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Re: Guilt, life, relationships... WTF?

hey there @the_poet - first off - just wanted to let you know that the way you have written about potentially triggering topics has been done in a sensitive and thoughtful and totally within our guidelines so well done for that (for your info, speaking about numbers, specific weights and the methods of eating disorders or the methods of attempting suicide is whats triggering - speaking about them in general terms is totally fine and encouraged - its important that we talk about this stuff).


Second, it's great that youa re here and talking to us. Being the sole supporter of someone who is suicidal is too much - you need to share the burden. I understand that confidentiality is important so did you know the Suicide Call Back Service supprots people like you that are supporting someone else? You can text-chat or call them anytime to talk about your support of your suicidal parent. I really encourage you to do that - it's too big of an ask for you to carry this on your own.


Especially when you have your own mental health issues to cope with. I have a feeling that your confidence and  feelings of self-worth issues are affected regardless of whether you contine to see the person with a partner or not. It's something you might have to address, as it might be part of depression and even if your relationship does turn platonic, you may find your inner voice find something else to criticise you about. It's pretty common with depression.


Are you getting support from a professional for your depression? Did you knnow about e-couch and moodgym? They are online therapeutic tools that can help you address your mental health. Let me know what you think of them.


I'm sure there will be many others that are going to jump in here and reply - but in the meantime keep having a look around the forums.


Keep reaching out

Online Community Manager

Re: Guilt, life, relationships... WTF?

@the_poet  welcome to reachout


You will get through this


I'm a little confused as I'm seeing some real juxtapositions here? Firstly, let me say really well done on building yourself back up following anorexia.  That shows serious strength, determination and guts! Awesome awesome work.

As such, I'm wondering how this situation with the affair is causing such a problem? You need to understand your role in this, not play the victim and make a decision. It is encouraging that you do feel guilt, as this displays that you have a strong moral compass.  Guilt is your conscience telling you that it disagrees with what you have done and this is an excellent opportunity to develop and mature further - by making a decision to learn from your experience.  While you feel it is not good that you were with this person while she had a partner, it is an excellent opportunity for you to learn and develop as a person.

As it pertains to people finding out, that is beyond your control and goes with the territory of what has happened.


Focus on the things you can control. 


You've displayed some great qualities, but you've made a mistake.  All humans make mistakes and nobody is perfect.  Don't beat yourself up for it, experience some healthy regret, make a decision and move on. Part of maturation is accepting that you aren't perfect


You have an awesome opportunity right now to find alternate coping mechanism to losing weight.  I know anorexia is not about being skinny as much as it is about coping and having a sense of control, and I believe you are made of much tougher stuff than you credit yourself with and you will find another way to cope.  The fact that you managed to build yourself back up from being anorexic once before is a huge testament to this.


Finally, regarding you parents, well done on how you have handled the situation thus far - you've done an outstanding job! However, once again I'd like to restate to focus on what you can control.  Continue to be supportive but understand that they will ultimately make their own decisions.


I really hope things work out for you and I believe that you have the strength to make some mature decisions.  Stay strong



Re: Guilt, life, relationships... WTF?

hey @the_poet 

thanks for posting

that seems like a lot to deal with at once!

I agree with Soph that you shouldnt have to deal with this alone

What do you think about calling suicide call back service or even lifeline when you need to chat?


Moving states is exciting! how come you are moving? try and think of the adventure more than the stress!