Negative self talk
Hi all,
I am really having trouble combatting my self talk. I am seeing a psychologist who has helped me successfully address quite a few other issues. However, my negative self talk seems to be very difficult to change.
I have depression and anxiety. My anxiety has become much milder over the past few months but the depression is as strong as ever. My core issue is my self esteem: I am worthless, I feel like I am not wanted at all, never taken seriously, not contributing anything to society. Apparently one of the key things is to change my self talk.
I have tried strategies from my psychologist as well as some on this site, but I just seem to be overwhelmed by feelings of worthlessness, repeating insults at myself etc. I can't seem to stop this. I was wondering if anyone had advice on how I may be able to overcome this; any advice would be much appreciated.
-alien4
Sorry to hear your brother is not willing to change, I hope he comes around eventually but maybe he has some growing up to do before he can realise what effect he is having on you.
I can relate personally with being too quiet for people, at school I used to have people constantly asking me what's wrong and I would have to tell them, "this is just how I am", even at work now I get the same thing and it is kind of a pain having to tell people you're fine. Eventually they should start getting the idea that it's just the way you are and give you more space. Is it good to know at least that they would be there for you if you actually weren't ok?
That is so good to hear you got a positive response from putting up a profile pic of yourself, I think that's a great way to build your self esteem and a brave thing to do if you are feeling insecure about your appearance. Yea it's so easy to forget the positive, you have to really make an effort to push them into your brain to balance the negatives out.
As someone who cannot sing or play an instrument, being able to do anything like that is a definite strength and talent, especially if people are staying around and enjoying it and you also get something out of doing it, what a wonderful feeling that must be.
It sounds like you are trying really hard @alien4 keep letting us know how it is going.
Hi again,
Sorry I haven't been here in a bit, school has been heavy lately.
I have kind of found that beneath it all, I feel like I deserve everything I get. That is why I have self-harmed, as a punishment for being a screw-up. It's also why I find it so hard to combat that little voice telling me I'm worthless. I had a bit of progress before the restarting of school, but I am really struggling at the moment. I feel so tired all the time, I feel so horrible. Had a lunch time detention today. I can't keep up with school.
It's getting to be too much. I can't cope.
-alien4
Hey @alien4, sorry to hear things haven't been going so great lately, what do you think has changed?
Can you remember when you were doing well and what strategies you were using to stay positive? Do you have any coping strategies that work for you, or maybe you can try some new ones?
Have you got anyone to talk to, a close friend perhaps? If it's all getting a bit too hard, don't be afraid to use the services available to you like Lifeline and eheadspace, they are open 24/7 and are a great resource.
Hey @Zekk, thanks for the reply,
I think it has been the onset of the new school term that has caused this stress. Everything moves too fast, I fall behind. This puts more pressure on my mental state as I keep trying so hard and failing.
I also had a realisation around a week ago that I may have been abused as a child. I had been suppressing most of my childhood memories, as I was bullied and generally not happy. I do remember it being bad at home as well as school, and school was pretty bad. When someone goes to touch me on the shoulder or something I would flinch away from them even though it might have been a friend, brother etc. I can also remember a couple of incidents where I was harmed physically, I am not sure if there were other ones that have been blocked out.
I have been told that I am just irritating, not worth people's time, for so long that now when people are disagreeing I can't seem to accept it.
I feel so messed up.
Hey @alien4, sorry to hear you haven't been doing too well lately. I'm concerned that you think you might have been abused in the past. Have you brought this up with your psychologist? They will be equipped to help work through those memories in a safe way.
How are you going with your mindfulness and positive thinking? Do you want to practice a few exercises to see if it helps?
Hi @ElleBelle,
I haven't had an appointment with my psychologist since before I realised this might have happened. I'm not doing so well in general, I'm thinking I might call them to book a sooner appointment (next one is in a month, because I was doing well in the holidays I guess).
I am afraid my mindfulness and positive thinking are not going well at all. I am feeling negative things a lot of the time now, I'm not sure how to stop.
-alien4
Making an earlier appointment sounds like a smart idea @alien4. If you need to talk to a professional between now and your next appointment, you can also use some of the support services listed in our #nextstep resource.
Do you want to have a crack at the Turning Negatives into Postives thread? That's a good way to ease back into it.
Hi @ElleBelle,
I had a go in my head with the negatives into positives. I managed to find positives in things happening eg. Friend is not messaging me into Friend is studying and will get great marks on the exams. However, when I try anything for me I just feel overwhelmed with the negative idk what to do ;_;
example: I didn't do any homework on the weekend maybe turned into I enjoyed myself? But not really because I had massive anxiety and still couldn't do it, I'm just lazy I sat around being nervous almost going into a panic, hating myself intensely but I still couldn't snap out of it. I'm so stupid. Any enjoyment on the weekend will be overridden by the negative things happening in the school week. There's no way to win.
Sorry about the rant. It's just that I can't find positives in that. I don't learn from it because I'm stuck in that same panicked, self-destructive stupor every time I have work to do at home.
Again, sorry,
-alien4
Our brains are good at repeating things they're already familiar with, right now your brain is used to negative self-talk and learning to turn negatives into positives is a brand spanking new concept!
It's kind of like learning how to ride a bike, you'll be a bit wobbly, but the more you try it, the better you'll get at it. Eventually your brain will be used to seeing positives and the overwhelming negative feels will be something that it forgets how to do.
So i would challenge you to have a go at negs into pos at least once a day. How do you feel about having a go at that?
Hey @Ben-RO,
It is difficult to change but I am slowly getting better with interpersonal stuff and putting things into context. It's like slowly wading up a river, tough but if I try hard enough I can. But with my own feelings about myself I try to get one word in, then it's an overwhelming "stop lying to yourself, you'll never amount to anything". I have tried and tried to apply the negative into positive kind of thing to my own self esteem, no success.
A negative into positive for something else I will try.
Negative: today I went to the sick bay because I was panicking.
Positive: one of my acquaintances was there and I have more in common with her than I thought.
It does sound like you're making progress and it does get easier with practice. Another thing that makes it easier is some good, skilled support. We're one kind of support, but there are others out there too. So if you're feeling like a bit of extra support, having a chat to a counsellor or a psychologist will be a huge help. They'll be pretty impressed if you start chatting to them and ask them for exercises you can do to help boost your self-esteem or challenge negative self-talk, they'll be like "waaaat you're learning about that already?"
Because you're starting to build up some pretty excellent skills!
Thanks @Ben-RO,
It's my birthday tomorrow. I'm not sure how to feel about it to be honest.
I will talk to my counsellor about it. See how it goes 🙂
This is difficult to type. I self injure sometimes, mainly because I deserve it (it's mainly after screwing up in some way). I know that it is an unhealthy habit but I feel that I deserve to be in pain 
-alien4
Hey happy birthday for tomorrow @alien4! I hope you get to eat lots of cake 🙂
I'm glad to hear you're going to talk to your counsellor about it. Do they know about your self harm too? Self harm is usually a coping strategy for dealing with frustration, although it's not a very healthy one. Your counsellor should be able to help you work on some safer coping methods for releasing that frustration, even if for now it's just distracting yourself by doing something else - going for a run, screaming into a pillow, scribbling on yourself with texta.
I hope to see you over on the Turning Negatives Into Positives thread!
Hey @ElleBelle,
I have a maths test tomorrow 😞 but at least it'll be good during the afternoon.
My counsellor knows that I have self harmed before, I haven't mentioned that I have relapsed. I had a relapse (with depression also) about 2 weeks ago and I have been a wreck since. It is less as a release and more as a punishment. I deserve pain. That's how I feel 😞
Ah, it's cool that you already have a Counsellor, awesome :).
I hope your birthday today is really amazing and the Math's test isn't too tough!
Thank you for sharing so much with us over the last few days too, i know it's probs kinda tough to work through this stuff sometimes.
When you're ready I'd like you to tell me what sort of things you'd like to work on or grow skills in next. But for now, go find some cake and eat it! 🙂
I most enjoyed (and am enjoying) my new office chair that I got for my birthday, it's really comfortable 😄
I'm not sure what else to discuss right now, @Ben-RO.
Not too great, @Lahna. I can't seem to get past the idea that I'm worthless, I deserve this and I am unsalvageable. I have people all around me saying this isn't the case, but I still think it 😞
-alien4
It can take a little time to change those thoughts and feelings of self worth @alien4 and that's okay, you're on your way to learning more about how awesome you really are :). Are you able to give your supporters the benefit of the doubt for now while you keep building your skills up?
Happy birthday @alien4!!! 
How was your day? What did you enjoy about today (other than just knowing it was your birthday, of course!)?
I think that's a good attitude to have, smile for yourself, not for others. I guess people, especially family will be worried that you aren't happy enough for them in that case I think it can be good to have an honest convo with your parents about yourself and that sometimes you just don't want to smile and it's not the end of the world 🙂
Brothers and well all siblings can be such pains.. have you ever had a serious chat with your brother about what your going through? Do you think he might be willing to cut you some slack with the jokes if he understood?
I still couldn't really bring myself to fully believe it, but I guess because they have said those things I now consider it a faint possibility that I have worth.
I found the negative into positives thread helpful in that I could see there is a good side to a lot of the things that happen.
I also often feel like I am wasting my friends' time, even though they insist I am not I can't shake that feeling
Hey @alien4, it's great to see you are already getting some positives out of the other threads, and especially talking to your friends.
I know it might seem like you are wasting your friends time at first, but you just need to realise that they genuinely care for you, that's why they are sticking around and supporting you.
Are you close with family as well? Have you been able to speak to them about it all?
