TW Medication leaving me stressed
Pretty recently I ended up in a psych ward, I didn't stay there for very long but they said I was doing great and prescribed me anti psychotics. I have all of these new coping skills and new pills but everything still feels so dull. I'm not seeing or hearing things anymore and they've calmed down my bigger violent emotions but now all that's left is this aching empty feeling. I'm still anxious and depressed constantly it's just erased the big melting point that those used to entail, I rarely have meltdowns anymore or anxiety attacks. That sounds like a great thing but those were cathartic for me, they were big releases of emotion that left me feeling better after it was over underneath all of the shame. There's no back and forth between great and terrible I'm just stuck right before terrible and it's torturous. I want to scream and cry but I can't I feel like I could explode at any minute but I just.. won't. The medication that I'm on has improved my life undoubtedly, I used to have huge public meltdowns that could sometimes turn violent, or hear screaming coming from my walls, I wasn't even able to get out of the house because I was so paranoid. I guess it's a fair trade but I feel miserable still, am I just untreatable? Do I have to settle for boredom and dread over the hell that my brain used to be? I want to be able to feel normal in spite of my horrible genetics.
Comments
Hi there @goliathgrouper
You have articulated your experience so well, and I want to thank you for that. Not only have you looked after yourself by getting this off your chest – but you’re also helping others feel seen and validated. Experiencing dulled-down emotions is a common result of taking medication, and it’s so tough.
It’s good to read that you’re relieved from certain symptoms, but I can imagine it feels like a whole new can of worms to deal with when you probably want a break from all of this. As you said, meltdowns, while distressing, can provide an emotional release, and medication can stifle that process. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this.
You mentioned recently gaining some new coping skills from your hospital stay. Are you comfortable sharing some of those skills with us? If you want, maybe we could even come up with a list of possible ways to connect with your emotions + coping skills for you to use when you need that cathartic release.
I’m also curious to know if you have a support network around you, like family or a psychologist. With everything you’re going through, I truly hope you’ve got people to lean on when it’s all too much. Please know we want to be part of your support network, too.
I want to share the SANE website with you because they have tonnes of information + resources that might be helpful for you to read. They also have a support service you can read more about here.
Thank you again for sharing this with us, and hopefully chat with you more soon!
