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Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That is great that your person was there @xXLexi_Lou122Xx. What gave you this idea of wanting to have a 'person'? It can become difficult to depend on one specific person.. in fact, when they are not there, we might become distressed and feel like we can't cope without them. For this reason, it can be better to have a support network rather than just a person. What do you think about thi

 

Have you ever thought about telling your friends that today you are actually not fine? Honestly, everyone has days where they don't feel fine. It can be a very brave thing to admit and that is probably the scary thing about it.. but life is full of ups and downs for every person. Are you struggling with the right words to say? 

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @Taylor-RO.

It wasn't so great, because she was busy, being herself. But it was nice to see her again, after 3 weeks.

It wasn't really an idea, I guess. It's like having one special person who understands you, and you can confide in when you need it most. Just one person, that you can snuggle up to, and let yourself go, emotionally and mentally. I've done that once, and that was a long time ago. It felt so good, letting myself go, and become relieved of the weight I had on my shoulders. A mentor in a way, but someone closer than that.

I do actually have other supports, but for this occasion, I need my special person. She's the only one who knows me, and has been there for me - more than my former mentors and friends.

This part, nobody understands.

 

I Cannot tell my friends. Smiley FrustratedSmiley Mad

 

They never understand me in the first place. They just interrupt instead of listen. They think of themselves more than of others.

 

I don't understand why nobody will comprehend this.

 

No, it's not that I can't find the right words to say, it's just that no one understands. They say they do, but they really don't. Which is why I want to be a psychologist, so that teens will know that I felt that way. They can be supported in the way that my supports never could support me.

 

I also know that life has it's ups and downs. I experienced that from the day I was born. And since I was diagnosed with this stupid Chronic Illness.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx, sorry, I didn't mean to come across as not understanding.. when you said 'It’s not that I can’t confide in my friends, it’s the fact that I’m telling them that I’m fine, when I’m really not'.. I thought this meant that you could tell your friends and that they would understand but you were choosing not to.. hence I thought you might have struggled with the right words to use Smiley Happy Now that you've clarified, I know more about why you can't/don't tell your friends. 

 

It sucks that she was busy.. but it sounds like it may have been better than not seeing her at all? Or am I wrong here? 3 weeks can feel like a loooong while! She sounds really important to you.. how do you manage if you are unable to see her? Is this where your other supports help? It is great to hear that you do have alternatives Smiley Happy It sounds like this experience with your friends has been painful, although you are using it to motivate yourself. That is a really brave and strong thing to do Heart

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That’s okay @Taylor-RO. We all misinterpret, as it’s online.

Yeah, seeing her was better than nothing. But I do wish we could’ve snuggled up together, and talk. Let myself go. Feel okay in her arms.

But I’ll find a way to be okay in someone’s arms. One day. In maybe 10 years time.... 😔

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hi @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

I'm sorry to hear you don't get to see the person closest to you often Heart Those relationships where you can be your authentic self, no matter how you feel on the day, are so special Heart

 

I have faith that you will find a way to be okay in someone's arms, but also be okay to be in your own arms and feel self love too Smiley Happy 

__________

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Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Thank you @Jess1-RO.
I... I kinda wish I could feel it. But everything seems so sad and empty right now.

Yeah... I guess I will feel okay in my own arms one day too.

 

One day...

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx , I'm sorry to hear how you've been feeling Smiley Sad I remember feeling like that before and it was honestly one of the hardest things to get through but know how strong you really are for still fighting and trying! I know how hard that can be and it can be hard to feel proud of yourself too but you really should be because it is an amazing thing. I know one day you will feel okay in your own arms and even better than okay <3

Just wanted to say hi and check in though and see how your day has been going? Smiley Happy

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @Puppies026.

Yeah, these feelings are tough, but I’ll get through them in a year or so.... 😔

I’m doing okay, but there are some possible health conditions that I need to be tested for. When I last passed out, my blood pressure wasn’t low. Or at least, I don’t think it was.

I went to see my gp about my upcoming blood test, to get the referral. She read my blood pressure, and it was fine. So now she’s taking in other possible conditions.

Like a possible heart or lung problem. Or something to do with my brain. I’m a little scared, because if something is wrong with any one of those, I probably won’t be allowed to run or play sport again.
And I’m still only young. I’m so scared about my future, and how limited I will be.

But that’s all that’s worrying me right now. Except that I was yelling at a kid who keeps saying
“You got a friend in me”
From Toy story. And he says literally afterwards.
What was really hurtful, was that my ex best friend said that I didn’t need to scream at him, because he keeps saying that, and it’s my fault for taking it the dirty way. It’s not my fault that she was in my business. Besides, she didn’t need to talk to me at all anyway. And he says that phrase all the time. Obviously she doesn’t know that, but it still hurts, because she was the one who broke our friendship.

That’s all for tonight.

Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

Hey @xXLexi_Lou122Xx 

 

It can so scary when we don't know what is happening with our health. That is something I can really empathise with as I have been through something similar. It can be hard NOT to think of the worst case scenario... especially if there is potential of losing the ability to do things we enjoy, such as exercise. I guess a positive is that science is really advanced these days. There are lots of effective treatments for many different conditions. Lots of people with certain conditions are able to live perfectly normal, and high-quality lives Smiley Happy Also, at this stage the doctor is only speculating and it might not be anything that bad. So, I know it can be hard, but maybe try and avoid thinking the worst if possible.  We are here to support you Heart Keep us informed with how you go! 


Re: TW: Permanent scars, not taking care of my health, losing emotions, and I just can't be okay rn.

That's great that you're trying to stay positive about getting through these feelings @xXLexi_Lou122Xx! It really helps the healing process a lot too, it's hard to know just when these feelings will go away or not be as bad but I think the best way to go about it is when we try our best to not focus on the timeline or think about how long it's been and how long to go, but when we are so focused on trying to improve ourselves mentally and other small aspects of our lives that one day we wake up and actually realise we haven't been feeling like that for a while now!

I'm sorry to hear about you passing out and the possible health conditions you are worrying about, that does sound really scary Smiley Sad I think @Maddy-RO is so right in that technology and treatments are advancing so mindblowingly quick that it's amazing to see how much of a normal life many people with different conditions are able to live. Also I agree that in such cases it is so so hard for our minds not to go to the worst case possible, but I think it can help so much when we try our best to not think about anything more than the facts we currently know! For example try looking back on 1 time when you thought something was going to happen and then something completely different happened! These things can happen daily with even little things and we realise after that we assumed the worst and the outcome turned out so far off from what we thought!

Usually in most cases I find the worst outcome actually has the smallest chance of happening and everything being okay is much more likely! But overall, I find trying to keep in this positive mindset helps a lot because I realise there is nothing I can do before the outcome is known and putting myself through that stress the days or weeks before I end up regretting because I could have enjoyed that time doing other things!

Do you think this might help you too? And try not googling things!! Hope today has been better xx