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TW. Advice or support or something please hlp
Hey all, this is really stressful for me to because I don’t like opening up or even asking for help but it’s getting to much..😔
Here’s a lol into what’s going on right now…
For the past 6 months I have been trying to fix my mental health issues and get it back on track before it got to bad… but recently I lost my bestfriend because of something I still don’t know… maybe it’s because I wasn’t good enough to keep a friendship or didn’t deserve them… it doesn’t matter… I’m used to it happening but since Tuesday I’ve been trying to fix my mental health and be strong but I keep having these really bad thoughts about hurting myself… Yesterday I asked my mum for help because it’s getting worse… I’m not happy anymore… when I’m awake I wanna be asleep… work used to be a distraction but it’s not helping anymore… all I think about is hurting myself and I know that’s a bad thing…
I haven’t slept longer then 20 minutes for the past 3 days… I have gone back to not eating much anymore and I feel like I’m just getting worse… I am safe at the moment but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.
It can be really hard to keep yourself distracted @Lost_lonely_kitten03 but it sounds like you are doing such an amazing job, despite how hard it has been. You should be really proud of yourself! What can you do for yourself tonight to remind you of just how well your doing?
Love can be really complicated and confusing, especially when you've opened yourself up to someone and you're not quite sure how they're feeling. I think that was so brave of you to talk to her about how you were feeling though. How did you feel after being able to share that with her?
Trying to decipher our own feelings can be extremely confusing in itself, so I just want to say that you're not expected to have all of the answers right away. In saying that, what your feeling is also valid and no matter what happens, we're all here to support you 💜
Hello!! Sorry I was at work😅
Im glad my nana is doing well too… I’m trying my hardest to stop thinking and overthinking things but sometimes it’s hard too…
Love sucks… before me and my friend were able to be friends outside of work… I told her about how I felt about her and she said that she thinks she likes me too but that was almost 1 month ago… I know she knows I like her because she can tell… everyone can… I’ve had crushes on friends before… but I can’t seem to get over this one… it’s confusing me because it’s just a crush… I think…
Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03 , so glad to hear that you've been doing some awesome self-care. Reading and a walk to the lake sounds really nice, it's amazing how calming nature can be😊 also glad to hear that your nana is doing well
You're so right - love can be really confusing and stressful sometimes! It can be really tough when you fall for a friend, because it's tricky to work out whether they feel the same way or if they're just being friendly. You said that your friend knows how you feel about her, is that something you two have talked about or is it just something you think she might have picked up on?
Hello!! Sorry I fell asleep before I could reply then I had work😅
Today was a good day… but after my bestfriend left it was hard… she is the only one that makes me smile these days..
Yes!!! I went for the walk and it helped so much.. I went and sat by the lake.
I usually listen to music and sing and dance… but today I’ve been reading.
I don’t really like taking showers that much.
I haven’t had really strong urges to sh… not for a few weeks now… that’s a plus right?
y little sister is so sweet and caring but unfortunately she’s highly disabled so it’s hard at times… I saw my nana for a few minutes today and she seems healthy and happy..
My bestfriend knows that I have feelings for her… everyone knows… I’ve loved people before but this time it seems different… I guess it’s because I know it’s bad and I’ll never get to be with her… I love being near her and her hugs.. she makes me the happiest I’ve ever been… I feel like she likes me too but I don’t know I’ve been wrong about it before… it’s so confusing… and stressful but I don’t want anyone else but her… love is complicated and confusing…
On a brighter note… my kitten turned one today and I saw him!!
Sorry it’s a bit to much about me being in love with my bestfriend…
On another note my bestfriend… the one I thought I was losing made me feel better tonight… she picked up that I was having a bad night and made me feel better by saying that she cares about me..
Life is just really sucky right now…
Hey @lost_lonely_kitten03
Thanks for the update. Firstly, Im super glad to hear youre safe at the moment and cleaned your room to help keep you safe. Have you been able to go for that walk you mention yet? Walking can be a great self care activity and be really soothing too. Even perhaps just a small walk around the block can be super helpful... What else do you normally do also to prevent from self harming? Sometimes I have a nice long warm shower.. I find the natural water really calming and soothing. Do you think you could do that also? If you do have strong urges to self harm, I would really encourage you to reach out to Kids Helpline which you may be aware of. They are an amazing immediate support to talk with on 1800 551 800.
Im really glad to hear that your nana and sister are okay as well. That must be a big relief. You must be looking forward to seeing your sister tomorrow - what do you plan to do together? Something nice I hope.
Im sorry about you feeling that you cant have feelings for your bestfriend. When you say her family dont like you talking to her, I cant imagine how difficult that is. If you could tell her you have feelings for her, what do you think she might say? What do you think would be the best thing that could happen if you told her.
Keep sharing. We are here with you.
Stay safe.
Hello!!
I will definitely check out that article..
Today has been a hard day but it has been manageable… I just put my music on and read a bit…
Its just hard when there is family issues at home
That's great that you had some nice family time with your mum and you get to see your bestie tomorrow! 😊
I'm really sorry to hear about your nana, losing someone can be really hard and grief can come and go in waves. We have this article that has some really great tips on things you can try when grief pops up for you.❤️
Hello!!
Sorry I got distracted by my book😹😹 then I was having some family time with my mum🥰
I am very close to her… you see she has a lot of disabilities and medical problems that I didn’t have a normal childhood… but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything else!!
I meant my alcohol sober streak… I made a promise to my bestfriend 7 months ago that I wouldn’t sh again… after she caught me doing it at work…
Things are really hard but I’m looking forward to seeing my bestfriend on Tuesday… I haven’t seen her for a while…
I’m in the middle of watching After, After we collided and After we Fall… they are my favourite movie of all time!!
I have never worked with her before because she works at the store I do a few shifts at… I didn’t know how to tell her to stop because I didn’t wanna be rude… not to mention that she thought my flirting with her meant I liked it… but the truth is I am a natural flirt..😅
I am low key missing my late nana but I know she is looking over me from heaven… it’s just hard without her… and knowing that my nana’s dog is about to die too hurts…
Anywho… Imma go to sleep now cause I’m going to see my little sister tomorrow!!
Awww, I am really sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds like you are really close with her so it makes sense that you are missing her and hurting right now. It is good that you have been able to keep yourself distracted, even though things are hard.
Great to hear that you are in a safe place and have been clean for 7 months and have some strategies and supports to keep you going. You mentioned that you will be breaking your sober streak in December. Is there something happening in December? You don't have to break your sober streak just because you are 20 It sounds like you are doing a great job to be clean for so long!
It is so nice to relax by reading and watching TV - I hope you have a really great night. So happy that you have something to look forward to like seeing your bestfriend!
You mentioned that the person hitting you was making you feel uncomfortable. Is this something they usually do? Have you been able to share how you feel about it with them?
Hello!!
She is always in and out of hospital but it never gets easier seeing her sick and in that place…
I’ve been having a hard time with dealing with it… not having her at home every night… not seeing see her… it’s hurting but I have managed to keep myself distracted…
It was so nerve wrecking but I feel more comfortable with making TikTok’s outside now😅😅 but I might stay away from the dancing ones cuz I don’t know how to dance😹
She was only hitting me because she saw yellow cars… but it was every 5 minutes and it was making me uncomfortable because I’m not someone who likes violence..
Its been hard trying to distract myself from them but I’ve managed… barely… if it wasn’t for a promise I made with someone a few months ago I don’t think I would be 7 months clean…
Yeah!! Watching Friends and reading definitely helped!!
I haven’t really had a chance to overthink today but then again I haven’t really done anything but read my book… Tonight I’m going to be reading and watching a movie!!
I am still in a safe-place room… so I can’t hurt myself in there…
I will definitely read those!!!
And I know kidshelpline is there… I just don’t think I’m at that point yet…
I brought myself some clothes offline last night to celebrate that I didn’t drink anything!!
I don’t feel like I am doing a great job tho… each day it’s getting harder to get out of bed… but I manage…
All I can say is that I can’t wait until Tuesday… I get to see my bestfriend and get a hug from her that I desperately need right now…
Then in December I know I will be breaking my sober streak but I’m 20… so I can break it right??
Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03, it's always so lovely hearing from you! I'm sorry to hear about your sister, that sounds like a really challenging and difficult situation. How have you been feeling about everything that's been going on?
While being in hospital is never a fun experience, it sounds like you made the most out of a difficult situation by creating some Tik Tok's! Well done for trying something new and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone!
You also mentioned that you worked with someone yesterday who was hitting you, I was just wondering if you felt comfortable sharing more about this and why they might have been hitting you?
I'm really sorry to hear that you have been experiencing sh thoughts but I want to say well done on trying to distract yourself! Did watching Friends and reading help to distract you at all? Thank you for letting us know that you're safe though, we really appreciate it.
If you are up for some reading, I found a couple of articles that might be worth having a read of. How to cope when things feel out of your control is a great one as it suggests activities that you can do to distract yourself when things are really hard. Here is another great one on Self-Care strategies when feeling the urge to SH. Do you think these might be able to help at all?
I also want to remind you that you're not alone and KidsHelpline is always avaialble if you would like someone to talk to.
It sounds like you were put in a really tough situation tonight when your brother had an alcoholic drink. I want to say well done on resisiting the urge to pour yourself a glass! I think that shows just how strong you are and how far you have already come. You deserve to feel proud of yourself! Is there something nice you can do tonight to treat yourself?
I just want to say that you are doing such a great job @Lost_lonely_kitten03, despite everything that's been going on.
We're all here for you 💜
Hello!!
I am so sorry!!! I was seeing my nan and my sister today then I made a few tik toks at the hospital😅 I went out of my comfort zone and made dance ones☺️
It was good to see them tho.. but it hurt when I had to leave…🥲
Then when I got home it started raining and thundering and my puppies were scared so I was looking after them…
Now I’ve been watching Friends and reading After… trying to distract myself from everything that’s going on in my head right now…
I don’t know how to explain what is going on.. although I know that I am missing 2 people who seem so much happier without me… but that’s okay because I will continue to love them from a distance… no one ever knows what the future holds right?
And I am safe but it’s getting harder not to act on the thoughts… especially when I’m not working or with my work best friend… It was really bad yesterday tho… the person I was working with kept hitting me and I kept letting her because it was numbing everything else… I know I know I shouldn’t be letting people do that but it’s a coping mechanism…
However I am proud to say that tonight’s my brother had an alcoholic drink and I was tempted to pour a glass of it but I didn’t!!!
It sounds like you have had a lot going on and have been very busy! I am really sorry to hear about your sister going into hospital. I hope she is doing ok and that you have a nice time visting your sister and nanny today Sometimes seeing their faces in person can help a lot.
You mentioned that you have been struggling with SH thoughts. Thank you for letting us know. It must be so tough to deal with that on top of everything else that you've got going on. How have you been able to manage them?
Hello.. Sorry for not replying and being away for a while… a lot has happened in my life recently and I’ve been trying to come to terms with it..
Just to keep you all updated… I have been struggling with sh thoughts but I haven’t followed thru with it… which is good…
I have been working non-stop for a while…
My little sister ended up in the hospital a few days ago and she’s really sick…
I get to see my sister today tho and I get to see my nanny🥰
Its coming up to 2 years since I lost my other nan… so I’m struggling with that too…
I'm sorry that you're struggling at the moment and feeling shaken and upset. Things sound really hard. It is great that you have such a close relationship with your Mum! She sounds really supportive and kind 🥰
Your puppy sounds so sweet and cuddly. It's nice to have company when you aren't feeling so good. I am really happy to hear that she helps calm you down! Sounds like you have a fabulous support network
Hello… I didn’t see that you had replied and I was trying to sleep but I had a really bad nightmare just now and it’s really shaken me but I will be okay.. I think..
I am proud to be myself but right now I’m struggling to..
My mum is my best friend and I’ve never really came across anyone else who is close with their mum before😅
I was really upset and I didn’t know how to cope… so unfortunately I nearly relapsed but I didn’t because I cuddled my mum and kitten… I don’t have him anymore tho😓
When I’m feeling clingy I kinda end up hugging them a lot and texting to much… I spam text them and it doesn’t end well.
Its happened almost all of my friendships sadly…
Honey is my favourite cuddle buddy… she is perfect and very special to me🥰 at the moment I am cuddling her to try and calm down from my nightmare and it’s helping🥰
She gives me so many cuddles and gets mad if I don’t cuddle her… I have never had to force cuddles because she loves cuddles hehe🥰
I am so glad to hear that you're feeling so confident and proud to be yourself @Lost_lonely_kitten03 that is just so lovely to hear after everything you have been through lately!
It sounds like you and your mum have such a close and supportive relationship. Like you, I am also very close to my mum so I can definitely relate to what you have said, though I also know how awful it can be when others think its weird.
Hearing what your friends mum said and did sounds really horrible though. How do you respond to something like that? It would have been so awful being told that you weren't able to be her friend anymore. I am wondering though, if you would feel comfortable sharing a bit more about what happens when your feeling clingy? You mentioned feeling 'extrmely clingy', is this something that happens often or is it new to you?
Oh Honey sounds so cute! 😍 It sounds like she would be such great company to have around. Does she give you many cuddles? My pets have never been very cuddly, so I've always had to force cuddles 🙈
Good morning!!
I feel like I am myself in the new clothes.. I feel confident and proud to be me🥰
Last night was a bit of a struggle to get to sleep but eventually I did get to sleep.. I didn’t sleep well tho😖
I love my mum… most people think it’s really weird that I do at the age of 20 but she’s my only true friend these days and she has never given up on me… even when I told her that I liked girls and she’ll never have grandkids from me…
I know why my friends mum said we can’t be friends… it’s because I got extremely clingy and she didn’t like it so she put a stop to it but I still see her at work so I know that she still is my friend
My puppy is 7 weeks old so she’s a baby hehe. Her name is honey because she looks like honey🥰 she’s a Miniature Poodle cross Maltese. And I love all animals!!! But my favourite breed is an Australian Shepherd🥰
Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03 I'm so glad to hear that these new clothes and jeans are helping you feel more like yourself. After everything you have been through, you deserve to feel good about yourself 💜
It is so great to hear that you have been getting some good sleep too. I know how hard that has been so I just want to say well done! It can be really hard finding strategies that work for you so you should be really proud.
I also want to say that it is so lovely to hear that you have such great support from your mum. It must be such a relief to have her by your side through all of this. I am sorry to hear about your friend though, it would have been so hard hearing her mum say that you couldn’t be friends. Did she ever explain to you why this was the case? I am glad to hear that you have her support now though, even if it is just at work. Do you think there might be a possibility of being friends outside of work one day?
Your puppy sounds so cute @Lost_lonely_kitten03! It sounds like they have brought you so much comfort and joy. You may have mentioned it earlier, but what breed is it? I love puppies (and dogs in general)! 😍
It was a great day out!! I absolutely love my new jeans and clothes🥰 they make me feel more like myself🥰
My mum is very supportive of me being apart of the lgbtq+ community🥰 she has been my biggest supporter🥰
I have been and I’ve been thinking that distraction of a night time has helped me a lot to get sleep.. and yes she is!!! She is very cuddly and I love her cuddles… she’s only a baby tho so she has to stay inside🥺
It was hard to see my friend that I’m not supposed to be friends with the first time when her mum said she couldn’t be my friend but it’s gotten easier and to know that she is still my friend at work helps me a lot🥰
I love having puppy time🥰 it’s fun to cuddle them and play with them and see them grow🥰
It was a surprise to be honest because it had been 5 months since we stopped talking and she knows I’m scared about it but she keeps promising me that it won’t happen again but so many people have broken their promises to me that I don’t believe in them anymore…
I’ll definitely look at them all when I have the chance. I’ve been looking at cute wallpapers for my phone this afternoon🥰🥰
Sounds like you had a great day shopping @Lost_lonely_kitten03!
You're mum is so right! It's so special that you have such an amazing relationship with her and can talk to her about these things. She sounds really supportive which must be so comforting for you.
I'm so happy to hear that you've been sleeping so well! It sounds like you've found some strategies that have been really helpful. Your puppy sounds so cuddly, does she sleep inside?
It can be upsetting seeing people who you aren't friends with anymore but it's good that you have been focusing on work, family and most importantly .... puppy time!!! 🤗
That's good that she reached out, it sounds like a lovely opportunity for you to reconnect. Do you think that she might've also felt the same way? It is understandable that you're worried that she might leave you again, do you think you could speak to her about these feelings?
I know that I just shared a lot of articles with you about gender and sexuality, but I thought I'd still share some articles about friendship and communicating in case you wanted to have a look over. There's also one about changing friendships that I also though was relevant.
Hello!!
I am happy to keep you guys updated when I have the chance to and remember to😅
I went shopping and brought myself some stuff that I absolutely love!! Especially the stuff with Winnie the Pooh bear becaus I love him so much!!😅
I can’t wait to hug my little baby🥰 she makes everything better🥰
It is very stressful at the moment with my gender and sexuality but I’ve been talking to my mum about it and she said the same thing about me not having to put a label on anything because it’s my life and I am the one in control. And I’ll definitely look at those articles when I get a chance.
I did read a little bit but then I got up and cuddled my puppy and she calmed me down to the point I nearly fell asleep with her laying on me😹
I’ve been sleeping really well lately apart from last night so I’m guessing the cuddling bears and reading before bed is helping.
I’m just trying to get thru the days without thinking to much and with work, family time and puppy time I have managed not to get into my thoughts as much but they are still there and they make it harder when I see someone I’m not friends with anymore.
However speaking of that… a ex friend of mine reached out to me today and it made me feel better because it was hurting not being her friend but I’m just so scared that she is going to leave me again… I’m scared that everyone is going to leave me… I’m working on that tho. Like I am with everything else..
I’ll keep an eye out for the email!!
Thank you for updating us. I’m so happy to hear that you’ve been keeping busy and staying distracted! It sounds like you’re really making the most out of your day off today. There’s nothing better than spending time with our pets, they always give the best cuddles and lots of love. 🤗
I know you mentioned that you’ve been questioning your gender and sexuality and I’m really sorry to hear that you were bullied because of this. Exploring your gender identity and sexuality can be a journey and can take time to figure out which is okay. It is important to remember that it can is different for everyone and it is okay to be unsure, there’s no pressure to have a definite label. I wanted to share some articles about sexuality and gender that I thought could be helpful to have a look at. There’s also a really great support service for LGBTQIA+ people called Qlife that have some more resources and you can speak to someone one on one if you’d like.
It sounds like you had a rough night sleeping and it must have been really scary to wake up from a nightmare. I know you’ve previously mentioned that reading before bed is helpful, were you able to read last night? It must have been hard for you to see that on your tik tok but I’m glad that you’re feeling better today.
I was wondering if there was something else that you could do to calm yourself down if you do wake up again during the night. I know you mentioned that reading helps and cuddling your bears, do you think this could be helpful if it happens again?
It sounds like you have been finding really positive ways to keep yourself distracted and busy which isn’t always easy, so you should be really proud of yourself! 😊
I also just wanted to let you know that we will be sending you an email so please keep your eye out.
Hello again!!
It has been a very difficult week so far… I’ve had a few bad days so I’ve been trying to stay distracted.
The one thing I hate the most is the fact that she wasn’t just a friend to me… I kinda got feelings for her and it became super awkward when I started talking to her that way.. then her sister found out and it was even more awkward…
For most of my life I’ve questioned my gender but I’ve been scared to say anything… I questioned my sexuality a lot when I was in school… I had boyfriends but it just didn’t feel right… so I told the guy I was dating that I think I was lesbian and he told everyone… that’s when the bullying started and it got pretty bad
I then went to therapy after I dropped out of school… my mental health was okay then but it’s been going downhill for about 2 years now…
I keep thinking I’m non-binary or a Demi-girl but I honestly don’t even know what they both mean… my twin brother is trans and he knew all his life that he was a boy but me? I don’t know what I am😕
I was supposed to work today but I got the day off so I’m going to go shopping and buy some stuff for myself and then I’m gonna go home and cuddle my 2 puppies!!
I was able to calm down by distracting myself from what was happening and I kept telling myself that she has the right to go and eat at the place I work. It just hurt because she acted like she didn’t know me… it was 6 months of friendship and it hurt but oh well life goes on.
I’m a bit sad because I don’t get to see my friend at all this week because of the school holiday but it’s okay because I get to see her next week which I’m looking forward to!!
Over then all that I’m feeling a bit better then I was this morning at 2:30am when I woke up from a nightmare… I went onto tik tok to calm down and my ex had messaged me and it triggered a panic attack because she’s dating someone who has threatened to hurt me but other then that I’m doing okayish today❤️