Just asking for a bit of support
I'm a recovering drug addict, I stopped using at the beginning of the year and just dealing with depression and anxiety atm. The past couple of weeks have been really good, I'm studying, I'm making progress in therapy and getting to know and love myself alot more and feeling good about myself but then the weekend happened, I came home from work (im not happy in my job atm) in a low mood and have been depressed right up until now.
Things that are depressing me are
- my living arrangements, not happy living at home with the parents who don't quite understand depression and often mistake my mental illness for laziness, weakness and always being inconsiderate. My parents like to over-parent me sometimes (im mid 20s!), telling me off for stupid things or caring too much then worrying too much. It's hard to tell them to back off without beginning a conflict I can't handle or hurting their feelings - which will bring on conflict I can't handle
- Because I don't really have an emotionally supportive relationship with my parents I constantly feel like I have to reassure them Im ok and doing well and getting better ( i know they love and care for me) but it just sucks having to put on an act all the time with people I live with.
- my job - i hate it and looking for a new one but sometimes depression just makes me so unmotivated i can't think clearly about how to get a new job that fits in with uni.
- loneliness - this is a big one. I don't have a love life, I have an issue about feeling unloveable which contributes to my anxiety and makes it difficult to meet people. Although this is slowly changing, my anxiety levels are high because i am beginning to talk to people I like.
I also wish I had more friends that were like me but find it difficult because I think no one will like me because i had a drug problem and still issues im working through 😞
- University and my weeks have been getting busier and that takes up a lot of my time so it's hard to think about how to solve the things that are depressing me.
I've just spent alot of time overthinking things and feeling sad in bed, missing appts, pushing uni aside and hiding from life . 😞 Then feeling bad for falling down when the past couple of weeks I was really doing well. I feel like I'm drowning again.
Comments
Hey @Kristy21,
Firstly I just want to say congratulations. I know you might think why? But seriously, stopping use is a huge achievement and you should give yourself the credit you deserve for that. It really sounds like your beginning to re-discover yourself and develop some respect and love for yourself as well. And you are getting therapy which is always helpful to help deal with situations better. It's also a really positive thing that you have work in your life, even if you really hate your job at the moment, what is your dream job? Is this related to what your studying atm?
I'm sorry to hear that your strugglig with feelings of depression, is there one thing that is causing the most impact for you at the moment? All of the things youve talked about in your post seem to be very situational. By that, I mean to say that your environment is what's impacting your mood. Does it make you feel a little more positively about the future knowing that this could be a means to an end?
It must be so difficult that your parents don't understand the impact of mental illness, maybe they don't want to think of you as being sad or unhappy with life. Let me tell you that you are NOT lazy and you are NOT weak. You are such a STRONG person! You have overcome drugs and are trying to get back to who you used to be. Your parents may not want to acknowledge that it is a long healing process, and that you have to rebuild aspects of your life, such as friendships which you have mentioned. They are probably so strict on you purely out of love and worry. - They really care about what happens to you, they probably just don't know how to show it. I had a similar situation with my parents, related to a different matter, and they were so super strict it was unbearable, but one thing my parents always said was this, "no one gives you a manual on how to parent." Which is true, but it doesn't make things easier for you I know.
You've mentioned that your relationship with your parents is not emotionally supportive, and also that you have to put on an act all the time. Do you think that being 100% honest would benefit your relationship and help develop trust to rebuild the bonds which have been lost? It could be something as simple as saying, "Hey Mum, I just need to let you know that I'm struggling a bit today. Can I have a hug?" Or trying to rebuild your relationship in other ways like having a coffee together at your favourite coffee shop?
What is it about your job that you hate the most? It's still really great that you have job which can help provide structure. Did you know that there have been studies done to show that students with part-time jobs perform better at school/uni?
Lonliness can make it feel like your in a world of darkness. I'm sorry that you feel this way. Do you think that meeting people you like is causing you to be more anxious because your worried about the friendships not working out? Do you think that people will already know about what happened? Or is there something else that is worrying you?
You've also menitoned that University is getting busy and that you can't spend the time to think about the things that are bugging you. Do you think that having a distraction from your mind by focussing your energy on study could be beneficial to you? Do you think this could help reduce overthinking things?
From reading your post, it sounds like you could benefit a little from some self kindness. Come and say hello on this thread. Do 2 things for yourself everyday, and then come and tell us what you did. It could be having a cup of tea, standing in the sun for 5 minutes, doing some chores to reduce the chance of getting stressed later, beginning an assignment, doing some exercise etc... you get the idea. Hopefully, doing this will continue building your self respect and love.
We are here to help, let us know how you go.
Lahna
Hi @Kristy21,
It sounds like you're struggling to keep yourself afloat at the moment. There's just so much going on for you right now- it must be so draining to try and deal with everything all at once!
I did hear a couple of positives amongst everything that's getting you down though. I think it's so awesome that you are challenging yourself to meet new people, and although it feels really scary sometimes, after a while it will get easier and easier 🙂
Remember, it will take some time and small steps to work through all of these issues here.
What is the thing that is hardest for you to cope with right now?
Hi @Kristy21, thanks for sharing all of this. I know it can be hard to openly talk about such personal things and you showed a lot of courage doing so.
It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now and don't feel like you have people around you for support. I know how frustrating it can be living with parents when you're in your 20s. It's sometimes hard for them to view their kids as adults no matter how old they get. And because you're an adult who can decide things for themselves, it can create conflicts when you're in close quarters to parents. Do you have a close friend or other family member you could maybe stay with once a week or so? Giving you a bit of a break if you're getting a bit stressed at home?
Juggling uni and work can be really tough and things can seem quite overwhelming at times. I'm not sure what your classes or work shifts are like, but it's important to take some time out and relax every now and then, so you shouldn't feel bad about taking some 'you' time when you need it. If you're feeling a bit too overburdened with uni, could you speak to a uni counsellor or student services to talk about ways to help?
I'm not sure if you've done so before, but have you contacted support services such as Lifeline, KHL or eheadspace? They're all completely anonymous and have mental health professionals on hand you can speak or webchat with.
Please keep us updated on how you're going and let us know if you have any questions about the support services I mentioned.
