TW: Chat
Does anyone want to talk at all?
I'm not feeling great. I'm very sad and alone; I just want some connection with people.
I've prepared my canvas for my painting, so I'm waiting for it to dry before I start.
Now I'm crying again. I'm sorry. I'm safe.
I got the assignment all done so that's good I'm submitting 5 days early.
Do you mean what I'm doing with my uncle? If so he is coming to uni and then will go have a drink.
Ah, okay I don't mind that part of rain I just don't like getting wet. Like I just have to go from the train to Woolworth to home at uni.
What are you up to tonight?
Oh nice. That’s so good.
Yes, that’s what I was asking. I should’ve added more context. That sounds like fun!
Completely fair. Wet groceries aren’t the best.
I’m not up to much. Probably going to watch some tv or YouTube.
Do you have anything planned for tonight?
What lego set did you get? Once you've finished it you should post a photo of it in the Lego thread I created. Only if you would like to @Lapis_Anteater
I got the wildflower bouquet set. I shall (that is if I finish it in a non-embarrassing amount of time 😂).
Cool, I look forward to seeing it. I did my orchid in a few hours, but no rush. I was so excited I wanted to get it done. I just bought the bonsai to do. @Lapis_Anteater
What are you doing on the weekend?
Hey @Red_Flamingo
Oh, wow that’s impressive! The bonsai looks so cool. Wish it was a little cheaper though. I can't wait to see it. How was meeting up with your uncle? My mum’s dance went pretty well. My cousin and his wife happened to be down from overseas, so I got to meet him for the first time. I’m still very much recovering from the socialisation 😂. Do you have any plans for the week? How's uni going?
https://www.target.com.au/p/lego-botanical-collection-bonsai-tree-1-281/64787503
It's on sale at Target @Lapis_Anteater
Good to hear about your mum's dance.
It went well with my uncle, other than him being upset with me. I posted what happened above and how I'm feeling the past few days on a new thread. Ahh, my life goes around in circles.
I just have my summer class which is one unit it's alright I guess.
How are you?
Hey @Red_Flamingo ,
Thank you for sharing what is going on for you at the moment. We acknowledge the frustration you are experiencing which is absolutely understandable given the circumstances you have shared - your mum touching your boobs and your dad leaving the toilet door open. We hear your annoyance and distress especially as you have three bathrooms for three people, yet the same thing happens and your mum walks in - again. We recognise that it may not be easy to talk about these things, yet we read you have tried to set boundaries with them.
Communicating clear boundaries is certainly important. This article on 5 ways to get your parents to really listen to you may be helpful for you to perhaps approach boundary-setting with your parents from a different angle?
Hi @Chloe-RO
I know it's so annoying they shouldn't be doing it, but I can't seem to change their mind. Dad said I'm being too sensitive, but is it that hard to shut a door while on the toilet? I don't think so.
Yes, many times I mentioned it tonight when my Dad said the above comment. It's just annoying they are treating me like I'm ten years old when I'm 20. I deserve to be treated like an adult and have my boundaries respected. They can go back to how they like things, being all free and open once I leave. I'll have a look at the link. Thank you.
Can you give me your opinion, please? Do you think it is fair enough? I want the door to be shut and my mum to not come into the bathroom when I'm in there or not to touch me, especially in private areas, as I've mentioned. I would understand a bit if there was only one bathroom, but our house had a small separate toilet and sink near the living room, and then the other two are downstairs, one near my room and the other in the master bedroom. Am I being too unreasonable? I don't know. Maybe I am being too sensitive, like my Dad says.
Things have changed since I've moved out of home I'm used to my own space and to come back to my parents place and them to be all up in it is hard.
Hey @Red_Flamingo ,
Good on you for sharing your boundaries with them. Perhaps it's about telling them exactly what you have mentioned here in that you are now 20 years old, and you don't feel comfortable having your breast touched, nor seeing your father going to the toilet. And fair enough, you can let them know that by all means, when you leave, they can leave the door open or walk into the bathroom when someone else is there....right?
Hopefully you can go out and find something to help you calm down when things get triggering e.g. listening to music, going for a walk etc.
Enjoy the rest of your stay!
Hi @Chloe-RO
Right, okay, that's fine, I guess.
Well, my parent's values seem to be being very open and free hahaha. I'll just have to keep working on it, I suppose, with them, and I'll tell my psych on Wednesday and see what he says.
They don't do it with other guests. It's just themselves. If other family members were over, they wouldn't do it. It's just they do it with me because I'm their daughter. I suppose it's because I've been okay with it when I was younger as it's all I knew until I got older and asked other people at a similar age to me or older about what their family dynamics are like and if they do things such as what my parents do. Which they don't. I don't think I know one other person that has a mother touching their 20 year old daughter's breasts or a Dad going to the toilet where I can hear him. I know it's TMI, but it's so annoying.
While studying, I'm listening to Taylor Swift's 1989 (Taylor's Version).
One thing that is hard with being back home is not having my own space like I do at uni. Weirdly, I like having my own space, but then I don't like being lonely. I also sold my car so I can't leave the house and do something without walking, getting the bus (which is awful here) or getting my parents to take me, which doesn't help with the fact I can't then express how I'm feeling like I can when at uni. I feel like I'm suppressing my emotions and not being able to be in touch with them while I'm around my parents. I can't just cry like I can at uni. Which is really hard when I'm feeling sad right now and that would help so much. I'm not sure how else I can get the same or similar release without crying or making it noticeable to my Mum and Dad. Do you have any tips on what I could do?
Hey @Red_Flamingo
Just chimming into the discussion here and I encourage you to speak with your psychologist about you parents values and how they impact you now that you are an adult. Different people and families to have different values and behaviours and being an adult means that you can choose your own. 1800RESPECT might be a good place to have a conversation about how your parents are behaving with you and your choices and rights. You don’t have to be subjected to anyone touching you or doing things around you that make you feel uncomfortable even if they are your parents.
Even though you are back home and your parents make you feel like you are suppressing you emotions you can access supports to talk about how you feel. Keeping in contact with KHL and staying connected on the Forums with the community. If you feel like you can’t talk and need privacy Beyond Blue and Lifeline have a chat service where you text instead of speaking to someone.
Take care
Pete-RO
Hi @Pete-RO
Yeah, okay, I’ll talk to my psych on Wednesday. Okay, I'll look at their website and see if they have any information.
I know it isn't very pleasant. I wish they could see me as an adult and not their little girl. Maybe deep down, I always will be, but they need to respect me and understand I feel uncomfortable about things they do.
Well, that's also a little hard because when we're watching TV my mum won't let me go on my phone so I can only go on it once I go to bed and by that time I'm too tired and have taken my meds so I'm so sleepy.
I'm not sure it was a good idea coming down. If I suppress my emotions until the 20th, then I feel once I go back to uni, I might be very emotional because I haven't been able to express how I feel for a week.
