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Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

All throughout my teenage years, especially from the ages of 12-16, my mum would weekly go into a fit of rage, more generally directed at me, as my little sister is much younger than me and i suppose i was an easier target.

I had never done anything really wrong, sort of things like, not finishing my dinner, or sneaking a cookie or being 'short' with her. It's like she transforms, spit flying from her mouth, absolutely bellowing, i've been called everything from a c*nt to a b*tch. My friends have even witnessed this behaviour numerous times and it's just become the standard.

Only now, as a nineteen year old, have I realised it perhaps consititutes emotional abuse. Afterwards she feels sorry for herself and we won't speak unless I grovel. I recently got my first boyfriend and the other night she called me a f*ckhead in front of him for turning the aircon on.

I suppose I always thought it was fine, because she never hit me. 

She's the only thing that causes me anxiety and I've battled with ED and depression for years. 

Last night we came to blows, and though I'm used to it i'm beginning to fear for my sister. I don't want her to think this behaviour is normal. I don't want her to grow up thinking it's okay.

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

@lemon123 Super sorry to hear about all that you have experienced with your Mother. This is pretty emotionally abusive behaviour, it's an unacceptable way to speak to anyone. I am so glad you are physically safe, you and your sister deserve to feel emotionally nourished, I can imagine it feels super painful having to manage your Mothers low threshold and angry outbursts.

 

Is your boyfriend a good support? This forum will provide some great insights for you, and even though it's anonymous - it is a great community, we're happy to support you through this. Quite a few of us have dealt with abusive parents so can empathise. You sound really switched on and well rounded. Have you ever spoken to a counsellor before? Looking forward to hearing from you Heart

 

 

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

@honky @scared01 @Asche @safari93 what do you think?

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

hey @lemon123, firstly welcome to RO!Smiley Happy

As @Bree-RO has said, it is an unacceptable way to speak to anyone, and I'm so glad you have reached out for support. You deserve the utmost supportSmiley Happy

 

Personally myself, I have also been through emotional abusive behaviour, so can definitely hear how you're feeling. I was very lucky to have a super supportive boyfriend, so it was really nice to have someone to vent/rant to, which I found really helped. I can see that @Bree-RO, has already asked if you're boyfriend is of good support, so will wait for your response. Thinking of youHeart

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

Thanks to both you @Bree-RO and @honky for the replies, what a cool lil forum!

 

My boyfriend is great, a real sensitive and supportive type, and i'm lucky enough to have great friends who have even offered for me to stay with them if need be. I suppose my main issue is just feeling trapped in the house, the other night she took my keys and told me if i left I could never come back. She's very manipulative and has spent the last two days feeling sorry for her, wanting us to repeatedly console her about her behaviour. I plan on moving to the UK next year, which is a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess, but my main fear is leaving my sister, she doesn't have the support network I do and just seems so vulnerable. 

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

hi @lemon123 and welcome to the forums

i can certainly understand your fears. i have experince in emotional abuse from my mother as well. 

i think youve copped the brunt of it tbh, i can understand you being worried about your lil sis though. maybe you could make sure she has friends and family support and keep in contact with her as well and if it gets worse than ask her to see a counsellor. 

i know its extremely stressful though. 

 

**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

Hi lemon123, sounds like you're being a great support for your sister but remember to take care of yourself aswell, we need our tanks to be full to help others Smiley Happy Welcome to RO!
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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

hey @lemon123,  sounds like you're quiet worried for your sister. Have you spoken to your sister about your concerns? Maybe find out some ways that you could support her?

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Re: Regular verbal abuse and I don't know what to do.

Hey @lemon123
I'd really really like to praise you for being such a wonderful sister during all of this. As someone who's done something similar, it's a tough place to be but you're also the strongest person for this.
Unfortunately, this definitely does not sound like a good environment at all for either of you.
I'd suggest that you speak to a counsellor to get some extra support and also see what options you have for yourself and your sister, especially for her if/when you move to the UK.

Have you spoken to your sister about this and what she's been thinking/seeing?