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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Tiny_leaf yea I guess you’re right Smiley Sad

Did you get to keep your phone?

I’m just really scared..
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Bananatime04 the first time I didn't, but that's because that hospital was a crappy temporary setup while waiting for the real hospital to be built.

 

The second time I did, though that was in a youth ward not a children's ward.

 

But from what I remember You have a right to be able to contact family and normal supports, so it's definitely worth bringing your phone and a charger.

 

Oh!! Also you're allowed to ask for a mental health advocate!! So if anything goes wrong you can ask to see one of them.

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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

There should be a landline phone available if they don't let you keep your phone. And sometimes, if you're lucky, a computer.. They usually give you a certain time to use your phone.

It's okay to be scared, I would be scared too. But it's gonna be okay Smiley Happy Usually the people in there are okay and the nurses are nice (well at least some of them will be lol). We're here for you Smiley Happy

Tiny_leaf is right about you having the right to contact your family and being able to access an advocate! Oof but make sure the nurses don't lose your stuff if you bring chargers etc. Usually they're okay.... usually
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

Sorry guys I’m not feeling too good
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

Hey @Bananatime04 , I'm sorry to hear that - what's happening for you at the moment? Do you think using some of your self care strategies, or going outside and hanging out with your dogs, would help at all? 

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Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Janine-ROWhy am I so different from everyone else? I don’t fit in with anyone Smiley Sad the people I hang out with at my new school seem so.. mature and happy and grown up and nothing like me. They have parties, they drink, they talk about them having sex, they have done drugs and all this stuff that I just feel like is totally not me but I don’t want to leave and be on their bad sides because I feel like if they didn’t like someone, they would be pretty nasty people. I don’t fit in because I’ve never been to an actual party with alcohol, I’ve never been drunk, I’ve never had sex or been intimate in any way (it scares me actually).. well I’ve never consented to any sexual things, I’ve never done drugs and I’m not a nasty person.. I don’t use the language they use or do the disrespectful things they do. I’m just, here. And that’s my first problem. I just think to myself what I have to do to fit in and make them like me but I can’t because alcohol will make me fat, drugs will mess me up and so many things could go wrong, I am so self conscious of my body and would never even feel comfortable in any intimate situation and yea I just don’t fit in. Sorry this has made me so uncomfortable just writing these things but it’s even more uncomfortable to just sit here with these feelings and not be able to talk to anyone about them..

What should I do Janine? Do I force myself to do all the things they do so I can fit in, do I kill myself, do I just keep being the different odd one out, do I hang on my own, do I leave them and get on their bad sides or should I do anything else? What do I do? I really need help Smiley Sad

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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Bananatime04  I think so many people can relate to what you've written here, and I think it shows so much courage opening up here about how you're feeling. I definitely had times when I was the same age feeling like I just wasn't interested in partying/ drinking/ drugs- reading this brought back those feelings so strongly , it can be such a shitty feeling. And you've had to cope with such a massive amount of change lately. 

It can be such a hard time feeling like you haven't found your tribe, but I don't think that you need to change who you are to fit in. It sounds like you have a really strong idea about what you value, and what your boundaries are, and that is such an awesome thing. Honestly I think it's freaking amazing. And you sound like you would probably regret drinking, or having sex, to fit in with them. 

 

Walking your own path can seem hard but I have faith that you'll meet your tribe of people - have you met anyone in your dance classes at all? Do you think you can keep hanging out with the people you're hanging out with now but avoid the stuff that makes you uncomfortable? 

 

@Bananatime04  you have so many amazing qualities, you're a great person and this world is better with you in it. I can hear how much uncertainty there is in your mind around all of this, but it would be tragic if you did kill yourself. Are you feeling safe at the moment? 

 

 

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Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

Thank you @Janine-RO Heart I feel so much better reading your response!
Yes I’m safe Smiley Happy I don’t have a plan to kill myself today Smiley Happy

I guess drinking/alcohol is really quite scary for me as both my parents are alcoholics and drink every night but also because I’m scared that maybe I will lose control, and do things I wouldn’t do if I wasn’t under the influence of any alcohol. I also don’t want guys to take advantage of me or maybe leave a party drunk and get raped on my way home.. I know I’m probably thinking of the worst possible thing that could happen but that’s the thing, it CAN happen. My brother has had issues around drug addiction (he’s okay now) and to see him while that was happening with him was really horrible and I would never want to risk that happening to me. The girls in the group also smoke and my parents smoked as I grew up (they don’t anymore) and I honestly cannot stand the smell and would never want to go down that path. But with losing my virginity, I’m so scared that I will be the only person that has not done it but I’m scared to do it and I don’t want to do it with the wrong person, I don’t want to be in a relationship and being pressured to do it, I don’t want the girls to find out I haven’t done it and make me do it, I don’t want to totally embarrass myself, I don’t want everyone to know if I did do it, I don’t want rumours to go around, I don’t want to put myself in pain, I don’t want to be pregnant if something went wrong, I don’t know how, I don’t know anything I can’t it’s so horrible.. just thinking about it, how could someone want to do that with someone. Yuck. They’re all so confident and open about it but me, I don’t know if I could ever let a guy see me without clothes on that’s how terrified I am. I’m literally nearly 16 and I can’t believe some of the girls in that group are younger than me and have done it and talk about it like it’s nothing. Is it bad to be 16 and still not have done it? When did you do it? You really don’t have to answer that I completely understand if you don’t want to.

Sorry this is weird Smiley Sad it’s just really bothering me. It bothers me just being around men because I’m scared that they will do something to me Smiley Sad I’ve never really talked about this before.. is this normal?

The girls from dance, are the girls in the group at school. They’re the ones that made me sign up. They all seem so perfect with so much confidence and then there’s me Smiley Sad I’m terrified of everything

I can’t really avoid their conversations because they talk about it so much
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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Bananatime04 I'm 18 and haven't done it, nor do I have any plans to.

And that's okay. You shouldn't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with, and you can wait as long as you'd like.

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Re: TW: Grief, Depression, Anxiety, Self Harm & Suicide

@Tiny_leaf really? But I don’t want to be judged for being so old and not doing it.. I feel like the odd one out Smiley Sad have you ever felt pressured to do it? Or has anyone ever tried to force you to do something you didn’t want to?

It’s just hard hanging out with people that are so out there! That’s all they ever talk about Smiley Sad