TW: Chat

Hi @Red_Flamingo . I'm genuinely very happy to hear that the move and Christmas went well for you! Unpacking can be a massive task, but I'm glad you're in the last leg of it so you can settle in. How are you finding it with the new people you're living with btw?

Your visit to your granny's grave must have been emotional, and it's completely natural to feel that way. I'm very proud of you for facing those emotions and taking that step towards closure.

I know it's hard but please don't think you made your psych annoyed. They're there to support you, and sharing your feelings, even when you can't pinpoint the cause, is an essential part of the process. I went through the same thing when I saw my psych, thinking they were annoyed at me when I couldn't give an answer to anything and trust me it's the last thing you need to worry about, they're there to help without judgement.

I'm sorry to hear that nights have been tough for you. The nighttime can be a very vulnerable time. Is there anything that you've considered that can help you at night when you're feeling sad? A comforting ritual like listening to some soothing music? or reading a book?

I agree with what you've said about the new year. It's really just an arbitrary date that people put a lot of weight and pressure on to change everything. You can really make changes at any point in the year if you feel up to it or when you're ready it never has to be that date. I am sorry you're feeling down about the upcoming year. Are there any positive moments or goals you're looking forward to this year? 

I've been okay thank you! I went camping which was really nice, it was a good time to be away from distractions and just be present. I've come back feeling really relaxed. Right now I've just been reading/ doing some life admin/ working before uni starts up again. I also baked bread for the first time and it turned out great! 

Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂 

Mmm, I guess. I might ask him next week when I speak to him. He'll probably be like, let's explore why you feel that way or something.

I really don't know. Everything is out of balance right now. Once mum goes tomorrow I can get into a routine. I still think I'll start crying more. 

I really want to today. I've been waiting for hours, but Mum is still with me. I'm going out for dinner with my aunt and uncle at about 10 min, so I'd better go. 

I'm seeing Taylor Swift next month. 

Sorry gtg. I'll really more later.

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

How are you feeling today?

How was your weekend? Did you get up to much?

Do you have any plans for the holidays?

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

I'm here, let's say. Up and down. It's more down than up, though. 

It rained most of the time, so I didn't do much. I wanted to go for a bike ride on Sunday, but that didn't happen. My tiers were flat, and it took me over two hours to pump them, first with my broken one and then at 7/11. Yesterday I went to an art shop, and today I'm working on flowers with light modelling paste. Then I'll go to the gym and I'm seeing my uncle tonight for dinner. 

How are you? What are you doing?

On the 20th I'm returning to my parents and staying until the 5th of January. Then I move into my new room at uni. 

Lots of Christmas stuff to happen. I'll let you know what I do when it gets closer. 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

I’m sorry to hear that it’s been mostly down, but glad there have been some ups.

Oh no. That’s really annoying. Art shops are so much fun. Dinner sounds really nice.

I’m doing okay, just ready for the mid-trimester break. I’ve mainly been doing uni and watching some shows.

Are you looking forward to seeing them? Nice! It’s a bigger room you’re moving into, right?

Should be fun! I’ll be looking forward to hearing about what Lego sets you get.

Thanks @Lapis_Anteater 

It's as if a wave of sadness has suddenly washed over me. I'm not sure why I was feeling alright an hour ago. 

Yes, they are, but they are very expensive. If you google Matisse light modelling paste and Liguitex light modelling paste, they are expensive. 

Yes, to my family as a whole, but staying with my parents again for two weeks might be tricky. At least when they stay in Melbourne for a week, I can come back to my room. 

I'm in a dorm room, so it is quite small; where I'm moving to is basically the same size bedroom, but there will be a kitchen, bathroom, lounge room, etc. One person is already in there, and then the other moves in at the end of Jan.. I'm nervous to find out who is there already. I just hope they will be nice and like me. 

We have a birthday thing for my aunt (the one here with me), my cousin (who's 16) and my pop on the 21st of December and we are doing a murder mystery nice, then Christmas at my place for lunch which will last till at least 9 pm. Then my dad's side dinner out somewhere (so boring they are) it's very complicated. 

You wouldn't believe I was looking at a bracelet my dad's sister gave me for my 18th because I was going to sell it as I don't wear it and it was too big for my wrist, and I was looking at it closely, and I could see a bit of gold around it. She gave me her old gold bracelet, pretending it was silver. How bad it that? Now it's two years later I'm not sure what to do about it. Mum said to bring it back home as the gold shouldn't have come off in the first place. So much drama with my Dad's side I'll tell you another day if you want to hear. It's kind of funny and mean at the same time. 

Hey @

How are you feeling today?

Wow, they’re really expensive. I bet they’re good quality though.

Yeah, that’s completely fair.

Having people around could be good. Fingers crossed everyone can get along. It is challenging getting used to new people but I’m sure things will go well.

A murder mystery sounds like a blast. A very hectic schedule indeed.

Oh, wow. She sounds like an interesting person… It’s impressive that she thought she could get away with it.

Any plans for the weekend? When's your uni break?

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

Um about 40 minutes ago I would have said good, but I was walking to the gym and thinking about how mum wants to do all the Christmas prep as she bought all the food and everyone will give her the money for it. I was like ah granny wouldn’t want her to do it I should call her and get her to talk to mum. Obviously I can’t but for a second there I wanted to. 
I saw my psych yesterday and we talked about her and our connection. We spoke about repression and suppression. With how I do it because I like to comfort others aka my mum such as how I did at the funeral. 

Yeah I know right but so much better than the modeling paste at Kmart. I’ll show you a photo later of the type of flower painting I’m trying to go for. I’ll see if I can find it. 
I hope so too. I’m sure it will be okay. 
lol I know I’m not sure if we can do anything now since it was two years ago. Mum isn’t happy like not spending any money lol. 
oh wait until next year we do presents for 21st ahh. 
I’ll be paining, and packing I guess. 
did I tell you my bike tier is flat and I’ll need to get it fixed? 
sorry I also talk on SANE so I forget who I’ve told what to I can get a bit confused hahaha probably my own fault anyway. 
how are you?

my reply might be all over the place I’m in the gym and on phone hahahah. 
what are you doing today? 

I told him about the burial of Granny. We talked about her. She was more of a mother figure in the emotional sense than my mother. So I'm greaving her like she was. 

We talked about the difference between impression and repression. When I was at the funeral in September I would try not to cry because I didn't want to in front of Mum. My Dad and I were comforting her. We talked about how if my Mum had died and Granny had been there, she would have been comforting me. So, she is the mother-like figure emotionally. We talked about our strong connection and how she was such a wonderful person. I also repressed my emotions a lot because I didn't like showing my pain and crying. I wish I could, but I just don't seem to be able to. It was like last week after I finished the Facetime call; I was crying, and then again on Thursday for a lot of the day. 

I don't know why I suppress or repress my emotions. My psych said you can laugh it off because that's what I always do when I don't want to feel how I'm feeling. It's so annoying. 

@Lapis_Anteater might explain what I was saying before more. 

here the photo let me know if it’s blurry it look like it it on my end. 

Hey @

The thought of “oh I should call them, wait I can’t” is really painful. Grieving her like your mum is so tough. My dad was the main emotional support so I kind of understand having to comfort someone else when you really need the comforting.

Is it easy to get your bike tire fixed?

I’m glad you’re psych is supportive and that you’re able to talk to him. I still can’t cry in front of my psych and it’s been three years. I really really hate crying in front of people.

That artwork looks so good, do post a photo of the one you complete (if you want).

Hey @Lapis_Anteater 

yeah it’s pretty hard. I’ll probably cry when I get home. I wanted to but I can’t in a gym when I was typing it to you. 
I hope so there is a shop up the road from me so I’ll find out today. 
oh okay so I should rush myself then. I feel like in not getting there quick enough. Like when he always mentions about laughing it off. I don’t know how else to change that. Maybe I should ask him. 
Yeah it looks good. I’ll be happy if mine is half or a quarter as good as that. 

I went to the bluey window at MYER on Tuesday after dinner with my uncle @Lapis_Anteater 

 sorry I’m spamming you know I keep forget what to say lol sorry I’ll leave you alone now. 

Hello  @pigletlover333 @REALDepressed_Void 

How are you both?

Hey@Red_Flamingo 

Sorry it's been awhile. I'm currently in Cambodia for my trip. I had flights all day yesterday and was a bit anxious throughout the week so I was doing a lot of self care. Having been a long time since I last flown but I'm really proud of myself for getting through and nothing went wrong on the way here which makes me super happy. I have a couple things today before we make our way to another city to start the volunteer work. 

I'm glad to hear you are doing better and overcome challenges. You must be feeling proud. 

Hi @Rara 

I'm sorry, I forgot you were going away, that's why you haven't been around. All good. Good job on being able to fly. How long are you there for?

Yes, I'm pleased. I feel I'm falling a bit. Last night was challenging, and I'm feeling pretty flat today. So that sucks after having a reasonably good week. 

Hi@Red_Flamingo 

That's okay it's only day 2. I'm here for two weeks. And it's only been one day but it's so good, it really does give the perspective of what life is like for others.

What were you doing that caused you to have good week. Maybe you could replicate it. 

Yes, it would give you a perspective of how others live. Are you around lots of children at all? That would be fun. 

Mmm, yeah, I'll do similar things. I don't know why last week went well, and now I'm crashing again. It sucks. I had so much energy and was motivated to do things last week. Today, I don't want to do anything. I'm just sad and crying.

Hi@Red_Flamingo 

it has been a while!! I'm really sorry about the slow reply, I haven't been online because I've been working a lot. But I'm so happy to hear you've been feeling you're on the up and doing better these days 💛 I'm sure it's been really difficult to get to this point, I'm so proud of you, keep going 🫶🏽

Thank you @sunset_hues 

I really appreciate you saying that. It has been very hard, but I think I'm getting there slowly. 

I'm not sure if you've seen my thread about my uncle and the miscommunication. Anyway, I was with him today, and we talked about it. He said I upset him. When I said "see". I couldn't believe I'd made him sad. I didn't mean to. It makes me really upset knowing I made him upset. What do you think from the conversation below? I also feel very stupid for even interpreting his message how I did. It's so obvious that he didn't mean we could only chat for half an hour. 

When I read his text, he said Saturday, I can do a catch-up at about 2-2:30.
For a walk/drink I thought he meant he was only free for 30 min. 

 "me" Did something come up on the weekend?

"him" No, nothing extra came up. I mentioned I was going to be playing golf and wasn't sure if it would be a morning or afternoon tee time. We agreed to confirm the time once I knew. 

"me" Yeah I knew that but I thought we were going to go out to the cafe . 

"him" I didn't know we'd locked in the cafe as thought the time would determine that. Happy to still go to the cafe though. I'll just have a drink. 

"me" You said your only free for half an hour 

"him" Lol no

"me" I replied his text "Saturday, I can do a catch-up at about 2-2:30.
For a walk/drink" saying "see" 

"him" I said from 2 - 2:30 meaning depending on traffic, I'll get there between that time

"me" OH

"him" I think you've misunderstood me

"me" Yes 

"him" I can see how that would be confusing

"me" Yes it was

"him" Now we have that clarified lol

"me" Okay good 

"him" May I suggest in future, if you're unsure like that, it's best to just ask me if I meant 30 mins. 

"me" okay. 

Anyway, how are things going other than work? Is uni over for the sem? When do you get results? I get mine on the 5th of December. I'm doing a summer unit which is going well.

What are you up to tomorrow. I've got some cooking today and I'd like to do a painting and I might go for a bike ride weather dependent. I've also started going to the gym again which is good. I want to build some muscle around my biceps I can only do 5kg lifts, however my legs are quite strong. 

Hiya @Red_Flamingo ! 

Hope your evening is going okay. I can really relate to feeling guilty when I've upset someone, it can be difficult to sit with that. But reading through what happened, I think that's quite an easy mistake to make, especially over text. And I've definitely made that mistake before too, as the "-" is usually for durations of time while I'd probably use a "/" for "or". Honestly, it's quite ambiguous. But either way, miscommunications and upsetting people happen, and unfortunately they tend to be more likely with people that you are closest too. But on the bright side, I think the fact he trusts you enough to be honest about how he feels is great, it shows he want to strengthen the relationship for both of you. As long as you've learnt something from the exchange, don't be too hard on yourself! Nobody makes these mistakes intentionally, so seeing it as an opportunity to tweak something is so helpful. In this case asking before assuming is a really valuable communication lesson (but also a good way to tackle your own negative spirals when it comes to relationships in general).

Sorry for the slow reply! It's so great to hear how many things you've got going on. I saw your lego orchid and one of your art pieces and they were really amazing!!! 😍😍Wanted to reply properly with a photo of my own little lego thing but uni's just been kicking my ass a bit. How have you been going lately? 

Noo still have two weeks of uni left and unfortunately I'm super behind because of how tired I've been :'( I'll get my results maybe a week after that but I'm really looking forward to doing some art again. 

Hi @sunset_hues 

Not really, to be honest. If you see another new thread, "Feeling Sad". It explains today and yesterday. I've been crying on and off, not sure what about being alone and sad. Then, I also cried a bit about school, the bullying from looking at photos of myself and how happy I once was and didn't know what was going on for me, aka (13 years of bullying). Ahh, so much untouched trauma there. I think I'll bring it up with my psych on Wednesday. 

Oh, do you mean when I say "see"? Instead of that. Something maybe like. "When you said 2-2:30, I thought you meant that's how long we could spend together". 

Oh, no. Did your semester start late, or is it longer than 12 weeks? 

I'm in week four of my summer unit. I've got my first assignment done. 

I still don't have a job. There isn't much about, but I hope to get something in the new year. 

Have you been doing anything else other than uni?