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Alone and depressed

Hi all, I only just discovered this site this morning and after reading some peoples posts I felt I had to post myself.  Right now the only feelings I feel are lonliness and depression.  Let me explain a little more.

 

I am 23 years old and the only friend I have is in a loving relationship with his girlfriend and I hardly ever get to see him any more.  Up until 2 weeks ago I was with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years.  Those 4 years were the only time I haven't felt lonely in my life.  She was my world but now she has left me for someone else.  Things went downhill in our relationship about a year ago when my mother passed away from cancer.  It is a pain that I have never dealt with and maybe I put too much pressure on my girlfriend so she had to get out.

 

She has moved on with someone else and is happy and I have been left alone.  I don't even see the point of getting out of bed, the only thing that gets me up is writing bad posts on my blog.  Even then no one really reads them.  I don't know what the point is anymore, I really don't.  My dad has been fighting his fight with cancer since I was 18 and he is still very sick.  I am scared to lose anyone close to me.  I told my girlfriend that and her response was that she was leaving me.

 

I just don't know what to do any more.  Thankyou if anyone actually reads what I have to say.

Re: Alone and depressed

Hey KiethH, 

 

First off, welcome to ReachOut, I do hope you'll stick around Smiley Happy

 

It is great of you to speak up and, well, reach out on the forums because we are always ready to help. I don't have much experience with relationships and such but I'll try. 

Maybe try going out to the movies with your friend. If he is really your friend then he'll come. And, if you feel comfortable, tell him about how you are feeling because the least he can do is listen to you. It is always better to get everything out in the open rather than keeping them inside. Whether you tell it to a friend or family member or online services it's up to you. Some places that have both online, web chat or email services are eheadspace or lifelineKidshelpline might be of help to you, as the ages are up to 25 but there are many more out there that can help. 

Do you live in a place that allows pets? Getting a mate like a dog, cat, bird or rodent might help ease those lonely feelings. If they are treated right, they really do become your best mate. They can cheer you up and will listen to you. 

 

It's not easy feeling lonely but it'll pass because you're not ever really alone. There is always someone out there who cares. You might not even know them but there will always be someone, at least one person, who cares.

 

N1ghtW1ng.

Re: Alone and depressed

Thankyou for the response.  I did talk to someone but nothing is making me feel better.  I have never been a confident person my whole life but I feel guilty for feeling depressed because I didn't have a hard childhood and I had every option avaliable to me.  I feel guilty about my trivial issues but I am just not confident with people.  I have no real friends.  I gave up everything I had for my girlfriend.  I gave up the few friends I did have and the chance to go to uni when I was younger and meet people my own age just so I could have a job to support us.  My life was literally work, sleep and her.  Now she is gone, I don't have a job and I can't sleep.  I can't keep everything I kept inside any more.  It is too much.

Re: Alone and depressed

I think that the first step is looking for a new job. Go around the place and hand out your resume, you're bound to get some interviews. And even if nothing happens for awhile, don't stop. Look online for job opportunities even if they are only for one week or two. 

Perhaps you could try applying for university again? Or maybe you could travel for a bit, gather yourself, and return prepared for another go. 

 

Don't feel guilty for being depressed. Depression can come from anywhere and comes to anyone. You don't have to be confident, you just need to be brave. Push through it. This doesn't mean you try and go up to someone and talk to them directly. Take small steps. If you're at the shops, speak to the cashier, ask them about their day. Build up your confidence so that you will be ready for anything when it comes.

Re: Alone and depressed

It's okay to feel depressed. If it's important to you then it doesn't matter what others think. I don't think theres such a thing as a trivial matter. We decide what's important. 

 

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation, it sounds very painful to have your life change all of a sudden. I think it will take some time before you get used to your new role as a single person and grief the loss of your old life.

 

Now is also the time where you can do what you want to do. Work if you want to, for yourself and not for someone else. You could even reconsider university options. You had the chance to go once, I'm sure if you wanted to you could make it happen again.

 

As for making friends, it's up to you to decide if you want friends.

 

It sounds painful to keep everything inside, my best advice is to keep getting it out and talking about it. Call Lifeline 13 11 14 and tell them about it, write about it, tell a counsellor about it. I think it's better out than in. 

 

Who knows, maybe slowly you'll start to feel better.

Re: Alone and depressed

Hey KeithH,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, it's definitely not an easy time. I know what it's like to have someone close to you with cancer, it's definitely an emotional roller coaster, and not easy to face alone.

Maybe a good way to get things going again is to make yourself a routine, or schedule for each day. Make little goals for yourself to complete everyday, for example, maybe set aside a time each day to go to the gym, go for a walk, or even a swim would be a good idea. You could start a new project.. maybe painting the house, rearranging your room, learning a new language or writing a novel.

 

Joining a sporting club, community group or weekly class of some sort would be a great idea too. That way you could begin to interact with the community and get to know people. Volunteering could be an option as well.

 

Seeing someone about your situation might help too, whether it's seeking online help or seeing a professional face to face, they might help you get a new perspective, or help you set up a routine, or just be someone you can vent to. 

 

If you feel up to it, university is still an option, there you can join social groups, which might be beneficial, and you can start working towards your dream job.

 

I hope some of my suggestions help, and I hope things get easier for you.

I know things are hard and everything may seem pointless, but you can get through this.
Show the world how strong you are and how brave you can be, even when things seem their darkest. 

Re: Alone and depressed

Great advice, @Rhelna. Routine is so, so important. You need distractions, something to keep you occupied...
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Re: Alone and depressed

ahh memories i pretty much posted the exact same thing the first time i ever went on reach out .

 

i know it sucks at the moment and im not gonna say its gonna be fine immediately . four years is a long time

espicially as a teenager and being in your early 20's. because its the time when you are defining who you are as a person

and you might feel like there is no way out and that life is pointless . but its 100 percent not true

 

its time to redefine who you are . youve closed one chapter of your life with your ex girlfriend but its time to make a new chapter

Re: Alone and depressed

Hey KeithH, Welcome to Ro.com.

Life is a rough and bendy footpath isn't it, but lucky their are so many paths for us too take.
Words can't express just how sorry I am that you have lost your mum, I truely could not contemplate how hard that would be.
Fortunately, I'm glad you've found us and your welcome with open arms. Your a strong person to open up and tell us about yourself.

Everyone is throwing around so many great ideas for you to try. I suppose my words of wisdom is to try something new and out of the ordinary.
For me, I was struggling finding my peace of mind whilst being a stay at home mum and partner being at work. So, I applied for courses and well, now I'm here.

I suppose we never know what each path holds for us, but I know you'll be standing strong at what ever new adventure and experience comes at you.
" Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"

Re: Alone and depressed

Hey KeithH,

 

There is some fantastic advice and a lot of people who care about how things turn out for you right here on the forums. It takes some courage to speak up about this and acknowledging these feelings is the first step to changing them.

Nobody chooses to feel depressed and you shouldn't feel guilty about it, you've been through a really tough time! You have the support of everyone here at Reach Out.

Perhaps you could look at your situation as an opportunity to create a new path and find out what you really want to do with your life Smiley Happy 

 

Here's a link with some info that might help http://au.reachout.com/Self-help-strategies-to-overcome-depression