Obsessed with Mother substitute??! Help!
Considering my biological mother has never been a large part of my life I find myself craving attention and love from some older women. Pretty much when I meet someone who fills the role of a caregiver (Mother) I become completely attached almost right away. These women are always pretty, successful, stylish and confident. Last year it happened with a teacher of mine but now that I am 18 and have finished school, I am in a more complicated situation. I have an obsession with someone else now: a lady who leads my Church's organisation where I live. After she gave me a hug at camp it really amped up my feelings and I feel a connection to her. (By feelings - i NO WAY mean sexual - it is purely maternal) I think it would be simply perfect for her to be my mother. But as this cannot happen, it really gets to me. Everyday. I am sure she holds all the life experience I so often feel I lack and it is always on my mind - I really admire her but in the past when this 'mother figure obsession's occurred with women, sometimes I want a relationship so intense that the other person will back off.
Please, I really don't know what to do now. If you could take your time and help me I would be extremely grateful. Thank you. Tayla
Comments
Some great advice already given. I also am motherless, but for a long time now. Yes, filling a void can be tricky. A book you might want to consider that I have on my bookshelf is "Motherless Daughters" by Hope Edelman. Just read the bits that you feel you can relate to.
Good luck
Hey @tayla
Im sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and that you are finding yourself in a complicated place at the moment.
I would like to acknowledge your insight and awareness of what you are experiencing - thats a very valueable skill to have.
Is there anyone you could talk to about this ( perhaps your small group at church ?) or a family member. The way you feel is quite common when you have lost a significant other and it can also be helped. What type of things do you do that makes you feel like you become "completely attatched". Maybe if you reflect on these things you could work on actively stopping them when you find yourself in those situations with those feelings.
Hi @tayla
Welcome to ReachOut.com! I can empathise with wanting some maternal attention, especially when your mum isn't a big part of your life so don't feel that you're alone. I think it's great that you're meeting so many strong women that you look up to and that their qualities are something that you aspire to have 
Having a mentor is awesome and it's helpful to have someone looking out for you that can give you advice along the way.
You can keep it casual and ask them out for coffee or lunch. Keeping it simple would make them more at ease and it would enable easy-going conversation. You could ask them for advice on an activity or homework or ask them what them about what thier career and take it from there. If you're feeling stuck, you can contact Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) or Lifeline (13 11 15) for more advice and support.
Take care and tell us how you go!
Hey thank you so much for replying!
That's good advice, thank you.
It's too late to ever build a relationship with my biological Mother now too as she passed away last year.
@tayla I'm so sorry to hear that 
Best of luck to finding a great mentor who can guide you with the ins and outs of this grand world we live in!
