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TW Hi, I'm new here

Remember you are beautiful and amazing, you deserve the world and all the happiness and safety in it. 

 

Trigger Warnings:

Mentions of SH, ED/BN, ST, DPDR, ADHD

 

I love my mum and dad but it's really hard to be honest with them and they fight a lot, my dad has had this sickness for many years now which makes him extra controlling and hypervigilant (fibromyalgia). My sisters cut off communication with my dad (I have 2 half sisters and 1 actual sister. I haven't seen one of them for 15 years, one of them I haven't seen for almost 8 years, and one of them I see occasionally), school doesn't feel right for me, I don't have a social life, I feel like I don't have any best friends even though I know I do, and I don't see the point in trying when it feels like everyone I love will disappear like I'm in a dream. Nothing feels real and I'm lonely. There's no meaning to my life. I think I have Derealisation Disorder and ADHD but it has not been clarified by a doctor. I also self-harm and experience disordered eating when I feel really bad about life or myself in general, and experience suicidal thoughts.

 

Don't worry I am safe and live in a safe environment with supportive people around me, I do not have specific plans of suicide. I have not self-harmed for 15 days now. I am keeping myself safe and using healthy ways to cope by using an app (HarmLess) that has meditation and a tracker on it, and when I feel like self-harming or having suicidal thoughts I listen to music and write poetry. 

AngelPoison
AngelPoisonPosted 07-07-2024 11:56 AM

Comments

 
adzukitty
adzukittyPosted 07-07-2024 09:08 PM

hi @AngelPoison , it's nice to meet you and thank you for the kind words - you are beautiful and amazing and deserve the world and all the happiness and safety in it too <33

 

thank you for confirming that you aren't actively making a suicide plan and know how to find the resources you need if it ever gets to that point. you should be so proud of yourself for keeping yourself accountable with HarmLess and finding solace in music and poetry. congratulations on 15 days clean that's amazing!

it sounds like while you love your parents it's also hard to confide in them about everything because of the health complexities with your dad causing some changes to his personality. your experience with derealisation and adhd symptoms must be so hard to cope with given you're also struggling with disordered eating, suicidal ideation and self harm on top of the unsettled relationship with school and social stuff. i also have adhd and have struggled with all the other mental health issues you've mentioned so can relate to your situation. you're not alone in this and we can get through this together. hopefully you are able to find some help with a school counsellor or your gp. I'm here if you ever need to talk again and thank you for sharing your experience.

 
soulfuljade
soulfuljadePosted 07-07-2024 01:46 PM

Hello @AngelPoison ,

 

Welcome, it's nice to have you here! Firstly, congratulations on posting here for some support. Whilst it can be a daunting step, it is such a brave and strong one to reach out for some support 👏

 

It sounds like you are currently juggling a lot, between family and friendships. You mention your mum and dad fighting a lot, and not having seen your sisters for many years now, I am wondering how you feel about this situation? 

 

In terms of school not feeling right, perhaps you could discuss this with a school chaplain to get some advice on what might suit you better? School does not suit everyones learning needs, and it is okay to recognise and adapt the system to better suit you. 

 

I had a similar experience in school in terms of the social aspect. I always felt like I didn't have any friends and I actually think it impacted how I interacted with the friends I did have. My feelings led me to not be as out-going and friendly as what I actually am, rather I was distant and sad and I think this only heightened how I felt. It might be an idea to reflect on why you are feeling this way and if comfortable speak with your friends about it. I am sure they will be in your corner, supporting you. 

 

Congratulations on being 15 days clean now! That is such a big accomplishment and I am proud of you! Keep going, you got this. Please feel free to reachout if you need anything 🌹

 
 
AngelPoison
AngelPoisonPosted 07-07-2024 02:32 PM

Thank you very much, I will

 
Lily_RO
Lily_ROPosted 07-07-2024 01:45 PM

Hi @AngelPoison welcome the the ReachOut community, it's great to have you here 😊

 

It sounds incredibly tough to be dealing with so much all at once, and it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed by everything you're going through. I want to acknowledge that it can take a lot of strength to share your feelings and experiences, and you should feel proud for reaching out here. Considering everything you're facing, I'm wondering what you feel you need the most support with right now?

 

Your feelings of disconnect and loneliness are valid, and it's understandable that you find it hard to open up to your parents amidst their fighting and your dad's challenges. I can also see how feeling disconnected from siblings might add another layer of loneliness, as well as not having friendships that feel fulfilling. It's positive that you recognise you have people who care about you, even if it's hard to feel their support at times.

 

Derealisation, self-harm, disordered eating, and suicidal thoughts are all incredibly overwhelming and draining issues to deal with and navigate on your own. I’m wondering if you've considered reaching out to a doctor or mental health professional for support with managing these concerns? 

 

It’s really amazing to hear that you're using the HarmLess app and other coping strategies like music and writing poetry to help manage your feelings and stay safe. 

 

I wanted to share a few services that may provide some extra support for what you're going through. First, there is the Butterfly Foundation, which offers telephone and chat support to individuals experiencing disordered eating and body image issues. There is also BeyondBlue and KidsHelpline, which both offer telephone and chat support to individuals for a range of issues.

 

Keep taking care of yourself, reaching out for support, and using the strategies that help you cope. The ReachOut community are here for you 💛

 
 
AngelPoison
AngelPoisonPosted 07-07-2024 02:50 PM

Thank you so much. It means a lot that someone reads my struggle and acknowledges that I'm trying. I have not reached out to a doctor or mental health professional because I'm a little scared and it stresses me out. I don't want to make my mum and dad worry as well.

 
 
 
Bailey_RO
Bailey_ROPosted 07-07-2024 04:50 PM

Hey @AngelPoison

It is understandable to be feeling a little scared and worried about seeing a doctor/mental health professional for the first time. I wanted to share some resources around professional help which I though you may find helpful to have a look through. There are articles that explain the different types of professionals, supports and confidentiality. 

 

If you feel more comfortable, you can also use the free services online such as the Butterfly Foundation, Beyond Blue and Kids Helpline 

 

Do you think you would feel comfortable reaching out to one of these services? 

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