Trouble With Physical Contact.
Touch, its meant to be something humans do avidly, its used for affection, endearment, friendliness often.
From hugging someone to comfort them, to rubbing someones shoulders when their upset etc.etc
Even if someone goes to kiss my cheeks.
I Hated when relatives did this, they dont understand that im not being cold I just really don't enjoy It.
Why is it that relatives dont understand personal space?
Also that being related to me doesn't give you permission to touch me?
It's always annoyed me that part.
People feeling like they are entitled to my body.
But for me its never been a uncomfortable thing, I've never liked it when someones randomly touched me in any way.
Whether its clasping my shoulder, grabbing my hand or going in for a hug.
As long as I can remember its always made me incredibly, incredibly uncomfortable.
I dont like the sensation of it, the way someones overly heated hand touches my shoulder when im unaware.
Or when they try to go in for a surprise hug I feel so overwhelmed by the constrictive nature of a hug, instead of being comforting it just makes me feel stiff and uncomfortable like im being made to endure something painful instead of intimate.
My inner family, my mother was never a big hugger.
I don't understand peoples need to touch me.
It's hard sometimes, just the other day a work-mate tried to hug me and i had to push them back slightly with my hand.
It also makes me question if i can ever be in a normal healthy relationship with someone, would I ever be able to do normal things like fall in love and make friendships?
Its...It's very difficult sometimes.
It's not that i'm a cold person, I'm very good at comforting people and have taken care of people my whole life.
But sometimes i don't feel very normal, as If I'm strange or odd.
It makes me feel a little out of place.
Is anyone else like this or is it just me?
Comments
Hello @AStudyInHuman,
There is no one definition of a good or a normal relationship, only that it shares common characteristics such as mutual understanding, support, comfort and security. All of these things can be offered without physical contact. You do not have to hug someone for them to know you are there for them, nor do you even have to verbalise your feelings for them to know they have your support. It is the little actions or things you do that speak for itself. You do not have to be physically present to put a smile on someone's face.
As for falling in love, the best kind of love do not stem from physical needs fullfillment, but rather, it is something spiritual, unconditional and self-sacrificial. The other person ought to understand that while you may not be comfortable with physical intimacy, it does not mean you are offering anything less towards the relationship. A happy relationship is defined by the capacity to grow, and if you find the right person, they will be able to help you with the physical displays of affection and you can help them with something else. Do not rush into a relationship, it is important to be able to feel safe and comfortable.
Yes, relatives can often be blind to signs of discomfort but often they have the best intentions. So are most people. It is not so much that they feel they have the right to your body or the right to invade your personal space, but it just seems like a normality for them to greet people as such. I have the same problem, though oftentimes i bear with it. Though i feel uncomfortable, i can at least feel appreciative of the sentiments behind that action. Tell those closest to you or people who would less likely to be offended what you prefer, and hopefully it will get better with time. Remember, you are not odd nor should you feel out of place. Not everyone finds physical displays of affections pleasant, so rest assured you are not alone. Most likely, some people just grin and bear it. 😉
Best of luck,
Winter Rain
Don't fret despite you feeling isolated and alone because of this. I can definitely tell you that 3 years ago I was just like you. I hated physical contact because I wasn't really used to showing affections towards others. Whether be it a girl or a boy, a family member or a friend, I never hugged them because it make me feel awkward and uncomfortable. So for the first time that I received a hug from a person I barely knew in my new school I panicked and didn't talk to them for a few days.
But I said don't fret. You're only human. You're entitled to what you're feeling. In time maybe you'll be able to like physical contact but for now don't push yourself because you think you're different:)
Hi @AStudyInHuman,
I imagine that you're definitely not alone in feeling doscomfort regarding physical contact. I know when I was younger, up until quite recently, I used to really hate it and while I'm generally much better with it now, I still have some moments where I just really don't want anyone touching me. All that to say: it is definitely NOT just you.
It's totally okay for you to feel uncomfortable, and it sucks that certain relatives/people around you don't seem to understand that. Do you think they might understand if you tried to explain how you were feeling about this?
Hey @AStudyInHuman,
I can relate to a lot of what you've posted, and I don't think it makes you strange or odd. I too often find the sensation of people touching me uncomfortable, even people who are close family, like my dad.
It sounds really frustrating that people won't respect your personal boundaries. It's totally okay to tell people that you're not comfortable with being touched, and tell them to please stop.
To me, respecting and communicating with each other are super important parts of friendships and romantic relationships! I feel that if you can be honest with people about what kind of touch you are comfortable or uncomfortable with, they should respect that. I don't think that not liking to be touched is a barrier to having relationships. There are lots of other important aspects of relationships that don't involve physical contact, like emotional support, shared humour, shared interests, and heaps of other things.
