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TW I'm finding it hard to keep going.
Hi, my pronouns are she/her. I'm 20 years old I'm really struggling to keep going with life and especially the how. In primary school I struggled a lot to regulate my emotions because of at the time- undiagnosed autism. There were also a few kids who bullied me for my differences. Anyway long story short after primary school I started to school refuse, And from 14 I never went back to an in person school, I tried to finish high school online a few times but I always freaked out and cancelled it. Anyway I'v been depressed for a long time and have really struggled with pure o ocd and social anxiety as well. Tonight I felt so depressed. It's hard too put into words but I just feel like I failed at life. I have no friends haven't for years. I barley leave my family's home to go out anywhere. I keep trying to find something too study so I can move forward get a job ect. But I feel like I have no passion for anything career wise. I tried to start a photography course and then realize photography was never for me anyway. So then I think about just getting a job but most unskilled ones need you to socialize and customer service and I start panicking around people my age I don't know its so hard . So I feel stuck really stuck. Because I do want to move out and have my own space and eventually have friends and a girlfriend. And find other people to talk to who are also in the LGBTQIA+ community (I'm a lesbian). But it all feels so hard to just be able to do normal things like get a job. I've tried so much therapy but its not working. And just feel like I'm a failure and stuck. The only things besides my family that make me feel anything other then either numb or anxious is my passion for queer stories especially wlw stories, books shows, games etc. When i'm in a story I feel free. But I cant turn that into a job.So I just don't know what to do.If anyone here is/has been in a similar situation and has any advice and/or suggestions it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you( and sorry for the bad grammar never fully learnt it but I'm trying to teach myself)
Comments
Hey @Chars2004
I wanted to say that I am so very proud of you for opening up on here about everything. I also want you to know that you are not alone, and that I see and hear you.
I can resonate a lot with what you have written in your post. I'm 22 and went all throughout schooling with undiagnosed autism and was frequently bullied because of how I was, even though I never knew why.
I also want to reassure you that it is normal, especially while we're young, to not know what we want to do in our life, or even feel like we've failed at life when we compare what we have/haven't done with others who are around our own age. I am proud of you for trying that photography course, and there is nothing wrong with realising that it wasn't for you; perhaps there is another artistic practice that may interest you, like making things from clay, makeup, writing, or even just doing a colouring in.
It can be tricky trying to navigate the whole job scene being autistic and having OCD and social anxiety, as you said, most unskilled/entry-level jobs require you to socialise and do customer service. There are some unskilled/entry-level jobs out there like data entry, lab technician (I could do a TAFE course for this), or even some freelance work as a writer, for example. I know lots of people, especially autistic people, who decide to start up their own little businesses too which might interest you.
You mentioned your passion for queer stories and that it is something that makes you feel free. You could 100% turn that into a job. Whether that is writing queer stories or making queer art, or working for a queer/neurodiverse small company, there are many paths you could choose. Being autistic and a part of the LGBTQIA+ Community myself, and my own values and beliefs, I want to get a job within the mental health sector so I can help neurodiverse and queer folk in all areas of life. Because of this, I'll be doing a Diploma in Mental Health and a Diploma in Alcohol and Other Drugs through TAFE.
I also recommend finding queer/neurodiverse spaces online/in person; coming on here is definitely a great start, as there are many folks who are neurodiverse and/or are a part of the LGBTQIA+ Community.
I hope some of this will help you a little.
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
Hey @Chars2004,
Welcome to ReachOut! Thank you for being courageous and sharing what you’re going through with the community. It highlights your resilience and your self-awareness to reach out for support, which is really inspiring! You should be so proud of yourself. I also want you to know that you are not at all alone with how you’re feeling and what you’re going through!
I can see from your post that you had a tough time regulating your emotions in primary school due to undiagnosed autism. I can see that you also experienced bullying as a result of your differences which is totally not okay! Bullying can have such an impact on your life and It sounds like this may have contributed to your school refusal understandably! This would’ve been so tough for you.
I can also hear that you’ve been depressed for a long time and have struggled with pure o OCD and social anxiety. This would be incredibly challenging for you. It sounds like you’ve also been engaged with a professional and have had therapy around this, and feel like nothing has been working for you. I am curious to know what you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time? I’d like to share this article that highlights what you can do when it feels like nothing is working, in case it is helpful.
I can also see that you’re also feeling stuck around what your passions are. This is really common among other young people and is understandably hard to navigate. Have you spoken to your therapist or family about what you’re going through? I can hear that you’ve also haven’t really had any friends for years, which would be really isolating and lonely. It sounds like you also have an interest in queer stories which is awesome! Have you been able to explore any online communities? Maybe an LGBTQIA+ community that might have a space to share queer stories and be a place to find some friendships? It might be helpful to explore this topic on Loneliness and Isolation, which has a few articles on coping.
In case you are interested in additional support, I encourage you to explore ReachOut’s PeerChat service, which offers free 1:1 support that is confidential for young people aged 16 to 25. You might also be interested in connecting with Kids Helpline, who offer free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25.
An email has also been sent to check in with you offline, so please keep an eye out for that!