This could go under so many categories
Hi second post here.
A lot is going on and I feel completely out of control of my own life so I'll break it up for you.
Family
Im going through another one of those times where my mum and I are fighting about everything, I'm only sixteen and she makes me feel guilty that I cant pay for everything myself, Im in a remote area so I can get a job even through I want to. A huge fight happened the other night about absolutely everything, she is making me sell my two horses because she likes the power that she can take all my loved things away from me. She honestly makes me feel horrible about myself and is always up me about my mental health and not understanding that I don't have reasons I just feel really down. Today she told me I should stop telling my boyfriend about my mental health because hell leave me.
friends
So yay school has started (not yay), I was away half a day because I went to the doctor, no one asked where I was or cared when I turned up late, most conversations stopped when I joined in and they walked off plenty of times to go vape in the bathrooms together ( I quit so I don't go with them). I feel so out of tune and alone.
health and myself
So my mental health is shit right now I feel so numb and helpless after things with mum. I'm stressed about school (year 12) and what will happen next year. To top it all off I have low iron and My birth control has been messing up so I cant get myself out of bed. My doctor put me on a different birth control pill today and I'm worried with the side effects, I'm worried my acne will get worse and I will gain weight. ( I have always been insecure about weight and my body after my family and countless other people saying things) Im so worried that I will gain weight and start hating myself again. I also had blood taken today and I hate blood tests so well see what it says about my iron. AND A FREAKING urine test because I'm asexually active female to rule anything out I have to test for STI even though I am always protected, I understand it is a normal thing to test but I felt so disgusting and down graded because I had to do it and hand it to someone. Not to mention a mental health sheet I had to do for the doctor when I don't want a label on my head I just want to be normal.
This is the main parts without most details 🙂
Comments
Hi @Red_Elephant,
Thank you for sharing what you're going through, I'm really sorry that you're experiencing all of this, I know it must feel incredibly overwhelming especially with all the stuff going on at the same time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and the way she treats you. You're still her child, but the fact she makes you feel horrible, fights with you about everything, is forcing you to sell your horses and told you to stop being open to your boyfriend about your mental health concerns makes it hard to have a normal relationship with her. Your frustrations and anger toward her is completely valid and totally understandable. Do you have a safe place to go to when you have fights with her, such as another family member's place or your boyfriend's house, in case they escalate and you need a place to feel calm and comfortable?
As for school, it can be such a difficult place to be in and nonetheless form genuine friendships. I totally understand feeling disconnected from everyone, especially when they turn a blind eye. Do you have any friends that you can open up to regarding your situation? Although they haven't been the best at the moment, I find that once I open up to someone (even if they are completely ignorant that I haven't been doing okay or haven't realised there's something different about me), they tend to be apologetic and start being there for me and supporting me, even if it's a little bit. My experience in high school was that everyone was very 'me'-centred, but once I found people I can open up to, it made my experience a little less unbearable.
I know you're going through a lot right now, but you're doing the best you can despite all of this, and for that you should be so proud of yourself 💛 You're navigating year 12, the situation with your mum, the side effects of the birth control and the stuff going on with your peers. You're here, alive and breathing, and I just want you to know it takes courage to open up about these sorts of things, which is the right step forward. If there's anything you love to do, like a hobby (reading, painting, smelling flowers, photography, watching your favourite TV show, doing something fun with your boyfriend), use it as an outlet when things feel out of control. It can slow time down a little bit and help you stay grounded. I hope you're okay. Please continue to reach out, we are all here for you. x
Hi @Red_Elephant,
Thank you for sharing what you're going through with the ReachOut community. 💛
I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your mum. It can be disheartening when a parent is unable to understand us and responds in a way that doesn't feel supportive, such as taking away your horses which I can hear you've formed a strong connection with. As for the job search, please don't be too hard on yourself, given it's being impact by something out of your control.
As for school, it can be frustrating putting effort into friendships and feeling that it's not being reciprocated. When I struggled with a similar challenge, I found it helpful to have things in my bag (such as a book) which I could focus on when I wanted to occupy my mind but couldn't find anyone to chat with. Outside of school, I also joined a few local community groups where I ended up meeting a lot of people I'm still friends with.
Considering these challenges and stress with the birth control pill, it's totally understandable you're feeling overwhelmed. Like a few others, I'm wondering if you'd feel comfortable chatting to your GP about your concerns? My GP was also the first person I spoke to about seeing a mental health professional and they were able to refer me to people in my area. I found the conversations I had as a result helped me navigate many of the challenging thoughts and feelings I had at the time. Outside of this, I think the suggestions provided by @Marimo-RO around people to talk to is super helpful.
As for taking care of yourself now, do you think there's anything you can do? For me small acts of self-care can make a big difference in my day, from taking a walk outside to watching some of my favourite tv show at the moment. Here's an interesting article I found that may be worthwhile having a read of: How to be awesome at self-care 😊
Wishing you the very best moving forward and sending hugs!
Hi @Red_Elephant, thank you for sharing and I’m sorry that you’re going through a lot right now. It sounds like everything has been overwhelming and it has been affecting your mental health. First off, I want to commend you for having the courage to reach out. I understand that it can be difficult to seek help and talk about your feelings but you did and I really appreciate that.
It’s sad to hear that your relationship with your mom isn’t going well. I agree with @Marimo-RO and @sunnygirl606 about how fighting with a parent is a difficult and painful experience. It’s understandable that you’re feeling this way, especially since it involves the worry that the things you love will be taken from you.
It sounds like you’re also having a difficult time at school, with all the stress of balancing year 12 as well as feeling alone and disconnected from your peers. On top of that, you’re also having worries about your physical health due to new medications. I can see how these have been causing you so much distress. Like @sunnygirl606, I’m also wondering if you had the chance to discuss with your GP about your concerns about the possible side effects?
In the meantime, I’m also wondering if you have been able to engage in some self-care activities? With all these things going on, it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and helpless. Is there anything that you could do to make yourself at least a bit better? For me, when I feel like everything is too much, I like to do some activities that could take my mind off things such as crocheting or doing colouring books. I find that these activities help me calm down and approach things with a clearer mind.
I wish you all the best and I hope everything gets better soon. Please feel free to reach out anytime because the online community will be here for you. Sending you lots of hugs and love 💙
Hi @Red_Elephant thank you for sharing this with us 💛
Firstly, regarding your family, this sounds very stressful. Like what @Marimo-RO said, fighting with a parent is always an uncomfortable thing to do, especially when you are made to feel powerless. I am glad you are able to continue opening up and talking to your boyfriend about this depsite being told not to. It is good to have someone that you can trust to tell these things to. Are you able to have a conversation with your mum when things are less tense about you being able to keep your horses? It is devastating having to give up something that you love.
School is a stressful time already and i am sorry that you feel disconnected from your peers. Are there any friends that you able to chat to about this or do you feel that most people have treated you different? Is your boyfriend at your school too that you could hang out with to feel less lonely?
With your mental health, are there activities that you could do after having an argument with your mum that would make you feel better? I like to read or paint to help calm me down or express the emotions i am feeling without having to put them into words straight away. I understand the worry about side effects of going on new medication. It can be daunting especially if there are particular side effects that you fear, are you able to chat to your GP more about the medication and what can be done to make you feel better about trialing new medication?
Welcome back to the Youth Community! Thank you for your courage in sharing what has been happening for you.
Fighting with a parent can be a painful experience especially given that the argument you had was about your horses. I can see how deeply you care for them and it's understandable that having to sell them is devastating. I also see how hurtful it can be to be told to stop opening up about your mental health with someone you trust. On top of this, feeling disconnected from peers can make everything feel more isolating.
Nonetheless, it is reassuring that you feel able to talk to your boyfriend about your mental heath. He sounds like a supportive person. Also congratulations on quitting vaping! That is an incredible achievement!
It sounds like you've also been doing your best to balance the stress of year 12 and your physical health. I want to let you know that you're not alone in your experience with birth control. For a lot of people, it can take many tries before finding the right birth control for them. Understandably, the side effects from birth control can be incredibly frustrating and can affect our self-esteem and body image. It's also natural to feel uncomfortable when doing a STI test. Additionally, given the stigma against mental health, it can feel like we're "labelling" ourselves when we do a mental health sheet however, it can also provide us and our GP with more information into what is happening for us and what we can do moving forward.
You've mentioned that you've been feeling numb and helpless and I'm wondering if you've had a chance to talk to a mental health professional about this?
Seeing how much has been going on for you, has there been anything you feel able to do to look after yourself during or after such stressful moments?
If you're seeking one-on-one support, we have a free PeerChat service where you can talk with a peer worker who may have gone through a similar experience. Alternatively, Beyond Blue offers free 24/7 counselling support. I also wanted to share some resources we have that may be helpful to you. Here are some on how to cope when things feel out of your control and coping strategies for dealing with the hard stuff.
We will also be sending you an email so please keep an eye out for it!
