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TW: Anxiety
I’m not sure if I’m allowed to write all this but I’m gonna go for it. I’ve always suffered with mental illness recently though more than ever. My anxiety feels like it’s literally eating me alive im stressing majorly over new things that never bothered me much in the past, mainly my health and just fear of dying in all different ways. Considering the fact I don’t really enjoy living i shouldn’t be so worried yet it’s consuming my mind. I’m trying hard to cut down on smoking I haven’t touched my vape but I don’t know how to stop using weed to makes it hard but I am determined to stop every little puff has been freaking me out I am always convincing myself that a new thing is wrong with me health wise I can’t take it anymore. I have shut every friend I had out and can’t talk to anybody about it. I’m scared to tell professionals I’m just scared of everything the idea of breathing is scary to me. I am sorry for ranting But I’m basically just writing here hoping someone can tell me I’m not alone in this ❤️
Comments
Hi @Silver_Dragonfly, welcome to the forums, it’s really great to have you here sharing your story - it’s not an easy thing to do. It sounds like you’re going through a lot at the moment, and your worries around health and death seem to be really wearing you down. Sounds like it has been an emotionally draining ride. Have you found anything that helps to relieve those feelings of anxiety when they come up? We have some tips for managing anxiety here, if you’re interested.
You mentioned that you have been trying to manage your drug use. It sounds like you’re really determined to get things under control, and have already made some great steps towards your goal by managing your vape use. I am wondering whether you have anyone supporting you with this at the moment?
I know you mentioned that the thought of telling professionals is scary, and I can understand that it can be quite overwhelming and daunting to open up to a professional. I wonder if speaking to someone online or over the phone might be a more comfortable first step to take? Services such as CounsellingOnline (online chat) and the National Alcohol and Drug Hotline (phone) have free and confidential drug support available to help 24/7, if this is something you might be interested in.
I just wanted to let you know that we are really glad you reached out here. As tough as things are at the moment, you’re not alone - we are here.
currently not enjoying a lot other than smoking but I don't even enjoy that anymore the thoughts of death are very overwhelming I'm trying to find new interests because I know i will need them if I manage to quit. I don't have a lot of support yet but I haven't exactly asked for it that's probably something I should focus on I just don't feel like many people care to help me in the way I'm going to need I did mention to my mum that I think I might need professional help I just hope she takes me seriously I probably will look into the online or over the phone chats options you showed they sound nicer thank you it really is appreciated
It must be so hard to lose enjoyment in things that are usually helpful. Developing new interests sounds like a really good idea - what types of things would you try? Asking people for help can be really scary when you don't know what to expect. I don't blame you for feeling really worried and unsure. It is also okay to receive support from multiple people or services to have your needs meet. You mentioned that you've told your Mum you need some help. Well done on being able to do that! Do you think it would be help to tell her that you'd like to organise an appointment somewhere? You're also most welcome to use the online and phone services that Hannah mentioned too of course ❤️ You deserve support and care.
I also just wanted to check, when you say thoughts of death, does that mean a fear of dying generally? Or are you having thoughts of suicide or self harm?
I want to focus on getting my license and a job I'm hoping they will be enough to keep my mind focused, I will try talking to mum about making an appointment to and when it come to the death thoughts it's a fear of dying i can tell my body needs a break from the smoking and just the stress I put my self in, I never worried much in the past about all the health risks that come with smoking especially the large amounts I have but recently it's overwhelmed me I know I want to stop but getting the strength to really give it away is scary.
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They sound like some really great things to focus on! 👏 Do you know what kind of job you would like to do?
Fantastic to hear that you're keen to talk to your mum about making an appointment too. I know things have been feeling overwhelming for you recently, but I wanted to say well done for still reaching out for help and looking to the future. It's a testiment to how resilient you are. Definitely something to feel proud of 😊