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Feeling down all the time

Hey,

 

I am a university student, currently studying my first year. I am staying with my boyfriend and we are comfortable with each other. The problem is that, we often feel down. It is not about any relationship problems, because we often have deep conversations and both of us are certain that we love each other and we want to have a life together. But the thing is that we hate what we are doing now, we love the outdoor, we always talks about having adventures. However, university assignments tied us down. I am studying Psychology and he is studying Pharmacology in a different university.

 

I am an Asian girl so I can't choose what I want in life. I am forced to study something I hate, because my parents wants me to be successful. I hate that I can't choose what I want in life. My parents and I are not close, I rarely see my father as a child as he work in another country and he dislike children. In addition, my mother have mutiple affairs so she would often go out on dates and neglect me and my sibling. I was never happy when I was with my family as they are arrogant. My mother love to bloast about my father's job, and she love indulging in luxuries. I often try talking to my parents in hope that we will form a bond. However, after many futile efforts, I gave up.

 

I always wanted to do volunteer work such as buliding houses and schools. I want to help organisations like Greenpeace, World Wildlife Fund to protect the environment and the animals. However, my parents wouldn't let me. They believed that those activities are unworthy. My boyfriend encourage me to give it a try. My boyfriend love the miltary and however, he is unable to join the army because my parents wouldn't let me be with anyone who is not successful. Hence, he is also forced to study. I feel bad because of my parents, my boyfriend can't do something he wants. 

 

I'm sorry about this long rant. But I really need help, sometimes I feel that there's nothing in life to feel happy about. I can never be free from my parents' control. I know I have no rights to complain or whine because there are many out there who are less fortunate than me. I wish I could help them...

Re: Feeling down all the time

@ChocolateKitten I'm sorry to hear its been tough for you. It really does suck if you parents force you to study what you do not want to do. It also sucks when you can't form a close bond to them. It's alright to vent, no matter how big or small out problems are, they are still problems. You can't really make comparisions. 

 

It's great to hear your boyfriend really cares about you. It's not fair your parents are putting so much pressure on him too. 

 

Is there someone you could talk to about this? Maybe they could help you gain more freedom from your parents. Do you have an Aunt or know a trusted adult or perhaps a counsellor at Uni? Maybe you could get guidence from them. 

 

Hope it gets better. Stay strong Smiley Happy

Re: Feeling down all the time

Thanks for understanding my problem Smiley Happy I had been looking for someone to help me. You made my day Smiley Happy

Re: Feeling down all the time

Hello @ChocolateKitten,

Welcome to ReachOut. I'm sorry to hear that you and your boyfriend are both feeling like you're not able to choose your own path. In case it helps you, here's a fact sheet which might help you try to reconcile your parents values and your own:

Conflict between family and culture.

There's also a ReachOut fact sheet with tips on managing conflict with your parents:

Family conflict with parents.

Do you have friends who have been through this with their parents? Would it help you to talk to a friend or maybe an older cousin who could advise you on how they handled their parents expectations and if they have tips on how to forge your own path in terms of your study or career?

Your comment about wanting to do volunteer work made me think that you might be able to explain to your parents that employers highly value volunteer experience these days (and many large companies such as banks have their own CSR (corporate social responsibility) departments which work at ways of allowing the business (and its employees) to give back to the community, sometimes by volunteering. There are also a lot of high achieving female CEOs in the non-profit sector - it is an area where the glass ceiling has been broken down for women!

Maybe you could convince your parents to let you use a uni holiday to do some volunteering, and that could open the door to further volunteer work - or a career change later on?

 

Good luck!

blithe

Re: Feeling down all the time

Hey @ChocolateKitten 

Your situation sounds very intense. However it is great to hear you and your boyfriend are great supports for one and other.

Studying can be so hard, when its something you arent completely into however something like psychology is good becasue there are alots of different avenues you can go down depending on what you like- and not everyone knows that. 

 

In terms of your volunteer work that you aspire to do is there anything you can do locally that would be manageable for you to do? Theres often lots of information on local council websites its a great way to get your foot in the door.

 

E