shock of what I just did is wearing off and now I want to cry.

I just possibly reported a man I've been in love with for the past three years as an abuser.

Which he is. No matter how manipulated I may or may not have been (I still cannot tell whether anything he did was abusive) there is still one fact that neither of us could ever change that made it toxic and made it illegal and made him a bad person.

 

But I still love him.

 

I don't want to have to deal with cops.

I don't want to have to tell my parents the extent of what happened. I don't want my mother to give me her 'I told you so' look.

I don't want my computer and my phone looked through. It gives me such anxiety when people just touch them the thought of people looking through it, especially at the things I've been trying to hide for so long, is making me feel physically ill.

 

I don't know how I'm going to cope.

Sparkler
SparklerPosted 10-09-2015 03:24 AM

Comments

 
ElleBelle
ElleBellePosted 10-09-2015 09:47 PM

I'm so glad you found the courage to reach out and contact the hotline @Sparkler. That took a lot of inner strength. Like @lanejane said, sometimes the right thing isn't easy to do. 

 

How are you feeling tonight? Can you take a little time to do something that makes you feel better and helps you cope? We have some coping skills here, not to mention our mega thread of 1000001 Coping Strategies and Distractions. When the counsellor calls you back, you can let them know your worries about reporting and privacy. Hopefully they will be able to let you know how the process works and help you get through it.

 
lanejane
lanejanePosted 10-09-2015 10:14 AM

Hey @Sparkler

 

It seems like this was a really tough decision for you to make. I'm sorry that you're feeling like you want to cry Woman Sad Sometimes, just because we know something is right doesn't make it easy.

 

It was really brave of you to chat to someone from the abuse hotline. It sounds like they gave you some information which helped you make a decision about reporting him. Can you remember what they said about the situation? Maybe you could focus on some of the facts they gave you if you're feeling upset about making the report.

 

You seem pretty worried about what is going to happen with the report and what sort of questions your family or others might ask you. Just remember that what you're doing is for the best and that if you ever need extra support there are free online counsellors you can chat to about how you're feeling. There's always us here at ReachOut too - so you're not alone and we are here to chat without judgement Cat Happy

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