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Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717,

 

It sounds like you are working through a lot at the moment Heart You've mentioned it's hard to talk about things, but reading through your posts I feel you have articulated what the things are for you and the place they have in your life. 

 

Completely understand that helplines aren't helpful for you, everyone is so unique and I know from the last year and half chatting with you that you have tried so many different services and approaches, and have such a good understand of what doesn't work for you.

 

It has been really lovely to read your support @Bananatime04@Eden1717 the community will be around this weekend (there have been tons of people around this week) if you need to put the thoughts, words or feelings down in writing, or for a vent in a space where you know you will be heard Heart

 

Hope your errands go okay today, I always tend to put errands off too but feels good when I finally get to them!

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Bananatime04  Thanks 

@Jess1-RO  I do want to put thoughts and feelings down but I literally can’t 

 

I don’t know what is wrong with me at this point I tried to get up and I couldn’t even do that I couldn’t even finish getting dressed. I am supposed to be traveling this afternoon and I haven’t packed or gone to the chemist or got the food to take with me and I need to be studying for a test I have to do at the end of the week and I feel like I am about to cry but nothing is coming out and instead I keep just feeling like I am about to pass out only like mentally not physically and I can’t organize myself to do anything I am just laying in bed half in pjs and half in clothes and I feel heavy and the other stuff I can’t talk about it really difficult and I just don’t know what to do I feel like I can’t move or speak or I am trying but I can’t do it and I don’t know why I can’t get up it isn’t like because of being sad I am not sad I just feel yucky but like mentally and I feel like my head isn’t connecting to my body this cannot be happening right now I don’t have the freaking time for this right now. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hi @Eden1717,

 

I am so sorry to hear how the mid part of your day has been- that heaviness sounds really hard right now. You've mentioned you were travelling this afternoon, and it is a few hours since this post, how are you feeling at the moment? Did the heaviness lift at all, or still there?

 

"I can’t move or speak or I am trying but I can’t do it and I don’t know why I can’t get up it isn’t like because of being sad I am not sad I just feel yucky but like mentally and I feel like my head isn’t connecting to my body.." This sounds like such a painful feeling Heart Sending a digital hug your way from the community!

 

ghost hug GIF

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Jess1-RO  I managed to get where I needed to go but now I haven’t slept all night it is hot and I hate the heat and I have no private space to go if I need to. I am already so stressed and I feel terrible and I am not coping with anything and I feel like I am going to explode and this trip is just going to be stressful and I am so tired and I really don’t know what to do anymore i just can’t take this I want to yell at everyone. 

Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717

That sounds really difficult, and super understandable that you feel like your under pressure, and that you feel like you want to explode. It can be very difficult when we are trapped in a situation where we feel like we don't have agency. I am glad to see you were able to put some of your feelings into words, and make a post on the forum It might be a good idea to keep accessing the forum throughout the day to keep jotting down how you feel, and allow yourself some space to process these emotions. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Andrea-RO  I am so freakin fed up! It is still ridiculously hot it is like 175% humidity and the person who house I am at refuses to have the fan or air con on all night even though it is 30 degrees! I didn’t sleep because it was too fucking to sleep last night so it has been over 24 hours no sleep and I won’t be able to sleep again tonight. Plus they keep leaving their door wide open which means I keep getting mosquito bites which drive me crazy and I have no way to cool down because of freaking water restrictions so I can’t even have a long enough shower to cool down. I am so anxious and exhausted I can’t even cry alone in my room at night because I don’t have my own room which also makes it incredibly hard to sleep. I cannot relax I cannot rest and I feel really bad.  I am trying but even sitting is uncomfortable because the seat warms up and you get hot. My ocd is super intense and I really just can’t keep this up I am so tired and I am supposed to be studying for a test but I can’t because I am too hot and too tired. I don’t know what to do. 

 

All of the other stuff just keeps getting harder to deal with. I still cannot talk about it. I am still constantly on the verge of a panic attack and I really don’t know what to do this time. I am not coping I know that but there is nothing I or anyone else can do to make it better. And I cannot afford to not be coping. I am so fucking tired right now.

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Re: I am having a hard time

Great just fucking great now I am laying in bed trying to cry as quietly as possible so that the person next to me doesn’t wake up, and typing on here to try and force myself to stop crying. I don’t know why I said I could do this trip. I already wasn’t ok and now I am really not coping well at all. Now I really cannot sleep. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717

It sounds like you had a really uncomfortable night (In fact uncomfortable feels like it would be an understatement). How did you go with coping this morning and this afternoon?

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Re: I am having a hard time

@Andrea-RO  not very well i am just exhausted still haven't slept much and i am just very idk i dont feel right i am just really having a lot of trouble. 

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Re: I am having a hard time

Hey @Eden1717, that sounds like a really uncomfortable way to feel. It sounds like you haven't been able to sleep much these past few nights. Are you feeling any better today? Heart