TW: I need help
My childhood was shit. My mum was and still is an addict who cared about nothing more than getting her next fix, my father is non existent i know his name and that he lives interstate. my step dad was extremely violent he'd abuse my mum but for the most if it id be the victim. What hurt me the most was that my mum was in the house the hole time and never did anything to stop this.. The abuse never stopped. Years on i had turned 13, now had 2 little brothers, started working at a small butcher for my first job and after that a chicken farm. Until the night he turned on my mum and made very bad threats to us both. I ran, as far as i could i slept on the street until the pastor of the local church offered me a bed for 2 nights, he bought me a tooth brush fresh clothes and put a roof over my head. 2 nights turned into 2 years, i saved my money worked hard gardening for friends parents and worked up the courage to tell my nan everything to which she took me straight back by this time i was just starting year 12. This meant a fresh start no one knew who i was and what my life was like, i could finally be normal. Got half way through yr 12 and was offered an apprenticeship to wich i took. Met my gf and we got our own rental a year later, life was going well. I loved my job my girlfriend and my money. At 20yrs old i'd saved 26k and was looking at putting a deposit down on a house until i started drinking heavily on the weekends. i stopped saving and started using drugs on a night out in town. I was always the one that would continue to stay up long after my friends had crashed. This then turned into staying up friday through to sunday and i formed a terrible drug habbit. By 22 i had spent my life savings and am now in a tremendous amount of debt and have absolutely nothing to show for it apart from a drug habbit. I cant even go 2 days without some sort of substance i have all the right intentions but somehow end up on something. Iv still got my job and my gf has stood by me through everything but i am skating on very thin ice and i dont know how to stop its so much easier said than done i cant continue trying to convince her that i fell asleep outside and that i wasn't up all night or rocking up to work late looking like i havnt slept for a week im so sick of living like this but drugs and alcohol are the only things that make me forget about everything. Im just about to turn 23 im on my last straw at work my gf kicked me out 2 months ago but has let me come home due to the fact that she thinks i am clean but im not i left her as a drug addict and i have come back using drugs. I am now the very person that i never wanted to be. A drug addict and i dont know where to go or who to go too. No one understands the pain i go through and the thoughts i have to deal with when im sober. I want to live a happy life, a wife that i can be there for and love, kids that that can have the life every child deserves, my own buisness. Iv got so many ambitions but i feel as though they will for ever be out of my reach.
Comments
Hi @Sash2397,
It sounds like you're going through a really difficult time right now. You've had a really tough start to life, but, from what you've told us, you have a lot of willpower and the ability to turn things around. You have done this once before by working really hard to have that money for a house deposit. While your situation right now sounds very tough, the important thing is that you have reached out to us on the forums and asked for help. While you don't have control over what others did to you in the past, you do have control to how you react to those thoughts, and how you deal with them. You've listed some amazing reasons as to why you want to get sober:
1. Living a happy life
2. Having a wife you can love and be there for
3. Raising kids and giving them the life every child deserves
4. Owning your own business
I just want to let you know that these things are not out of your reach and that asking for help here is the first step to reaching those goals. It is probably not going to be easy, but if you want these things enough, you can work hard to achieve them. What do you think would be the most helpful second step for you?
You're not alone on here, stay strong!
Hi @Sash2397
I'm really sorry to hear that you've been through all of that. You have been through a lot, and the fact that you still have positive goals and values is a good sign, it's just unfortunate that certain things are getting in the way of achieving them at the moment.
I'm really glad that you've taken the step to share how you're feeling by posting on this platform. Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is really hard, and admitting in publicly (albeit anonymously) is even harder. I commend your strength in this situation 
I really feel for you and the abuse you endured growing up. I think most people who have endured such abuse would be in your position in terms of distress. You have been through a lot, and it's great that you have achieved what you have so far, even though you have had some hiccups along the way.
You mentioned wanting to get over your drug addiction and build a family. I'm wondering whether you've sought any professional support for a) expressed mental health issues and b) existing drug habits. Have you? If so, what supports have you got in place at the moment? If you haven't then I (and other users on this platform) could point you in the right direction.
Lastly, I had to edit out aspects of your post including descriptions of abuse and drug names, as they go against our community guidelines. I noticed your a new user and most new users aren't aware of our community guidelines so I have linked them for you here. Have a read when you're feeling up to it.
