This is a really concerning statement @j95.
Can you remind me, what support are you getting at the moment? I'm asking because whilst I'm keen to explore the reasons behind these thoughts I don't want to compound your distress through simply ruminating on these negative thoughts.
@j95 If that's the case, now is the time to be contacting a helpline. I know you don't feel comfortable doing it, but I really don't want you in harm's way. Do you think you could give it a go?
We're here for you mate, please keep us updated.
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