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my parents are fighting:(
hi, my name is nukiii, and i just joined here:) i have been feeling a lot of stress/anxiety lately, and one of the main reasons is that my parents fight. don't worry, its not physical, but this is one of those instances that my mum is the one instigating the fight. it makes me really sad because she goes on about if your partner gets an angry at you and starts being rude, they aren't the one, but she still says hurtful things towards my dad, or gets super annoyed at him. mind you, this is only when she is in one of her 'moods', and we all hate those. i love my parents more than anything in the world, but im not sure whether to say something, or let it be. other than the times she is in those moods, she is really nice and even loving towards him, but sometimes she can just make ppl feel shit. shes such a good person, and me going back and forth is probably confusing you, but it confuses me too, thats why i am asking for advice or tips. i love her so much, it just makes me so sad to see them fight sometimes, and i just feel sad when that happens. other than that, i am pretty ok. i know i am much more privileged than others. right now my tactic is to just keep loving/caring for them both, and i hope they one day just talk to each other without getting angry and annoyed. any tips or advice for any aspect of this?
Comments
hey, @nukiii I admire your resilience and your care for your parents. How are you feeling today? I know that you have an urge to care for your parents, but I hope you've been taking care of yourself as well. If you need to talk about anything, just reach out.
Hi @nukiii , thank you for sharing what has been going on for you at home, it must be really difficult to experience this fighting between your parents. You acknowledged that you may be more "privileged" than others but this does not take away from the fact that you are still able to feel anxious, stressed and hurt about what is going on around you.
You seem to be very in-tune and aware of what is happening, I'm interested to hear if you might try and have a conversation with one or both of them about how their fighting is making you feel? It is very strong of you to recognise that they need "love/care", but you also need this!
I hope things begin to get better for you at home 🙂
Things are actually a lot better! A lot of the time the little disagreements are very temperamental, so I am not sure when they will happen. Im just enjoying living in the moment☺️. Thank you for the advice, it makes me feel a alot better. <3333
Hi @nukiii
Maybe if you feel comfortable you should bring it up with one of your parents just so they know that this is affecting you and if not your parents then maybe someone close to you? It's never a great feeling holding this in and it's great that you have reached out
thank you for replying, but i don't know if i should bring it up. i am starting to realise that i am not responsible for their occasional fights, but just reaching out to you guys makes me feel better <333
That's totally fine. I'm so glad it makes you feel better to let it out! If you need someone to talk to about it I'm happy to listen 🙂
Hey @nukiii ,
I'm glad to hear it feels better even just sharing this with someone here.
Perhaps it is about finding the right time to speak to them - i doesn't have to be done right at this moment.
May this link may help 5 ways to get your parents to really listen to you-to-you or How to deal with your parents fighting all the time
Hope to hear from you soon.
Hey! Thank you for the help and links. Things are a lot better, if you read my reply down below theres more info. It is very true, I just need to find the right time to eventually speak to them. They are adults after all, and they still love each other. Again, thank you!
Hi @nukiii welcome to the forums, we're really glad to have you with us. Thank you for sharing your story with us, it sounds really intense for you at the moment so it's good that you've decided to seek some support. Seems that this situation is really having a pretty big impact on you and your family, especially the really up and down nature of your mum's behaviour. It does sound like your parents love you very much, and you just want them to be happy together.
Do you have much support outside of your family? A trusted friend or perhaps a counsellor or someone you could talk to about what you're going through? A good place to start might be to have a chat with the lovely folks over at Kids Helpline. Being able to vent freely and feel heard can make a world of difference.
It sounds like you're doing your best to be supportive and caring for them, which is really incredible. But it can get really overwhelming if you're coping with it all on your own. Do you think your parents know how much this is affecting you? It sounds like they could use some support of their own too, do you think they'd be open to counselling or something like that?
We also have a couple resources you might find helpful to read through, for some insights and coping tools -
How to deal with your parents fighting all the time
Or have a read through more articles here.
I hope that even just talking about it here with us can help you to feel less alone in this situation, and of course we will do our best to support you along the way.
to be honest, their fights aren't that extreme so i don't think counselling is very necessary, although i do really wish they would just communicate more and in a more healthy way. thank you for the articles, i gave them a read through and they are really helpful, and have made me realise i am not responsible for their fights. right now everything is good and these are one of those times where they get along great, i love them so much:) thank you, just talking about it and getting advice makes me feel a lot better. its just that sometimes my brain makes me feel like there is something wrong with me, although i know in my heart that its not true. things are going better, and i know they love each other very much. the perfect way to describe it is that they bring out the worst in each other. as long as they take care of each other and i care for them, things will be alright, im glad to have them. sorry if i am overstating that fact, but its true^^
again, thank you<3
Hi @nukiii
It's great to see that you are trying to have a positive perspective on things despite the hardships you guys are currently experiencing. It's important to keep reminding yourself of the love you have within your family during times like these.
I just wanted to check in to see how things were going? 💙
Hi! Thank you so much for replying, there are truly kind people on this forum<3. In terms of how things are gping, its actually going pretty well. They do get annoyed at each other sometimes, but I am able to get past that because that just happens. I have learnt that a lot of healthy relationships mean being able to argue a little. I know when it comes to they will always love and be there for each other. Thank you a lot for replying, I feel so happy reading this. I am going quite well, how are things for you?
Hi @nukiii
Thank you for getting back to me, and I apologize for my delayed responses. It's been a busy season of studying for me, but now am on a little break so things are great - thanks for asking.
Im so glad to hear that you are doing well and that you have been feeling happy as of late. Family can be a tricky thing sometimes, so it's also really good to hear that you have learned more about relationships and have better insight into the situation.
I hope you have a wonderful week! 💙
It is so great to hear you have found a place to connect with people on these forums. We look forward to hearing how things go for you.
Please take care.