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TW: Losing people
This morning I found out that one of the only people I feel seen and loved by isn't supposed to talk privately to me anymore because of the age and sex difference. And I don't really share deep things with my other friends because they have their own issues to deal with.
And I only have one other person I share deep things with and she is amazing, but I'm losing my only other supporter. And it really hurts. Especially because this person was in the habit of checking on me quite frequently.
Comments
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin, welcome to ReachOut!
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now. Losing someone who sees you and understands you is a lot to deal with, so I really appreciate you sharing what's been happening for you.
This post discussing grief and loss might be helpful, and If you feel comfortable sharing, I'd like to understand what led to this change in communication?
I'm glad you still have such an amazing friend to support you! With your other friends going through so much, sharing those deep and vulnerable thoughts can feel like you're taking up space, but I'm wondering if you might consider trying to open up to them? Sometimes asking a friend if they have the space to talk about something difficult beforehand can help get the conversation started.
Looking forward to your reply
So this happened because my parents were worried about my safety and the other person too because they thought we were being a bit too emotionally intimate. So they mentioned it to this person and also got someone else I respect to talk to them and set limits on our conversations, like no private conversations. Meaning I can't comfortable share with this person because there would have to be others around, who I wouldn't be comfortable sharing the same things.
The problem is, I considered them one of my safe people. So now I'm down to a few, and I'm scared that if I share too much with these other safe people, they will think I'm just complaining.
Also, in regards to talking to some of my other friends, I have before and that was great. But I also got told I shouldn't bring my mental health up with them often because of their own problems. So I'm a bit stuck with that.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin,
From what you say it sounds like a tough situation to navigate, it seems like a real challenge discussing this with other people around. I'm curious if you have talked with your friend about the boundary?
We've also sent you an email, if you feel up for responding to it.
Sorry, are you asking about the boundaries they were just given or old boundaries? Because we didn't talk about boundaries together at all, but I think we both had unspoken boundaries. And I haven't talked about the one just set with them because I am a bit scared about talking to them about it. I just don't want either of our feelings to be hurt more.
I did respond to your email but it may not have gone through yet.
Thanks for getting back to us @Lemon_Dolphin
From what you have said it sounds like the boundaries of the relationship were changed without your imput. I imagine that was really confusing and hurtful. I can hear you really care about your friend and don't want either of you to feel hurt, so maybe now is not the right time to talk about how the relationship has changed. I wonder what you can do to take care of yourself during this stressful time? Are there any particular self care activities you enjoy?
Well, I find that certain scents make me feel better, like citruses. So I have been using a candle.
Also lots of journaling because writing helps too.
And I also know that there are people I can talk to if I need to.
Hey @Lemon_Dolphin
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can see the pain of losing someone you trust and not being able to talk to them anymore. I cannot imagine the pain.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your feelings with us. We would love to talk and support you anytime you reach out, so thank you for trusting us.
How are you feeling now? Is there anything you can share with us that might make you feel a bit better? We are here to listen.
I'm scared they'll gradually stop talking to hurt my feelings less, but I think that's going to hurt more.
And I think it was a wise decision, because it could have ended badly, and I thought it would happen eventually, but I wasn't prepared.
@Lemon_Dolphin May I ask what would end badly and why do you think that way? Is it possible for you to communicate with that person at the moment, to let them know how you feel?
Well, I don't think it is that healthy sharing vulnerable thoughts with someone 10 years older of the opposite sex. Because that can lead to problems. But I wanted to ignore that fact because I wanted to feel seen and supported. So I kept letting the relationship get deeper, which wasn't the best idea. But I needed anyone to see me.
I think I could talk to them. I'm scared to though. Because I don't want to hurt them either. So I might leave it a little longer before talking to them.
@Lemon_Dolphin I see. Although I cannot fully understand the position that you're in, I can see that it might be quite uncomfortable for you to be fully vulnerable with that person since your logical sense might conflict with what you want.
It's okay to take time to communicate with that person if you're not ready yet, because I can see that you treasure that person a lot.