TW: Feeling worthless
Hi I feel suicidal and I self harm I had a Suicide attempt it messed me up. two strangers saved my life when I tried to end my life they tried to get me help but I got into trouble fines /barring order & told to think Of others. That really hurt when I know other people get help after their attempt obviously no one wants me on this earth.now I avoid certain places have nightmares and i think a lot about the attempt If those guys didn’t save me it would have been bad i feel guilt that they saved me & I can’t fix myself/make things better They said life can get better but things are worse now I don’t know how to make things better I don’t think they’ll ever be.I hate them for not letting me die.when people Say to me it’s amazing I’m still alive,most people couldn’t handle what you’ve been through if you are so depressed what’s keeping you here i feel stupid being alive hospital send me home say no point admitting me I’ll still feel horrible when discharged Ed doc said I wasting their time and resources coming in mental health tell me I need to figure out what I can do to help myself then call back and tell them last time they thought they had hung up the phone but hadn’t I heard them imitating me being upset saying I’m putting on an act again then laughter from others. It’s not an act though I feel so much pain N trapped in my life I’ve tried to change things I can’t.I’ve had so many bad experiences I hate when people say there’s help/go to hospital if you feel unsafe because there’s no help for me no one cares.people think I’m worthless they say I’m not but they treat me like I am how can I not be worthless if I dont Know why I am The other day I couldn’t stop crying for hours I got told I was taken by wheelchair into hospital I barely remember stuff just builds up till I can’t take it anymore I don’t know how to release it.
I don’t know why I’m posting I just want to tell someone how I’m feeling and have someone listen
Comments
Hey @Black_bird
We hear how distressed you are and how unhappy you are about your situation. It is important for you to know that we are listening to you and that the community is here to support you. We are so glad that you have reached out to us 
.
I'm not sure if you're aware, but there are a number of resources that might be helpful for you. Things like headspace, Lifeline (open 24/7), and Suicide Call Back Service (open 24/7) - we recommend you contacting the latter two if you are ever in crisis. Please see our urgent help page here.
This is a difficult time of year for many people who are struggling with thoughts of suicide. We would encourage you to reach out to family and friends who you feel comfortable talking to. Remember that just talking to people about general stuff, like about your day, is often helpful, and you don't need to go into detail about what's going on for you if you don't want to.
Again, I'm super glad you've reached out. We have an great bunch of users who provide amazing peer support to each other daily.
Lastly, you've mentioned self-harm and suicide a lot in your last post. I just need to check whether you are safe at the moment?
@Black_bird What we mean when we ask questions like this is - are you are planning to hurt yourself today?
I understand that you have thoughts of suicide, but what we are asking you now is whether you have any plans to hurt yourself today.
Hi @Black_bird
The way the people at the hospital treated you was so, so wrong..
You deserve better, and I'm so sorry that you didn't get that.
I can think of a few places and resources that might be able to help you, so I can definitely get those for you.
Before I do that though, could you tell me what you've tried already to help yourself so that I'm not repeating things you've already tried?
We're here if you need anything
My family are having their own issues and not supportive and my friend smoked around me all the time and they were mean and putting down people so I stopped hanging out with them and at least I can breathe properly now
God it’s so depressing writing all that I don’t know what I’m doing wrong I feel like I’m not meant to get better
Hey @Black_bird,
Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like you've had such a difficult experience, and I can understand why you are feeling so low. Chronic mental health issues are some of the toughest thing to go through, particularly due the the lack of understanding that seems to exist around mental health disorders.
I am so glad that you have found ReachOut. A lot of our users have experienced a lot of similar situations to that of what you have just described. @Tiny_leaf might have some really helpful advice, as they've supported other users who have spoken about experiences like yours.
Often when we feel overwhlemed and emotionally burnt out, it can be really helpful to just focus on the short term stuff, like just being safe for the night. What sort of things can make you feel better when you are feeling like this? We can definitely sit with you and support you while you work through tonight if you like
Hotlines-none of them helped they try to get me to talk to others and get off the phone and won’t even listen to me
Hospital
DBT
CBT for eating disorder
medication most success with that
gp
distraction
I went to headspace they said my issues were too complex and kids helpline didn’t therapy for a while then told me to get face to face even tho I said I couldn’t afford It
amd I’ve done support group too
@Black_bird I've had similar experiences... CBT is worse than useless for me for some reason. Headspace first told me that my condition wasn't serious enough, then that it was too serious, and then said that I didn't have a condition 
Most helplines either do nothing for me or make me feel worse for some reason.
It's not that you're 'broken', the whole system is. 
But I think you are meant to get better. And I don't think you're doing anything wrong at all. You've already been doing so much! Sometimes the places that are meant to help just.. fail miserably. But there are still a lot of options out there.
You mentioned calling a few helplines, have you ever spoken to SANE?
I've found them to be a lot more helpful when it comes to serious/ complex issues. They also have some really good resources.
I've also had good experiences with Suicide Callback Service.
The one thing that I've found most useful when professionals have failed me (and that happens a lot...) is peer support and advice.
Honestly I've gained more from it than from any traditional therapy.
Reach Out is amazing for this, I've personally learnt so much talking to the people here.
For example, we have this thread on alternative coping methods that aren't self harm, which can be really useful to have in your toolbox.
We also have a few threads on specific issues like OCD, food and eating issues, and coping with hearing voices, so if there's anything specific you'd like to look at I can take a look. Also feel free to use the search bar at the top of the page.
I'd also suggest looking into recovery orientated blogs and websites, as these can be incredible sources of information and ideas.
For example, this page has a list of useful resources. They're divided into sections for specific issues, for example PTSD, depression or dissociation. I've used a fair few of those resources myself, and they've been a lifesaver for me, probably literally.
I get the feeling that no one's properly helped you cope with your attempt...
That's one thing I don't personally have experience with, but there's this page on coping after a suicide attempt which might have something useful in it.
Anyway, sorry for the rather essay-like post, but I hope there's something useful for you in there.
Thanks quin. I looked at the list of links thanks. I’ve been getting medical for previous self harm injuries and it’s really making me want to harm again if I need to I’ll contact a helpline
Hey @Black_bird
Are there any other things you could do that might make you feel a bit better, or anythings that've helped before?
Hi @Black_bird, thanks for sharing what is going on for you right now. It sounds as though you have been through a lot these past few days. It is so brave of you to come to this forum and seek support We have guidelines that detail ways of talking about suicide and self-harm on the forums, which you can find here. Most importantly, if we are worried for the safety of a member, we may ask if they are safe. This is referring to whether you are safe from your thoughts of suicide and/or self-harm. If a member does not confirm safety or include this in their post, we may remove their post. This is because these topics can be triggering to other users and can cause them to be concerned for your well-being. Our forum is also not monitored 24/7 and are unable to provide crisis support, which may mean we direct you to to services who can support you if you are feeling unsafe. These services are listed here, but you may have other services you prefer to contact.
I noticed you mentioned wanting to self-harm, are you safe right now? Can you please clarify by editing your post about self-harm or writing a new comment on this thread? As I mentioned above, if you are feeling unsafe, we suggest you contact services listed here to receive immediate support These conversations are important to us, so we want to create a space to talk safely about these topics in our community.
I don’t feel that safe right now I might try calling a helpline if i need to
Hey @Black_bird,
I'm just letting you know that I'm sending you an email soon, so please keep an eye on your inbox for that
Hey @Black_bird,
I'm really sorry to see that you had a rough night last night. I wanted to check in with how you're feeling at the moment? I can see that you did some important safety planning last night, which you should be incredibly proud of. I know that you've mentioned in the past that it isn't always easy for you to contact a helpline, but I am so glad that you reached out and tried it when you were feeling distressed
