Negative self talk
Hi all,
I am really having trouble combatting my self talk. I am seeing a psychologist who has helped me successfully address quite a few other issues. However, my negative self talk seems to be very difficult to change.
I have depression and anxiety. My anxiety has become much milder over the past few months but the depression is as strong as ever. My core issue is my self esteem: I am worthless, I feel like I am not wanted at all, never taken seriously, not contributing anything to society. Apparently one of the key things is to change my self talk.
I have tried strategies from my psychologist as well as some on this site, but I just seem to be overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, repeating insults at myself etc. I can't seem to stop this. I was wondering if anyone had advice on how I may be able to overcome this; any advice would be much appreciated.
-alien4
I often feel like my family don't take me or the illnesses seriously. They know I have it but don't really understand. The other day I was told I "have to smile every so often" but I smile when I feel happy or amused, I don't want to be fake.
My brother is constantly making jokes at my expense. It's slowly wearing away at me, I'm sick of the things like "Hey alien4, you're shit" then "just kidding". For no reason other than his own amusement. I know I'm shit you don't have to keep telling me ;_;
Wow, @alien4, that is seriously tough. I am so sorry you are not getting a lot of understanding and compassion from your family. It must be very hard for you and I commend your strength, which you clearly have, for coping as long as you have.
Well done for working with a psychologist to address some of the issues you've been facing – and hooray your hard work has been successful! That is so awesome. 
I hope you have these accomplishments recorded somewhere so you can go back and read what you have achived.
I'm glad to hear you got something out of the Negatives to Positives thread. It's nice to change our thinking when it gets a bit circular and focusing on one small thing at a time is a great way to start practising. You might also be interested in RO's article on low self-esteem. Take a look and let us know what you think.
One of the other cool ways you can practise changing your thinking is to work out what your strengths are. I'd love to learn more about you too so is there something you do in your spare time? Or something excellent that you do every day? You seem very eloquent, self-aware, and have a proactive approach to improving your health. What do you think – what are your strengths?
Hey @Kit and @RecoveryandHope, thank you for the responses.
My brother knows of the things I'm going through, I've been trying to stress that I react quite badly to those kinds of comments but nothing has changed so far. I think that with my family in general I'll be OK; often I am very quiet, and sometimes they think something is wrong when I am fine 🙂
I had a bit of a confidence boost today, I set my profile picture on Facebook to myself for the first time and I'm getting a lot of likes and comments, it's really nice as I am insecure about my appearance. I think that some of the things in the self esteem factsheet may be of use; got to make sure I weigh up the positives.
As for strengths, I'd say I have quite a few but I have a tendency to dwell on the negatives. I guess I am good at singing and playing piano. People seem to really enjoy listening and I really enjoy making the music, it's a nice balance.
And again, thank you for your responses.
-alien4
Hey @alien4, thanks for keeping us updated on how you're doing. I was really happy to read you had a confidence boost today and that you found some of that fact sheet helpful
I've always wished I could play the piano! How long have you been playing for? It's amazing the feeling you get when you play music, hey. I played in 2 bands for about 6 years and miss it so much.
Hey @alien4
It sounds like you've been trying really hard to address your issues with your psychologist, it is admirable that you have stuck with it and found a way to overcome many of them. That sounds like a pretty good example of you being the opposite of worthless.
I have had some experience with negative thoughts myself, in fact for a part of my life they were the only thoughts I had. Changing that narrative inside my head was the toughest thing i have ever done, it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed.
I absolutely admire anyone who is willing to challenge their negative thoughts. To share a bit of my experience, one of the things that really helped me was giving myself examples that i wasn't worthless or whatever the negative self talk of the day was... whenever i could i would set myself a goal to challenge my comfort zone, and I would reward myself when i managed to push myself with positive self talk, "I am capable", "i didn't know I could do that", "I am good at helping others". To begin this was literally just opening the door and leaving the house at least once a day, Eventually i made it around the corner from my house where i started volunteering at an aged care place, and i just kept going from there.
Positive self talk really does work, but it is different for everyone, and it will be individual to you how you go about changing your thoughts. Keep talking to your psychologist, read as much as you can, surround yourself with positive people and keep pushing yourself. I believe you can do it. 🙂
Thank you @lokifish and @RecoveryandHope, it is nice to have someone to help .
I did have a look at the fact sheet, however I feel that I might not be able to use those particular strategies (I am stilll convinced that the negativity is true after). I had a look at those threads as well, the "turning negatives into positives" thread was good.
I think that it is a really good idea to try and implement the positive self talk after an achievement, pushing oneself out of their comfort zone etc. I have told a couple of my close friends how I feel about myself, all of them said "that isn't true". A good start I guess?
Hey @alien4, welcome to RO 🙂
Negative self talk can be really tough to deal with. It seems like you have a lot of self-awareness into your thought patterns though and have managed to make some great improvements in your life. Can I ask if your psychologist aware of the difficulty you're having addressing these thoughts? It sounds like they've been really helpful with your other issues so they may be able to help with this one. However sometimes one person doesn't hold all the answers and if you're not finding that your current psychologist is helping it's totally okay to find someone else.
If you haven't seen it already, there's a fact sheet here which has some strategies for challenging negative self-talk. You might also want to pop over to the Turning Negatives Into Positives thread which is great for reframing unhelpful thoughts. Personally I like the Three positives of today thread too. Do any of those seem like they might be useful for you?
Take care,
Loki 🙂
