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Medical Event
I'm 16, and 2 weeks ago I had a stroke. I had emergency brain surgery and luckily there has been only very minimal damage to my brain.
I'm emotional all the time and I feel like shit because everyone thinks it is so much worse than it is, and so when I tell them I feel ok they don't really believe me.
Ever since I got back from hospital I have been having this nightmare where I'm having a stroke and my voice isn't working so I can't call out for help. And my legs don't respond so I die on the floor. The dream feels like it lasts for hours.
I feel so paranoid all the time, and I'm always on the verge of sobbing. I feel like I'm over reacting because I'm healthy with basically no damage. I don't even think this qualifies as trauma.
When I had the stroke, I was fully aware of what was going on, I just couldn't control my body. And so I keep remembering and replaying in my head when the drs are telling my parents that they don't know if I'm going to survive. Then I hear my mum start sobbing and my dad holds my hand and cries silently.
I don't have anyone else to talk to
Comments
Hi @Orchid_Octopus 
I am so sorry you had to go through this! Those nightmares sound horrible 😞
You are not overreacting. Just because you are 'fine' now doesn't mean the experience itself wasn't traumatic.
The recurring nightmares and flash back type experiences are definitely signs that it was traumatic and may be causing some post traumatic stress. Have you seen a psychologist? I feel like this would really help as they can firstly affirm your feelings and help with coping strategies for these feelings and prevent them from getting worse.
You are so strong and I am so glad you are physically okay. Please take care of yourself and reachout if you need anything. Let your family know how you are feeling and if its not too traumatic maybe discussing what you remember and how it made you feel with them could be helpful too.
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. First and foremost I am so glad and thankful to hear that you are in good health and feel so physically. I also want you to know that your experience is definitely classified as trauma as you experienced a threat to your life. I hear that while you know that you are well, you are experiencing paranoia, repeatedly experiencing a nightmare closely related to this incident, and you are also reliving the moment in your head as you were conscious and mentally aware of what was happening to you. I am curious as to what that experience must have been like for you, to have full consciousness and yet not have control of your body, and to hear your parents distraught? Things have been incredibly difficult for you since this confronting situation.
I hear and see you, this experience sounds very scary, please be gentle and patient with yourself as you begin healing mentally. I am also hearing that while people are showing concern for your health, they seem to not believe your true experience and seemingly exaggerate the effects of your stroke. I am wondering if the way people are responding to this instance is making you further question your health? Let me know if this is incorrect.
Your feelings are valid and the community is here to support you through this time as you navigate such an overwhelming experience. I am wondering how you have been managing these difficult feelings recently? Looking forward to hearing from you 🤗💜
Hi @Orchid_Octopus 
Welcome to ReachOut 🙂
I honestly completely understand the feeling of others taking things a bit out of proportion, but I can also see how they might also be overly cautious because they may not know exactly what to do. I'm chronically Ill, and I have these episodes of fainting and sometimes seizures and tics all the time, and most people don't know how to react when it happens.It can be so tough when you say you're okay, but no one really believe you, and I just want you to know you aren't alone!
I'm so sorry you're having this nightmare constantly, while it's not something I fully relate to, I know they're especially difficult when you're constantly reliving these things through them. Is there anything that helps you feel a little less scared when it happens, or even something to try take your mind off it afterwards?
I wish I could help more in this area, but I do hope you can find ways to cope 💕
I know you may not think it's "classed" as trauma, but I think it does honestly. A stroke can be traumatic for anyone mentally, which causes all of these little feelings that turn into big ones, and that's what makes it a traumatic event. While you may not have had much damage physically, it certainly does take a toll mentally and emotionally. I understand the feeling though, I struggle with it all the time as well. It's like "I'm not as sick as the others, if at all, so I must be overreacting", and that's why we feel so overly sensitive. It's completely normal though, so if you ever need/want to talk about it then I'm always here. 🙂
That last point sounds like it's particularly weighing on your mind. It must've been very scary for you and your parents, I'm sorry you had to go through that 😞
Have you been able to do anything that maybe could take your mind off the whole situation? I'm always happy to come and chat, or even be up for a distraction or give suggestions.
Sending love your way!💗
Hey @Orchid_Octopus,
I’d like to start off by welcoming you to ReachOut! I also want to thank you for being courageous and sharing what you’re going through with the community. I can hear that you have suffered a stroke needing emergency brain surgery. This would have been so scary for you and your family. You have done an amazing job reaching out for support after going through such a traumatic experience. It can be so difficult for young people to seek support after experiencing trauma which is completely understandable, so you should be really proud of yourself!
I also want you to know that experiencing nightmares and replaying the event can be normal and is a part of your body's natural response to flight or fight. Although It can be really scary and isolating, you are absolutely not alone and not at all overreacting. Experiencing nightmares and flashbacks can also be confronting and overwhelming, so I am wondering how you take care of yourself after having a nightmare or flashback?
I can hear that you don’t have anyone else to speak to. I am wondering if you have spoken to your parents about your nightmares and paranoia? It might also be helpful to seek support from your friends around this, so I am also curious to know if you can speak to your friends about what you are going through? You might also be interested in this article on experiencing trauma that includes tips on how to cope that you might find useful. Another resource that you could find helpful is this post on trauma 101, that also includes a video explaining trauma and other digital supports you can connect with.
After experiencing something traumatic, It can be super helpful to speak to a professional to manage these nightmares and feelings that come up for you. I am interested to know if you are seeing a professional like a GP or a psychologist for support? In case you are also interested in additional support, I encourage you to connect with Kids Helpline who are a free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25.
I hope this is helpful for you and look forward to hearing from you soon!
Hi, thanks for the check up!
And your first question about how I deal with my nightmares? I would normally wake up and normally start sobbing, and when I'm done, I would just push it to the back of my mind and try to ignore it. Throughout the day I would remember what happened in it and get an overwhelming swell of emotions, but I would blast music into my headphones or scroll in social media to ignore it.
I have mentioned my dreams to my parents briefly, but it was also a scary experience for them to go through watching it, so I only told them once. They just said that it's ok and it was only a dream.
I've thought about telling my friends about my paranoia and intense feelings, but I don't want to make my whole personality about my stroke and get any unnecessary attention on it. I also don't want to risk them feeling concerned because I don't want them to feel like they have to be careful or whatever around me.
I might be seeing the school counsellor for a therapy session, but from other friends experience, they found that they would tell their parents about what is said in the conversations, which makes me suspicious of them.
But yeah! That's allll xx
Hey @Orchid_Octopus I just wanted to chime in here after seeing your response. It sounds like you have been experiencing a lot of difficult feelings after your stroke and are trying to manage as best as you can. You should be really proud of your strength and resilience over the past few weeks.
I can see that the nightmares have been really difficult for you as you've been waking up sobbing and need to try to push them out of your mind. Music can be a great form of self-care to distract ourselves and ride out the feelings so I'm glad it has been helpful for you. I was wondering if you'd considered any other mindful or grounding activities which could help? Things like guided meditations, relaxation techniques and physical grounding exercises can be useful here and might help when the emotions are at their highest, such as when you first wake up.
I also noticed that you have some mixed feelings about sharing how you've been managing with people like family, friends and your school counsellor. I wanted to mention that you can seek support from lots of places to help with this! For example, we have an article on our website on how to get your parents to really listen to you which discusses how to have meaningful conversations with your parents in a good setting. It might also help give you some ideas on how you can express to your friends what is troubling you and what you might need (or not need) from them to support you.
I also wanted to touch on your concerns about telling your school counsellor how you're feeling and share our resource on healthcare and confidentiality. A counsellor usually doesn't disclose information unless they think you're at risk of harm or in danger, but I wonder if it could be helpful to talk to them about what is confidential and what would be shared with your parents in the first session. Based on that conversation, you could make a decision about what parts of your story and concerns you want to share with them.
I hope this helps a little! 😊