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Unsafe in my own mind

I have been experiencing a lot of stress as of late, having moved back into home at the age of 22 I feel depressed and like I'm going to snap and hurt myself more than I already have through dangerous behaviours. (See previous post)

 

I continually fantasize my last relationship and imagine her as lovely in every way, what I truthfully miss is living away from my parents and living with a partner, I miss the idea more than the person. 

 

I'm taking Medication prescribed to me by a Psychiatrist for my depression and anxiety but it doesn't seem to be working I'm still wrestling with thoughts of self harm and dreams of unsafe partying. That being said I have friends that don't engage in substances that I have pushed away with my dumb actions and it's a coin toss to me wether I fight for them or let them go.

 

I find myself hating existence continually and wishing I wasn't subjected to this suffering continually, with a broken leg I'm so limited by what I can do. 

Hotsaauuce
HotsaauucePosted 01-02-2022 05:54 PM

Comments

 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 01-02-2022 07:12 PM

Hi @Hotsaauuce

 

I am sorry to hear about what you've got on your plate at the moment - I imagine it must be really overwhelming. Moving back home sounds really hard, especially after living with a partner. Things can be so much better and easier when you have your own space. I can hear that each day is really challenging and that you're feeling sick of suffering. Do you ever talk to your parents about how you are feeling? 

 

You mentioned taking medication. It is really great that you have been able to reach out to a health professional, even though things are at their worst. Have you talked about how you have been feeling with your psychiatrist?

 

Either way, please know that we are here to listen Heart

 

Just so you know, I have sent you through an email if you don't mind keeping an eye out for that. I also had to edit some details out of your post as we don't allow members to refer to methods of self harm or suicide. 

 
 
Hotsaauuce
HotsaauucePosted 01-02-2022 09:00 PM

Quite obviously I've talked to my psychiatrist about how I'm feeling or I wouldn't be on the medication in the first place.

 

I honestly have such a judgement against medication and I hate taking it. This prescription doesn't seem to be doing any good for me and doesn't relief my stress. I'm trapped in a constant loop of mixing and meddling with medications to find what works for me. 

I have an addiction to a drug but it seems to be the only thing that can actively relief the stress and heartache I'm going through. 

I want to have a different type of drug again so that I can do proper work internally and see the issues that I need to deal with and deal with them.

 
 
 
Iona-RO
Iona-ROPosted 02-02-2022 11:25 AM

Hi @Hotsaauuce😊

I wanted to check in to see how you're feeling today?

 

I'd love to explore a bit more about what is making you feel particularly stressed and depressed at the moment, if you feel comfortable sharing. From what you've mentioned, I'm presuming you've had a relationship break up recently. Is that something you'd like to talk a bit more about?

 

I also wanted to acknowledge that although moving back in with your parents can feel disappointing, lots of people end up doing this, well into adulthood. So try not to be too hard on yourself. You mention missing living with a partner and living away from your parents. How do you feel about working towards living somewhere on your own or with some friends instead?

 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 01-02-2022 09:56 PM

Hey @Hotsaauuce

 

That is great that you have been able to share this kind of thing with them. That can be a really big step. 

 

Totally fair that you have that view of medication - a lot of people do. And you're right, a lot of medication is trial and error which can be really frustrating and demotivating. Struggling with addiction can make things so much more challenging. I am sorry that you have to deal with that on top of everything else 😢

 

I wanted to check with you as you mentioned hurting yourself - are you safe tonight? I am also wondering if there is anything you can do tonight to give yourself a small moment of comfort? 

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