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TW: Chat - Vent
Hey,
I've had a session with my psych today. It was definitely interesting, but it was not what I thought we were going to discuss.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist at 4 pm.
Fun day of appointments lol. I planted a rhubarb crown and some strawberry seeds before I left, so I look forward to them growing soon.
I'm not feeling that great. Would anyone be around for a chat?
I'm safe after the appointment, so I will go home and cook dinner. I'm not sure what to cook yet.
I'll call KHL if necessary. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying or needy.
Omg all that food sounds amazinggg!! It sounds like you had a fantastic day for food 😂. Also an 8.30am lecture is actually so brutal so much respect.
Do you have many good food places on your campus? We have a food court across the road and my favourite thing to get is honey chicken with fried rice, it's actually so delicious and it's good value for money too, which is nice!
I had a pretty hectic day yesterday and today as well. I had a horrible headache for most of yesterday but thankfully it seems like I slept it off overnight. I saw a friend this morning and now I'm just fitting in a couple hours of study over lunch before I have to go to work in the evening!
How did your psych appt go yesterday?
Hi,
I hope you're having a good weekend?
What have you been up to?
Hi,
Nice to hear from you.
I'm sorry you are not feeling great.
What have you been up to?
I'm not feeling great either so we can sit in it together.
lol
Yeah I'm fine ig
Not like great
Js fine
No worries, It was nice chatting! Goodnight, have a good sleep 🌛.
Okay, cool, will do.
Yeah, it's good. Ah, okay, that makes sense. I hope your stress is manageable and doesn't overwhelm you.
Yeah, any longer would have been annoying.
That's good what time do you start? I should go for a walk as well. Only time would be before my class at 9:30 so not sure I want to do that haha.
I think I'm going to head to bed now. I've taken my meds and am getting sleepy. i really do appreciate chatting with you today/tonight.
Yes! Keep me updated re how your lab goes tomorrow!
That's true, I definitely find that i'm particularly emotional when I've got lots of things going on. It gets much more difficult to distinguish which emotions are related to which life events too, which I think makes a lot of sense.
That's awesome that you're good with time-management, admin etc. It's definitely such an important thing for uni. I'm not too bad generally! - I do tend to stress about getting things done which definitely helps me to stay on top of things. I think that because I tend to stress about getting things done I can feel like i'm super disorganised when I'm actually doing ok. I definitely get less organised as the semester goes on though haha. I don't know if that makes any sense at all 😂.
That's nice that you've got a break in the middle tomorrow! I always find if I have too many back to back that I start to get super fatigued and do not pay attention at at all. I feel like a 2 hour break is the sweet spot too, like it's a good block of time to get lunch and reset but not too long.
I'm working tomorrow arvo so i'll probably try to do a bit of study in the morning and maybe go for a walk if i can!
Haha, yeah, sorry. I can explain tomorrow once I've done it if you like.
Yes, it's not that good. Yeah, that's okay. It could be that or maybe a mountain of things on top of each other, but who knows?
That's annoying. I have one unit that has deadlines at the end of the semester as well. I'm okay with time management stuff. I am known for good administration skills etc. Do you find it hard? No judgment. I was curious you mentioned before that you weren't sure how long it would last.
I have two one-hour classes, one at 9:30 and one at 10:30 am, so I will have a two-hour break for some lunch and study.
What about yourself.
Oh your lab sounds super interesting! Ngl you've just used a bunch of sciency words there that I don't understand haha.
That sucks that you're feeling a bit teary tonight. I know that it can feel pretty rough when it gets like that. No it's definitely not fun at all, sorry, that wasn't a good choice of wording before. Please try to take it easy on yourself tonight 💜. Sometimes there isn't really a reason for tears, or for feeling down, and that's ok, there doesn't have to be a reason. It's ok to cry, and feel upset, you're only human.
Yep all my deadlines seem to fall right at the end of semester so I'm super tempted to just leave it all til then but i'm consciously trying not to haha. The essay i'm planning is super boring - the essay itself is almost like a laying the groundwork bit for things due later. Obviously there's a good reason they're making us write it but i will say that it feels a little pointless right now haha.
What have you got going on tomorrow apart from your lab?
Yes, we are doing gel electrophoresis on E. coli plasmid DNA.
Yes, they are fun. Yeah, I'm a bit teary now. It sucks. I'm not sure it's that fun.
I honestly don't know why I'm so upset or something tonight.
Haha, yeah 2x speed. I just like being able to actually see people instead of staring at a screen.
That's a good idea. Do some of your classes not have due dates until the end of the semester.
What's your essay on?
It's nice. I need to work out how to do that as well. It never seems to work for me.
Thanks! I only just realised that you can actually choose from your own library rather than just the avatars so i thought i'd update it 😂.
Oh a lab sounds fun! I gather that you actually get to physically do stuff related to your degree which sounds nice!
Omg diamond paintings are so fun i forgot about those. I think I did one during lockdown. Sorry your not feeling great tonight. It's great that you're keeping yourself busy and distracted though, I feel like that can sometimes help. The fun thing about depression is that you never know quite when it's gonna hit you. Like sometimes there's a specific trigger and other times not so much. Glad you're safe, thanks for letting us know.
I prefer in-person too. All of my in-person lectures get published online so most people tend to just watch those on 2x speed to get them over and done with I think. I feel like I find it so much easier to do in-person though, there's too many distractions at home 😂.
Yep uni stuff, i'm trying to do self-imposed unofficial type mini-deadlines this semester so that I can actually stay on top of things (eg Ive decided that I need finish a certain essay plan tonight or tomorrow). So far so good, but we'll see how long this organisedness lasts haha.
It was on biochemistry; it was alright, just very dry, though I am looking forward to my four-hour lab tomorrow.
I am actually doing a diamond painting and watching The Rookie.
Yum, I like sausage rolls.
Oh yes, they are still here, ah. No, I have no clue how to play, and I don't think they would want me there.
I don't know why I'm so depressed tonight (or, well, most nights, but more now). I'm safe, by the way. I'll call KHL if I need to.
Oh yes, I do a mix of both. I definitely prefer in-person as much as my physics one is hard. I like how the lecture is practical, and I have to work things out, and there are questions we work on where my biochem is just the lady reading, so it's a bit boring.
Great, uni stuff?
Hope your online lecture was ok? Do you mostly do in person lectures or a mix of both?
Book and dinner sounds nice, I might do the same. What are you reading at the moment? Chicken and veggies sounds yum too! Ive just made a batch of homemade sausage rolls. I made heaps so i'll be able to eat them over a couple days and I'm so excited 😂.
I'm around! I'm just doing some stuff on my laptop atm.
Ugh that's not fun, I hate when there are people who I don't really know in my house and i just wanna chill. It feels really draining. Are they still there? Do you think if you asked to join that they'd be cool or not so much?
oh no I just relisede my roomates have some friend coming over and they aren't including me in their game. ahhh so annoying.
Thank you. Hahaha I honestly like it plus I need to get used to getting up early as I will be working at 6:30 in a few weeks time.
Yeah, it is. It can be so scary what he will think. Well, he can say something to comfort me, but he can think something totally different.
Mmm, not sure how proud I am, but I appreciate you saying that.
I just realised I have an online lecture now. The lecturer is waiting for people to join so I thought I would reply.
I will read my book and get dinner. I cooked chicken thighs and veggies yesterday.
That would have been so nice. It's been such a lovely warm day here at 17c.
What are you going to cook?
Will you be around at all tonight? If not all good. I was just wondering.
Glad your lecture went well! I still can't get over the fact that you have 8.30am lectures, my brain doesn't function that early in the morning 😂.
Glad to hear your psych appt went pretty well too. It's really great that you guys were able to chat a bit about how upsetting the appointment times changes etc were. You should be super proud of having that chat with him, I totally get what you mean about those types of awkard conversations being really anxiety inducing. It's sounds like you have a really great relationship with your psych.
I know you're not feeling too great at the moment, but it sounds like you did a really good job today of looking after yourself while dealing with some tricky stuff. You should feel really proud of that. It sounds like you've had a pretty busy day though, are you thinking of doing anything nice this evening to wind down and relax a little?
My day's been pretty boring, I went for a walk this morning which was nice because it was nice and sunny. Sunny but still cold 😂. Apart from that I've just been doing uni work from home today. I'll probably get onto cooking dinner soonish!
Hi,
Thank you for responding. That really means a lot.
He actually doesn't have many bookings taken in September just the time I wanted as I can't do other times very much. Yes change is so hard. Yes exactly it is/was very upseting due to that regularity.
I know they are all the same. Same as yesterday and today, you are in the middle of something, and then you have to finish because time is up. Yes, that as well. Ahh, I just don't know why it has to be like that with the time. I just think it's not like a friendship where you can talk for hours. It's just so hard. I could have kept talking yesterday and today, but oh well.
I had a physics lecture this morning, which was good. it was good to see my psych. We talked about how I laugh and smile when talking about painful things, what it means, and why I do it. It's a bit of a habit I've had for a long time. I was so anxious on the way to seeing him. I did some deep breathing with a meditation app that did help a little. I did eventually tell him how I felt about not seeing the appointment not available. We discussed what it meant to me and how I felt about him. He said if that does happen where it's not available, I can email him and see if we can work something out.
I'm just back at home and trying to work out what I should study. I'm feeling pretty flat still. I guess it's just on my mind the timing thing, and when it happened today, it sparked my attention. I don't know why I am worrying about it. I don't know why I'm getting so upset over it.
I hope your day has been better than mine. What are you up to?
I'm sorry to hear you're feeling all this at the moment, and are feeling pretty lonely. I'm thinking of you and sending lots of care your way.
Ugh that sucks that your psych has booked out so quick for September. I think it's really understandable that you're feeling shaken and upset about all this with booking the appointments. I really struggle with change a lot too, so I get what you mean. I think that routine and habits can be massively helpful with day to day regulation so it completely makes sense that not being able to have your regular session time would feel really upsetting. I also think it's really understandable that you feel pretty hurt about how support appointments are so restricted to a very limited time. I can imagine that this would be really upsetting, especially given that seeing a psych is a really vulnerable experience, where you put a lot of trust in your therapist.
I hope your day has been ok so far 💛. How did your lecture and psych appt go today?
HI,
Yeah, things aren't the best right now. Yes, I am a bit, but there's nothing I can do. Someone else has taken it as much as it hurts. Yes, there are time limits; it just makes things so transactional, I feel. Yeah, I was fairly upset about it last night.
I was well asleep before your post about getting up early for a physics lecture.
I am just doing some more study before I go see my psych at 1:45 p.m. I am feeling very nervous. I sent him an email yesterday just letting him know I booked until November due to someone booking in in September, so I hope it won't be an issue. However, I'm just worried he will want to talk about why I booked so far in advance, and I'm unsure if I should tell him I was upset last night because of it.
I feel nauseous now, and it's not for a couple of hours. I would hate to think how bad it will be in two hours' time.
I don't understand why I find it such a big deal.