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Overthinking from first heartbreak
Hi. My ex and I were together for three years, though we've known each other for five years. We were happy in our relationship but we lacked communications. What I meant by that, his mom would never allow us to date personally and I knew I was at fault for begging him to atleast give me time in person (because it seems like we're LDR even though we were just schoolmates). Then, we rarely bond because he had lots of things to do, always. So we had these break ups, I think it reached a hundred of break ups in those years.
Now that he truly broke up with me, with no communication and all, I feel so lost and confused. I'm also having nightmares and I couldn't help but overthink about him. I don't know what to do anymore. I knew I was at fault, it was all because of me. Now, I didn't know how to forgive myself. I didn't know how to be free from this bad heavy and painful feeling inside me. I missed him so much but last time I talked to him, he was dedicated to live his life without me. We were young, I know. But I couldn't really explain this feeling of my first heartbreak.
What should I do? What can I do to forget the pain and to forgive myself? Help me, I'm really really really lost.
Comments
Hi @Lavender_Pony I'm sorry you're having nightmares and feeling a lot of guilt about your relationship. From what you've said I really don't think it was all your fault, e.g. him being really busy and his mum not supporting you dating, and I don't think it's fair on you to take 100% of the blame/responsibility. That's completely understandable that you're feeling heartbroken though. Would you consider talking to a professional or any close friends or family about what is going on? As your friends and family know your relationship, they might be able to give another perspective that helps you come to terms and forgive yourself. Also have you considered things like journalling, exercising or doing things you love to help get those positive endorphins? I hope you're going better over the past couple of months ❤️
Hello! Thank you for your reply! Until now I'm still in the process of moving on but atleast I'm kind of moving forward unlike these past few months that I was lost. Maybe because life challenged me more that this life is not only about love, but also about family, friends, responsibilities, and such. It's not easy to move on, especially when he chatted me a week ago (but he made me feel how fine he was without me and it made me break down a bit). I also tried opening up to people I trust, but most of them were busy handling their own problems and others were only making fun at me (made me think that it's fine to keep things all by myself). Thus, I have decided to pray and trust God about the process of my life. 😊
Hi @Lavender_Pony - I know you posted this a little while ago but I wanted to come on here and check in to see how things are going. Break ups are incredibly difficult and can involve so many different emotions. The way you were feeling is so normal and valid. How are you feeling now that some time has passed?
You mentioned you were overthinking about him and the situation a lot which again, I think a lot of people can relate to (I, for one, definitely can!) and it can be really hard to switch that off. From my own experience, one technique that really helped me was writing a letter to my ex that I knew I was never going to send. It allowed me to get out everything I wanted to say and to release all of the feelings I was experiencing. Perhaps this could be a good outlet for you too, if this is a task you feel comfortable doing - I understand it isn't easy.
Sending love and kindness your way 🙂
Hello! Thank you for your reply! Until now I'm still in the process of moving on but atleast I'm kind of moving forward unlike these past few months that I was lost. Maybe because life challenged me more that this life is not only about love, but also about family, friends, responsibilities, and such. It's not easy to move on, especially when he chatted me a week ago (but he made me feel how fine he was without me and it made me break down a bit). I also tried opening up to people I trust, but most of them were busy handling their own problems and others were only making fun at me (made me think that it's fine to keep things all by myself). Thus, I have decided to pray and trust God about the process of my life. 😊
Right now, I would mostly feel empty. The things I used to love did not give me the same feeling as how it used to be. The excitement inside me was gone. However, I'm working on it by watching motivational videos and such in youtube.
Have a great day ahead of you ❤️
Aww @Lavender_Pony break ups and heart break is so hard.
I think it's really good that you are expressing how you feel and getting it off your chest. As painful as break ups are they are also a time to reflect. When I look back on my life I notice that each break up I've had has been an opportunity to grow into myself, make new friends, reconnect with old friends, try new things. It's challenging and uncomfortable but it does get easier as time ticks on.
It's hard to forgive yourself but it's not impossible. A good place to start is being really mindful to self-care, do nice things for yourself, spend time with loved ones. One thing I like to do after a break up is get some new clothes, try a new hair style or rearrange my living space - just some ideas.
Have you spoken to any friends or family about how you're feeling?
Hello! Thank you for replying to my post! I loved your ideas and I'm thinking of doing it in near future once covid is really gone. So far, I've been feeling so empty inside all the time. I couldn't do anything as I'd feel like I don't have energy to do so, I couldn't be happy with what I'm doing as I didn't feel excited anymore and such things likr I've lost my interest in everything.
Most of the time, people that I love would go to my house and ask me to go outside with them, and I was just like kept on rejecting them because of my mental health. I wanted to explain it to them, that I was sorry for being like this (because love was not the only problem that I have). But I guess they couldn't understand my situation, because I, myself, had no idea of what's happening to me.
So far, I'm watching motivational videos in youtube on how to improve in life, on how to stop overthinking, and how to let go of the past.
Sending hugs for your wonderful reply ❤️
The youtube videos sound like a great idea if you're finding them helpful @Lavender_Pony
We also have some nice self-care tips on our website that might be worth taking a look at if it interests you.
I'm really sorry that things are so hard for you and I really hope you're able to access some supports that will help you through this time. 💛