TW: Feeling Let Down
Hi,
Is anyone around for a chat?
I'm not feeling very good right now. I really need some company. I'm already so alone and haven't had a full day back in my dorm room 😩😭😥.
I'm feeling let down by my uncle today. Since I returned to my parent's place, I had to reschedule seeing my uncle. He was free on the 25th, so I texted him to double-check that he was still free now that I was back at uni. We were going to go out for breakfast or lunch. He told me he would only be free for half an hour for a walk. I'm so disappointed he is busy, but I thought we booked that day. I'm unsure if something came up, but I don't want to see him for only half an hour. It's not long enough, and it's a little insulting that he would think only catching up for that time is fair toward me or himself. I would feel rushed as a lot has happened since we last spoke. There is no way we can both talk for that length of time and discuss everything. I haven't thoroughly spoken to him since I was in hospital. We will hopefully do something next week, maybe dinner, but I'm not holding onto much hope for that. Is it okay to feel disappointed, or am I just too sensitive and overreacting to how things have changed?
Since I've found that out, it's dampened my mood; I'm starting to feel really sad, down and alone. It's also my first night back in my dorm. I want to cry, but I don't want to at the same time. I don't know why I can feel okay. Why do I have to feel so utterly disappointed?
I'm currently safe. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts since discharge, so I'm at least pleased with that. I'll continue to monitor over the next week or so since I'll be on my own now, but hopefully, they will continue to not be present in my life. I have a session with my regular at KHL tomorrow night, and I won't see my psych this week as last week; when I had a session over telehealth, he said we should skip this week. So I'll have to see how things go.
Comments
Hey @Red_Flamingo
How are you doing? Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions with us🥺 When I read your phrase saying: "Is it okay to feel disappointed, or am I just too sensitive and overreacting to how things have changed?", I immediately had some thoughts pop up on my mind.
Although I was not technically in your shoes, I just wanna say that it's totally fine to feel bad sometimes, even if that "sometimes" seems like forever, it's still your emotion and you are entitled to feel the emotions you're having. I guess it would be hard to stop blaming yourself, but I don't think emotions are logical. It might be frustrating not being able to control your emotions the way you want to, but trust me your feelings are all valid. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong for feelings and emotions, it is what is it and you're not "overreacting" or being "too sensitive". It's okay to feel disappointed, I assure you.
I'm unsure if you saw my post below, but I'm so stupid and didn't read what he said properly. He said to go for a walk at around 2:00 - 2:30, meaning a time to meet, not how long we have. I feel so dumb that I thought he meant that.
@Red_Flamingo oh okay, I see what you meant. From what I understand, it was the miscommunication between you and your uncle that make you feel bad yeah? I see. In my honest opinion, I don’t think it’s your fault, because misunderstanding happens from time to time, I don’t think that you’re “dumb” either. Words can be interpreted in many different ways and I think it’s normal for situations like this to happen (it does to me a lot to be honest, so i can partially understand the frustration you had). From what I've read, I don't think your uncle blamed you, he probably wanted to make sure situation like this wouldn't happen again so that you would be able to comfortably hang out with him next time. It's okay to feel bad, but I just wanna say that misunderstanding doesn't mean stupidity. I hope you will feel better soon🥺🫂
Thank you @frogonthelake
Yes, I can't believe I thought he was only free for half an hour, that's why I was so sad on Monday. How could we talk about anything in that length of time? Two other people I've spoken to said they didn't think what I thought. Someone said today it's because I go to the worst-case scenario, and so it's just how I perceived it.
Thank you for saying I'm not dumb or stupid. I appreciate you saying that. I'm just annoyed with myself. That's how I interpreted his text.
How are you? What are you up to at the moment?
You're welcome, @Red_Flamingo
I see how you feel🥺 I tend to think not everyone can interpret words in the same way because we are all different at the core anyway, so it's fine to see things in a different direction than the majority sometimes. I would be so sad if I could only see a person I love for half an hour too, like, me and my best friend often chat for hours so 30 minutes is really not enough for anything.
And I think I'm pretty good for now hehheh, thank you for asking. I will have my final exam tomorrow, although I don't think I'm bad at this subject but I'm honestly still a bit nervous ;;-;;
I know right time goes so fast. The last time I saw my uncle, we talked for two hours.
What are you studying? Are you in high school, uni, or TAFE? @frogonthelake
Yeahh for real. Life has tons of things to talk about!!
I'm doing a pathway course to uni so I will be in uni next yeah when this course is finished:)
I did that last year as well. I did a diploma of university studies in health science and now I'm doing my bachelor of health science majoring in nutrition.
What degree do you want to go into @frogonthelake
wowwww that's so cool! I'm going to do bachelor of psychological science next year. I heard that it will be full of research and stuffs:) How do you feel about health science so far? I considered it once because it sounds nice
I'm likeing it a lot. The nutrtion, chemistry and biochemistry has been my fav.
Do you want to become a clinical or general psych @frogonthelake
Idk yet, I'll probably figure it out once i get into the course:)
Ah, okay, that sounds like a good plan, @frogonthelake
I hope you like statistics.
Hey @Red_Flamingo I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone at the moment, I can imagine it to be quite challenging to return to your dorm for the first time, and be alone there. I'm glad to see you reaching out for support and connection, especially whilst feeling so down. I can also understand how the change in plans with your uncle would be very tough - last minute changes can be so challenging, and even moreso if we are looking forward to being able to share something important with the person. It's definitely okay to feel disappointed, it sounds like you really wanted to be able to talk to him about stuff more deeply. I'm sure your uncle wouldn't have changed the plans unless necessary, but still, do you think it could be worth letting him know how you feel? That way the two of you could potentially make some new plans. He may not know how much this meetup meant to you, and might even sense it if you're feeling crappy during the time you do get to spend with him.
Really glad to hear your SI has eased off - what an accomplishment! And good on you for staying vigilant and continuing to access support. Perhaps you could also talk to your KHL regular about the situation with your uncle? Might even help to write down some stuff about how it's making you feel so you can a) get it out of your brain and onto some paper and b) have a summary ready to go for when they call. And they might be able to help you plan for something you might say to your uncle, to help in expressing how it is you're feeling at the moment.
Hope you can be gentle with yourself tonight as you settle back into your dorm!
Hi @Pho-RO
Thank you. I really appreciate it. I know I was really looking forward to seeing him on Saturday. Yes, I did. We've started to get closer in the past few months since my aunt hasn't been around as much. He understands what I'm going through and is way better to talk to than my parents. I needed longer than half an hour to talk.
Yeah, I was wondering that. I was so disappointed when he said he would only be free for that time. I'll talk to KHL tomorrow and see what she thinks. I've been honest with him when we couldn't catch up last night because something came up on his end.
What do you mean regarding the following? "He may not know how much this meetup meant to you, and might even sense it if you're feeling crappy during the time you do get to spend with him".
He might sense what? If I'm not feeling good. I'm a bit confused, sorry.
Yes, it is good. The new mood stabiliser has been a game changer. Other than the tremor, it's going well. Yes, I think I'll she will be able to help. We'll, come up with something I can say to him. Not sure if I should text it to him or tell him next week if I do get to see him. I do hope so. We were supposed to see each other on the 4th of November but couldn't because something came up. I did see him on the 8th for trivia night, but it was with other family and friends so I couldn't discuss anything with him. Then we were going on the 18th, but I couldn't because I was at my parent's place.
This is what he said regarding the 25th. What do you think? He actually asked me if I was free on the 25th, so he is reneging on me.
"Can we decide on a time later?
I want to play golf, and it'll be in the morning, so could we catch up in the early afternoon?
But sometimes I can only get an afternoon spot, so could we do it earlier? Only if it fits in with your interview, though".
FYI didn't have an interview for this weekend; I've already had it. He got confused.
I'll have to ask what happened when he said he was free. I'm really disappointed.
We would do breakfast or lunch, so that's longer than 30 min.
@Red_Flamingo I'm glad that you've got your KHL call coming up, I hope it's exactly what you need to help you work through your feelings and come up with some next steps.
What I meant was... well, often we don't realise just how intuitive we can be. Our communication is 90% body language and tone of voice, and often others can pick up on our emotional state even when we try to hide it. So I imagined that if you didn't let your uncle know how you were feeling, it might show in your tone or your movements, even without you realising, and he'd be able to sense that. Ergo, by letting him know explicitly that you're feeling disappointed, and that you have more that you want to share than what 30 minutes will allow, he will be able to respond accordingly - i.e. by making an effort to create another time for you both to come together. I hope that makes sense.
To me, it sounds like he's trying to balance his own needs and desires whilst still trying to create time for you - which is awesome, because he obviously cares about you to want to ensure he can squeeze in even half an hour with you! Sounds like you are a priority, even if it doesn't feel like it with this change of plans. As long as you are continuing to communicate with each other, I'm sure you'll be able to work something out.
I hope so, too @Pho-RO I wish I was seeing my psych this week, but oh well. I'll have to wait until next Wednesday.
Oh, okay, I understand what you mean. Yes, I do hope we can do dinner next week as he's busy on the weekend. Yeah, I get what you're saying, but it doesn't feel like it. When I'm sure, we had this weekend booked in. When you said squeezing me in, I felt an intrusive thought. "Well, he doesn't really care as he rescheduled twice already. Why would he care about me anyway? No one seems to." So that's a lovely thought to be having.
@Pho-RO I misinterpreted my uncle's message. “Saturday, I can do a catch-up at about 2-2:30. For a walk/drink.”
I thought he meant he was only free for half an hour. He said it would take him half an hour-ish to meet. What do you think of what he said? Please, can you be honest with me? I would appreciate your opinion. No one will ever give me theirs. I really did think he was only free for half an hour by his message. I was so disappointed yesterday by it.
However, he did say, “May I suggest in future, if you're unsure like that, it's best to just ask me if I meant 30 mins.” I feel he is making it my fault that I didn’t understand. His message wasn’t clear, or I don’t think it was. Maybe other people might, but I take things literally. Why can't I just be normal and not understand things? Now I’m just feeling sad because of how stupid I am. Ahhh what is wrong with me I feel so bad right now. I feel like a wave of sadness is coming over me. I’m just on the train back to uni. I want to cry so badly 😩😭😢. I'm safe BTW.
