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4am Negative thoughts / reflections

For the past two years I have been feeling sadness in the back of my mind, and it all comes to the centre of my mind now and then.

 

The first thing I've been thinking about is my mum

I'm 18 and I live with my mum who has brought me up all her on her own with no father figure and no family support.  She is a great mum who looked after me with so much care and she still does.  She has lived a tough life and she's now come to the menopausal time in her life which makes her really moody and frustrated and she seems to tell me off  so frequently and we end up getting into annoying arguments. Especially now that the corona virus is going on we are together at home and her angry energy makes me feel low. I do talk to her about these things but I don't think that there's anyway I can make it better. I was just wondering ways of how I can help this situation and keep a good state of mind when things like this do happen.

 

Thanks so much to anyone who helps out ❤

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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

The second thing that has taken a toll on how I feel a lot is my ex partner, it was my first relationship and it lasted from 2017-2019 in high school. We had quite a good relationship from the start but toward the end we kind of drifted apart,  but it was more him drifting away from me and then me feeling sort of resentment for it. He ended up telling me he loved another girl who was in our class, and that he loved her ever since he saw her basically..  He just never acted upon it. After this we tried being friends but it was all too sensitive, I stayed talking to him on and off throughout the last year of high school (which was a rollercoaster of emotions for me).. Anyways after graduating I thought that's it,  I'm gonna get on with my life and move on from it, I got a job and started college and I got to know a few knew people too. I've had good laughs and made some good memories since then. 

But the breakup still lingers in my mind and I'm scared that it always will until I find another relationship. Which I really don't want to have to rely on another relationship to fully move on from it,  I know I need a lot of self development to do on my own but I have that desire to feel companionship and just a genuine bond with someone. I talked to my ex about a month ago again and I don't want to be with him at all anymore but I think the fact that he loved someone else really lowered my self esteem cause I don't feel pretty, or smart or as calm as the girl he liked. I just want to know how to handle things when thoughts about it come flooding to my mind again.

 

Thanks so much to anyone who read this and anyone who gives me advice..  This is a no filter 5am mind dump.

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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Hey @Symphony7 , 

 

It sounds like you and your mum have a really special relationship, she sounds like an amazing woman raising you with not much other support from family or a partner. 

 

It sounds like the current situation with COVID-19 has added quite a lot of stress for you guys, it's been a huge change for so many of us to adjust to, especially now a lot of us are now spending far more time at home than ever before, missing our usual social connections and activities, and adjusting to big changes like working from home. It's really understandable that tempers may be fraying, and you're definitely not alone in experiencing more arguments and tension than usual. 

 

Are you and your mum working from home, or studying at the moment? That can also be a big change to adjust to, especially if both of you are having to share your living space. 

 

We have a lot of great resources on our ReachOut Youth site about coping during coronavirus, the self-care ideas and strategies for coping with uncertainty have been super helpful for me so just thought I'd share those here Smiley Happy 

 

There's also a page here that I thought might be helpful on how to manage conflict at home- it sounds like there's a lot of extra stress at the moment, especially if your mum is experiencing mood swings that can unfortunately come along with menopause. 

 

I'm wondering if there's anything that you guys enjoy doing together, like cooking a meal, or going for a walk? Sometimes it can be helpful to try and schedule in activities that you both enjoy doing together, that can give you something positive to look forward to together. I know a lot of our community have been through some similar challenges with their families and a lot of us are navigating massive changes to how our home lives look during these weird times - be kind to yourself, you sound like a really caring daughter, and hopefully as you both get used to the new normal, things may settle down a bit as well. 

 

 

__________

Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Hey @Symphony7 , just read both your posts and I’m sorry to hear about how you’re feeling. 

i can definitely empathise with the ex boyfriend situation - I know that it can take time to move on properly and build self esteem back. I’m sorry that you had to experience being told about another girl, I can’t imagine how painful that must have been to hear. It’s great that you feel you have moved on from him now, but as you mentioned you may not have moved on from the actual situation.

I think it’s great that you are able to self reflect and have insight into why you may be feeling certain ways. It’s very helpful to be able to then see what you can work on. This can be hard to do alone, however, where the contribution of a psychologist can be really helpful. I was definitely in a rut for quite some time after my long term relationship ended, but my going to a psychologist I started to build confidence and feel ready for love again, which I have since gained. Do you see one or would you consider seeing a psychologist? 
Additionally, having friends around you that build you up, and maybe reading daily self affirmations might be able to help build your confidence again.

 

With what you’re experiencing at home with your mum, I think @Janine-RO has given some great advice. 😊

 

I hope you’re doing okay ❤️

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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Helloo @Janine-RO @ thank you so much for the response, it really a big help �
I feel like there has always been this tension, even before the COVID19 situation arose. But I think now it's getting to me a bit more because we are in the house together almost 24/7 now.
I am studying from home at the moment, and my mum doesn't work because she has a PTSD from her childhood events. I think that makes it a lot harder for her because she is going through menopause on top of the PTSD.

We do enjoy a lot of things together we go to our local park together, we run errands together, we eat together and we talk about things together too. We do have a good relationship but she is really easily ticked off and argues with me everyday. & she sometimes brings up things I am insecure about while arguing with me.

I think the solution is for me to change how I react to it and not take it so much to heart when she does argue with me, kind of stay in my own zone and instead of feeding the argument just let it go. Do you think that this is what I should do?

I also hope you're doing fine during this uncertain time Smiley Happy I will definitely check out the links. Thank you for all that you do on the site!

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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Hello😊 @liv1611
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond, it really makes me feel so abnormal sometimes but it really helps to know I'm not alone in these situations.
I considered going to a psychologist or counsellor when I was going through the breakup, but I don't really feel comfortable seeing one and I kind of have it in my mind to just get through it myself - which is probably why it's been harder. I will definitely consider it now though and I'm really glad to hear that it's helped you.

I have a few good friends, and I'm so grateful for them because they are so great. But sometimes I still feel alone because I don't think I've found a best friend that has a lot in common with me yet. I will also start reading some daily affirmations.

Thank you so much and I hope you stay safe 😊❤ your response has given me a lot more confidence that I can get through this.
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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Hey @Symphony7 

 

I just caught up on your thread. How much you love your mum really comes across in your posts, which is lovely to see. Thinking of not feeding the argument also shows how mature you are. I personally think that that's a great idea. Sometimes the best thing to do is to take a step back, take some deep breaths, and let things go - I found this easier to do as I got older.

 

I think your mum being argumentative is more a reflection of how she's feeling, rather than having anything to do with you, so I think you're on the money when you say you shouldn't take it to heart Heart.

 

In terms of your ex - you are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Rejection is part of life. If I were to take I guess, I would say every adult in this world has been rejected by someone at least once. I also do not think it's unusual that it still lingers in your mind. Sometimes people or situations leave an impression on us, and that's okay. I've literally been through everything you've mentioned and have had similar thoughts. It sounds like you are blaming yourself for the breakup (telling yourself you aren't as pretty or calm enough as the other girl), which can be extremely easy to do but it's probably not the best for you. It might help if you tell yourself "well, we just didn't work out" or "oh well, there's nothing wrong with me, we just aren't the right fit for each other." Or it might be good to ask yourself "what have I learnt from this?" and focus on the positives. Rejection is hard, but we all go through it, and I truly think it is something you can work through Smiley Happy.

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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

Hii @Maddy-RO , thank you so much for the response it means a lot & it really does help. I'll remember it anytime I'm in the gist of my thoughts and I think it will make it very much easier for me to get passed them. & I'm hoping that with time it stops lingering in my mind and that things with my mum get better.

Thank you for all that you and the team do on this site. It was my first time opening up on here and I really don't regret it Smiley Happy
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Re: 4am Negative thoughts / reflections

My pleasure!

 

I'm super glad to hear that ReachOut has been such a positive experience for you. We're always happy to listen and provide support, and love when our users find it beneficial Heart.

 

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