Struggling with heartbreak
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 4 months ago and i havn't been coping well at all. I absolutely adored him and loved him with all my heart. he was my first boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend. we literally did everything together and had such a deep connection, we were so comfortable with each other and i was the happiest, however we argued alot. our fights were really bad and everyone could see, but we got over them eventually and moved on. then he just decided to end it. he completely tore my heart out and turned my world upside down. even though we had broken up he still talked to me and we still saw eachother for months after which i feel was a huge mistake because it just set me up for more heartbreak. recently he cut off communication with me and now im a huge mess. i havn't been the same and i just feel im not the same person and i've lost a huge part of me. i've been so depressed and heartbroken that i'll do anything not to be alone because i hate being by myself now days. everyone expects me to be over it by now but i'm no where near over it. i'll have my good days and they're fine but then i'll have my bad days where i'm completely distraught to the point where i'm balling my eyes out and can't breath or eat. i feel like i'm constantly haunted by him, as stupid as it sounds, i have nightmares about him, our favourite song that is so rare will suddenly play on the radio, a photo of him will fall out of one of my old wallets or i'll just see something that reminds me of him and honestly i'm just exhausted. i really don't know what to do anymore i'm helpless and in so much pain and sadness. i kind of feel like no one really understands how feel, i really want to help myself but i feel like nothing's working. advice please?
Comments
Hi @beeanchor,
Just wanted to check in on you and see how you were going?
Hey @beeanchor
Just going to jump in to check in with you to see how you are going and how you are coping after your breakup? And seeing what strategies are working for you 
Hi @beeanchor,
I can completely relate. After my first break-up I definitely cried a lot, but with each day it got a bit easier and easier. It definitely takes time and I was worried that I wouldn't meet anyone else that I would like as much but then I did! It's true what they say, there are many fish in the sea!
How are you feeling about it all now?
Hi @beeanchor, I can see that you've been going through a really tough time lately 
I want to reassure you that it is ok to still be heartbroken and devastated over it for any amount of time - don't ever feel like "I should be over it by now". Take your time. And know that you are not alone.
What things have you tried so far to help yourself that you feel aren't working?
In my experience the most important thing is to give yourself time. I know everyone says this but no matter how bad it feels now I promise you it will get better. When you're having a bad day let yourself cry. Lie in bed with ice cream/your comfort food of choice. Keep talking it over with a friend or on RO forums if you feel like this helps.
Try to spend time around people - whether this be a friend a family member or even a pet. Plan fun and distracting activities that you can look forward to.
Focus on you - is there any hobbies or projects you've had an interest in trying but have never gotten around to it? Try it out! And don't forget to congratulate yourself on your good days - no win is too small to celebrate
The only advice I can provide you with is this....
It gets better. It really, really does. However, it is a healing process. You can't speed it up, and no one can fix you, except yourself, over time. Just know that you are not alone.
After you hit the 6 months, you'll feel a little better. You'll start to accept it, and look toward the future.
I'm sorry that sh*tty things happen in the world. No one is ever alone. 
Break-ups are tough. Really really really tough. And you two were together for two years - it is completely normal for you not to be over it by now. Hey, I've had relationships that haven't even gotten to the 6 month stage that I've still missed them 4 months post-break-up.
I've heard before that breakups can be like a death. If you think about it it makes sense, in both cases a person you thought was going to be there is suddenly no longer there. No one would demand you to be over it right now if he'd died, so please don't feel like you're overreacting or anything for not being over this yet.
I don't have any advice to give beyond what's already been suggested, but I want to greatly support those suggestions.
If you need to talk to someone, go speak to them. You also, of course, have us here to speak to.
All of the suggestions about it taking time, and how you should try getting more into hobbies and your friends, meeting new people and trying anything else you may to do are completely correct. It can be the hardest of things to do, but it is easily the most beneficial. You've spent two years moulding yourself to fit with this person, that's two years where this person has been a major focus in your life. Now it's time to focus solely on yourself, to go and let yourself be the self you always wanted it to be.
Hello @beeanchor
I will try to keep this short. I know how you must feel and how difficult it must be. All the things you've just told us going around in circles in your head.
But I just want to let you know that as you said that it was your first love but you guys fought a lot. Just be open to the idea that you can still meet someone that gave you the same feeling and maybe even more.
Know that time heals and for now the best thing to do is focus on other areas in your life... family, friends, school, hobbies. Go out and make new friends... The pain will lessen each day I promise you and you will be able to be happy and free.
Take care.
Hi @beeanchor, break ups just plain suck and I totally understand how you're feeling right now.
You've taken a big step by reaching out to talk about it, and I know it feels like nothing's working but you should be really proud of yourself for taking that step.
Sometimes it can take a bit of time for the heart to heal. Be kind to yourself and know that it's OK to feel. It will get easier, in the mean time it might help to focus on the things you enjoy. Do you have any hobbies?
Hey @beeanchor
It sounds like the past few months have been pretty hard on you. I'm sorry that things ended this way with your ex, and I know from personal experience that the first break-up is especially tough. So well-done on reaching out on here to get help and also how hard you've been trying to cope - that's really brave! From what you've written it seems like people's reactions are also making things harder because of this expectation to be over it by now. I want to reiterate that it's OK to not be OK, especially when something major like this has happened. This is big! and significant! - he was your entire world for a bit so of course your body and mind are still reeling and healing from it all - that's okay! Have you talked to anyone else about it - someone you trust? Or maybe even a counsellor at uni, work or school? If you're feeling misunderstood by your loved ones, this might be a good place to start as it can help you feel validated as well as giving you a safe place to talk about what's going on for you. What do you think?
There's also some useful stuff I found on here for you, let us know what you think? Keep reaching out to us, we are here for you through this tough time @beeanchor 🙂
