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A really odd feeling
Lately I've been feeling pretty odd, and don't really know how to describe it, so this post may end up being a bit of a ramble.
I'm currently in year 12, and as you'd imagine (or remember, if you've already gone through it,) it's pretty hectic. Not only are studies suddenly more important, but there's a greater weight on improving your personal lives, to prepare for independent living, and so far I've been lacking in both areas. I've been procrastinating way more than I ever have, and when I used to realised this, or contrast myself with classmates way ahead of me, I'd usually break down. Though this term I've not felt that anymore, even though I've pulled three all nighters in 3 subjects. That's not to say that I'm more optomistic though, rather, I've just felt really hollow and guilty. I don't really have a social life, and do struggle with being lonely, though the struggle is worse some days, and easily tolerable in others. I am really greatful to have friends that enjoy my company, though I don't hang out with them outside of school.
I've repeated the same procedure of procrastinate, feel guilty for it, work on an assignment or prepare for a test in the last minute, then feel disappointed afterwards, and I've been really lost in this loop. I feel insignificant with my classmates, who've improved drastically, though I'm trying my best to at least interact more with people and be less isolated than in my previous years. It is pretty difficult to do so, since I constantly overthink the slightest shift in other people's mood and body language when I interact with them. I know that I might be wrong, but the possibility of being right in thinking something absurd is what scares me, which makes no sense as someone that tries to think as objectively as possible.
The odd feeling I'm trying to talk about is when I feel insignificant, guilty, anxious and lonely all at the same time. I usually just think of negative things, that make me feel that way, and I usually do in waves. I might feel anxious for a while, then lonely for another while. At times in the past few weeks, I'd also feel pretty hollow (for a lack of a better word). To just keep my mind off feeling anxious and stuff, I'd browse social media and eat, though both just keep me distracted.
Fortunately I've still got decent metabolism, and try to excercise a bit, so the excessive eating hasn't had unhealthy consequences. I'm also trying ways to counter my dependency on social media with tips from another post I made on this site.
I've known for a long time now that my sleepiness does impact my mood a lot. My poor sleep schedule and sleeping hours, on top of an iron deficiency and an inflamed nose (in my case, a perminantly blocked nose). I can hopefully improve my sleep schedule over time, and do have access to medication for the iron deficiency and inflamed nose.
Comments
Hi @Sky_Bison 💙
It sounds like you have been going through some really tough times and HSC can be really overwhelming for a lot of people. To be honest, I've experienced something similar during my time at HSC where I felt anxious and lonely, and I procrastinated a lot which added to my anxiety and guilt as I wanted to build a good future for myself.
How I got over that cycle was I reevaluated what I spent my time doing, and when I looked at it - I mostly just played games and watched shows and didn't do anything really productive with my time. So I started pushing myself to be more disciplined and start with small things that I know were good for me. I woke up early, I drank more water, I spent more time outside, and I started to do exercise even for brief sessions. These things ended up improving my mental health and even though I was still procrastinating here and there, I ended up spending more time doing things that made my mind and body feel happy.
When you find yourself procrastinating what do you usually get up to? and do you know anything that you can replace that time with that may make you feel more productive (it doesn't even have to be academic-wise)?
I hope you're okay and that you find your way through this.
Hey @Sky_Bison ,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience on the forums. I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling anxious, hollow, insignificant and guilty. Year 12 can be a very stressful and overwhelming time, both due to the workload, and what you describe as the pressure to prepare for independent living. You've mentioned that sleepiness impacts your mood quite a bit, so maybe this might be something to work on first that could have a big impact on your mood? I also find that a lack of sleep greatly affects my mood and anxiety. Some things that sometimes help me get enough rest when I am in a stressful situation is to set a goal for how many hours of sleep a night I would like to get, and then working my work schedule around this so that my sleep is not impacted (i.e. treating my sleep as non-negotiable). Then, I set my wake up & go to sleep time the same for each night (e.g. if I want 8 hours of sleep a night, I try to make sure that I am in bed by 11 pm each night, and set my alarm for 7 am each morning). Prior to going to bed, I would also consider finishing up work at least an hour beforehand, so that it's not playing on my mind when I fall asleep. In that hour, you can spend some time doing some self care to relax yourself before going to sleep. For example, meditating, taking a relaxing bath, or drawing - whatever you enjoy! What are some things that you enjoy doing for self-care?
I was also wondering whether you have a study schedule, or would like to create one to help address procrastination? The Pomodoro technique mentioned by @Anonymous below seems particularly useful. Creating a daily timetable for my workload and splitting study into small chunks helps me to feel less overwhelmed by assignments and study. It's also a useful way of blocking out time for social activities, family, leisure and self-care, which may help address the feelings of loneliness that you are experiencing. While study and the HSC may seem to be the most salient task and goal at the moment, engaging in leisure or social activities that you find relaxing and rewarding are just as important as study. It's also important to reward yourself for all the work that you've been putting in during such a stressful year! What are some things that you find helpful to unwind and relax?
I hope that you find some of these tips useful. Please feel welcome to post on the forums any time, as we are all here for you 💙
Hi @Sky_Bison thank you for sharing with us today.
I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling hollow and guilty. That's a really horrible way to feel. I can hear that there is a lot going on for you at the moment, from the stresses of year 12, thinking about your future and even managing all these new feelings. It's a lot to be dealing with right now. So I was just wondering if there is someone you might feel comfrtable talking to about everything that's going on? It could be the school counsellor or even just a trusted friend or family member.
If you are interested at all, we have a number of articles on year 12 that may be worth a read, including how to manage school stress and even one on burnout.
I can hear that you're carrying around a lot of heavy feelings, like guilt for example, which can wear you out. So I think it's important to focus on some of the positives here, like how much time and effort you have already put in this year. That is a lot to manage and so far you have suruvived it all! It's definitely important to take a moment to acknowledge just what we have achieved and how far we've come. Is there maybe something nice you could do for yourself to help you feel a bit better? We also have some great articles on Self-Care that might be able to give you some ideas on what you can do. Just remember that you're important too.
We're all here for you 💜
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