TW: Life hurts
I'm lonely and I miss my friend. I went from having about four or five people to talk to, and now I don't really have anyone. Well, I have one now but I can't really. I feel like I'm a burden to everyone I talk to about hard things.
I feel like no one sees me. And there's a constant pain in my heart.
I read somewhere that constant loneliness can be just as bad as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day. And I don't know how accurate that is, but it just makes me feel worse. Because I can't really do anything about this information. It makes me feel like I've ruined my physical health as well as my mental health.
I had to have a shower to calm down because I was about to cry and I'm sharing a hotel room with my mum and sisters. It helped but I still hurt.
Anyway, I'm safe. Just been listening to music and journalling. And I'm about to go to sleep now.
Comments
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin
Sorry to hear you feel like this and by the way, you are not a burden to anyone you talk to.
People have listed some great things here like spending time with your pet, engaging in hobbies and joining clubs. Some other things you can do is maybe try volunteering, it's a great way to meet new people in person or online. Or maybe if you like sports or fitness you could join something there? Even on some social media platforms, they have groups you could join with people that have similar interests, if you're interested in that?
I'm really sorry you're going through this with your friendships right now. Loneliness is a tough emotion to deal with.
With your friends, it's entirely okay to want more meaningful interactions, maybe initiating conversations about shared experiences or memories could make more of that deeper connection you're wanting?
You have a unique mix of interests so utilising those to help develop and start connections is a great place to start! You mentioned you like reading so maybe exploring a local book club could be a good option, I know there are different ones online or in person. You also like crafts so maybe starting classes related to that is a good place to start as well, you can work on your hobby and also meet likeminded people?
I'm not sure if you're in uni or not but a lot of universities have societies/clubs you can join that are tailored to your interests.
Also, exploring a different/new job is a great way to make friends. It's a way I've made new friends outside of school.
Also just a reminder that reaching out and expressing your feelings is never a burden.
Remember, you're not alone in this journey. If there's anything specific you'd like to discuss or explore further, feel free to share
Thank you.
I would like to join some more online groups similar to this one or a book group or something like that. I tried to find some but I couldn't really. Do you know any good ones?
I just finished Year 12 so I'm starting uni this year, but unfortunately because I wanted to study something that's not really common here, I have do to online. And the uni I'm studying with doesn't really have any online groups I could join as a part of that.
I was planning on getting a new job, mainly to meet new people, but I'll probably wait maybe a few weeks after I start studying just so I don't have heaps to think about at once.
I haven't personally tried an online book club, but you might want to check out bookclubs.com (though it's U.S. based). Both the city of Melbourne and the city of Sydney also host online book clubs. Additionally, there's the booktokbookclub (Australia-based) and the shameless book club (also Australia-based), which seem to be more targeted towards young people.
Congratulations on finishing Year 12 and starting uni! What degree will you be studying? I understand it can be challenging to make friends in an online setting, but group projects might provide opportunities to connect with your peers.
It's completely reasonable to wait a bit before getting a new job, especially with the adjustment to uni. Starting a degree is a significant change, and it's important to prioritise your well-being. When you do decide to look for a job, is there a specific type of job or industry you're interested in applying for?
Thanks for all those websites. I'll have to check them out when I have time.
I am studying towards my Bachelor of Missions. Because it's online, I don't think there are any group projects. There are only forums for asking questions about the work, and that type of things.
I have thought about working at a Christian book store. The only problem is it's in the other side of the city, so I'd have to catch a bus every time or get my licence and maybe a car, which I don't really have the money for.
I would also like to work with kids, but I'd rather not have to worry about training, so that might be a year later.
Or just a cafe or something like that.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin those sound like some interesting jobs you're considering! It can be tough weighing up the requirements and barriers that can arise from certain jobs, especially while studying. I just wanted to let you know that I've slightly edited your post to maintain anonymity, in accordance with our guidelines
I'm sorry to hear about how you are feeling, during the holidays it can be hard to stay connected with your friends especially when you are all busy doing different things. First off you are not a burden and can always talk about hard things here, someone is always here to listen.
When I'm feeling lonely I like to sit outside in the sun, which promotes vitamin D and can be good for your mental health. Even taking a journal or a book outside can help. I also like to spend time with my pets if I can. Do you have any pets you could spend time with?
Thanks.
Yeah, I do try to get outside when I'm sad, even if it's just the back yard. Definitely something I could do more of.
I have a pet dog. But sometimes he just barks and runs around. But when he's lying down, I love spending time with him, patting him.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin ,
I understand how isolated you must be feeling and want you to know that you aren't alone. I can also hear your distress around disconnecting with your friends and missing your friends. I am glad to hear that you are safe by listening to music and journalling and were able to calm yourself down with a shower. I am wondering if you have any hobbies or interests? Sometimes picking up a hobby or exploring an interest can help you meet new people which can sometimes spark new friendships.
I also recommend this article here that explores things to do when you're feeling lonely and another here with stories from other young people who are sharing their experience with loneliness. I'd also like to add that if you are ever feeling unsafe with your thoughts to contact Lifeline who can provide you with immediate support.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks for getting back.
Yes, I have quite a few hobbies, like music, writing, reading, crafts, and hiking. But I'm not really sure how I can meet new people and make new friends.
I feel like none of my friends actually want to hear about my life. Like I'm not that important to them and they could easily do without me. And I feel bad when I message them too often, because they aren't actually sharing about they're spending their time or how their going. It's pretty much just my messages and a few responses to it, so I'm not talking as much as I wanted to.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin ,
Thanks for your response. It's great to see that you have so many wonderful hobbies and interests. Making friends can feel so daunting and it is understandable you aren't sure how to go about this. Just a thought, there are many groups that get together to participate in activities to make new friends or just socialise both online and in person. Would this be something you might be interested in?
I did try to find some online groups but I don't really know where to look. But I also feel like when it's too big of a group, you don't get as much out of it compared to a smaller group. Definitely something like that would be good to try.
I mean, when I ask them how they are, most the time, they say they're good and add something about school or assignments and being busy. But it's not really real. I've only really had deep replies like once or twice.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin it's very true that the toughest part of building connections is starting out, and the fact that you've started looking at what might work for you is really resourceful. It sounds like you're really looking for smaller groups to connect with. I wonder if finding local groups could make it easier to build those consistent connections around a mutual interest? It might help to look at local volunteering events or workshops which could ensure a group of like-minded people coming together for an occasion. Some apps or sites can show you where local meetups are too.
It sounds like you haven't been able to have deep replies very often with these friends. If you can remember, I'd be curious to know what led to those deeper conversations? Maybe being able to understand where you have connected with them in the past would help you to build your friendship more?
I know that you're away at the moment with family, have they been able to give you any support while you're feeling down?
Yeah, I'm just not really sure where to look. Like I've tried to find some online places but I don't really know how to find good ones.
I think its usually quite random when they share deep things. Like I used to ask them how they were maybe every few weeks and only like twice, they answered with something actually deep. So I kind of gave up asking. And I'm not sure I want to ask any of them at the moment, because I'd feel like I'm just asking because I want them to ask me back.
No, I don't go to my family for support. I just go completely silent and they don't even notice. Because I'm a quiet person normally. I just go a lot more quiet. And I don't really want to talk to them. I hate the attention. I hate them worrying about me and focusing on me instead of everyone else.
